Boyfriend only has female friends, stays over with them when sick

[namemyname]

Yeesh. He's a total mega douche! Sounds like a total loser, and I'm glad you dumped him.

In the future, if a guy lies about wearing a condom, DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY. That said everything you needed to know about his character.

And for the record, yes, I have a lot of male friends. Some are ex-bfs, some just friends. And ALL of them would bang me in a second if I gave them the green light. Because of this, when I'm dating someone, I rarely see or talk to any of them. It's inappropriate.

[TablesandChairs]

He thought he was dying but managed to drive 2 miles to be looked after by his 'friend', who I assume is not a doctor so her ability to help him would have been pretty limited. Lies.

He's a pretty strange guy for 45 - no male friends at all? Or maybe he just hasn't bothered cultivating male relationships because he can't bang them hence doesn't see the point.

You haven't lost much...a middle aged old-lady banger.

[TigerLil]

Just looked it up on the map... he actually drove at least 7 miles to his "friend"'s place... whilst he thought he was dying. The strange thing is, why did he even tell me? He wasn't even due to see me that evening.

It did mean though that we had to miss an event the following day, which we'd been planning to go to for some weeks. It had been his idea for us to attend it, and he was aware that I had spent some considerable time (and money) preparing my costume for it. After spending the night at his "friend"'s place (although I've still have no idea exactly where she lives), he finally met me the following day at 4pm. Interestingly, he had found it necessary to tell me that his "friend" had left to go somewhere that morning and he hadn't even seen her. Hmmm. Seems strange to leave a very ill person on their own like that - doesn't it?

My (now ex!) boyfriend said he has subsequently had blood tests carried out to try to find out what was wrong with him. One or two markers came up, apparently, but nothing major. Of course, I only have his word for all this.

[Wakeup]

One or two markers? My money is on Clamydia and HPV.

[Wakeup]

By the way, if he's now your "ex" why are you still talking to him? 0.o Unless it's to tell him you've caught something from him after you yourself get the proper blood tests, you shouldn't be giving him the time of day.

[TigerLil]

I'm no longer in contact with him.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe he was staying with his female friends whenever he had an outbreak of herpes.

[namemyname]

Speaking of blood tests, I'd be sure to get tested for everything under the sun. This guy sounds totally filthy. And not in a good way.

[michelle23]

ya hun get straight down the clinic and dont delay. Hopefully there is nothing wrong but at least it will put your mind at rest

[TigerLil]

I bet he wouldn't have gone to a guy friend of his, that night when he felt ill. I'm also sure that he wouldn't have cooked said guy friend a "thank you" dinner at his place.

Searock, I said exactly this same thing to him. His reponse was that he doesn't HAVE any guy friends whom he would feel comfortable with/close enough to enough to stay over with in an emergency, or to make a "thank you" dinner for.

Wow, how very convenient.

[searock]

Searock, I said exactly this same thing to him. His reponse was that he doesn't HAVE any guy friends whom he would feel comfortable enough to stay over with in an emergency, and to make a "thank you" dinner for.

Wow, how very convenient.

Which proved your point... it's amazing how clueless he is about what he's doing wrong. I'm glad you dumped him.

[TigerLil]

Oh yeah - I forgot to mention too. A while back (before he met me), Female Friend No 2's adult daughter (who is in her 20s) apparently had the same operation. So he stayed over at the house for a few weeks then, to help carry the girl up and down the stairs etc. I just find it all so strange. I'm all for kindness and helping people out, but it's just very odd.

I have NEVER had these kind of issues in a relationship before. In one of his parting texts, my ex accused me of being "paranoid" and "high maintenance" - because I have these objections about the inappropriateness.

[TigerLil]

Getting personal again... what kind of forced all this as an issue for me were these things:

1. It's his birthday this week and I'd put a lot of thought (and money!) into making it really special, so that we could have a weekend of doing things that I KNEW he would like

2. Next week, I was to have an IUD (copper coil, for the uninitiated) inserted, so that we could finally have proper sex. He doesn't like condoms and I don't like the Pill or taking hormones, so it was really the only option. This can be a painful procedure, and I was doing it for him (so he wouldn't have to wear condoms). Now, on the day I was due to have this, he was going to be skipping off to his female friend's house a few hours away, as she would be due to have her operation that same day. He completely forgot about MY procedure until he disclosed he would be going away that day to see his friend. He then backtracked when I got upset, and said he was regretting agreeing to take care of his friend. He then said he could delay his departure so he would be there for me. Even though he was well-aware of the procedure (we had to abstain from sex for 6 weeks beforehand), for some reason he forgot about it completely when it came to going away to see his friend.

I decided there was no way I would be having that procedure, or treating him to a weekend away.

[TablesandChairs]

On the upside, you'll move on to a healthier relationship. You're young and you don't have baggage. Leave him to his weird, maladjusted middle aged ladies and their daughters.

[TigerLil]

The night that happened, I must've asked him 100 times how HE would have felt if I'd done the same thing to him - gone to the movies with a guy friend, then gone to cook dinner for him and expected my BF to go home on his own. He wouldn't give me a straight answer. He knew.

Bear in mind, when they came out of the cinema, I was only 100 yards down the road. What I should've done was gone to meet them straightaway, not done the polite thing and texted him.

There was a 20 minute delay between them coming out the cinema and then him answering my call when I didn't get a reply. During that time, his "friend" had safely made her exit so he could hit me up for a quick drink.

At no point did either of them invite me to have dinner with them. I had to force my BF to call her, so they would agree to this. This whole process seemed to take a long time. In the end, my BF said it was ok. But I really didn't want to go over there.

The next day, my BF said his "friend" was very upset about the whole thing, and saw my point of view. Funny, cause it'd have been nicer if she'd just invited me in the first place, instead of leaving me to go home on my own on the train, while she spent the evening with my BF.