First real relationship. I need help!

[Love.Sucks]

So a little background before I start this

We met 3 years ago.
She's 22 Caucasian, works 8pm to 4:30am in a fast food restaurant.
I'm 23 Hispanic/Mexican, work 5:00am to 2:30pm in a restaurant.
We have a son together. He's 2.
And we live together.

We've been having our ups and downs like any other normal relationship before. Nothing too extreme.
Anyways a couple of years back when my son was 2 weeks old she found a couple of pictures of a girl naked in one of my emails, she felt like crap and went into depression, doctors prescribed some pills for it and after a couple of weeks she was back to semi-normal(I say that because remember she just had a baby.) I told her that the girl sent them without me knowing and it meant nothing too me.

Fast forward to December 2012, we got into an argument about some random things and we got mad at eachother, she started talking to one of her old male friends, it started good talking about old times and how much it's been since they saw each other, I didn't think of much (i read all of this on her phone by the way.)
Next couple of weeks passed by and she started to become very secretive and her phone had now a password that I didn't know. One day while waiting at the store she was using her phone and I jokingly said "stop talking to your Fbuddy leave him alone for once." I started laughing because I was joking she turned super red and just walked away from me. I started to get very suspicious about the guy she was talking to. Anyways I later found out that they guy in fact was one of her Fbuddies from back when she was 18 and this guy was like 22. She started sending him naked pictures of herself and the guy was doing the same thing, they talked really nasty sexual things to each other, the worst things you can imagine, thats what they were saying to each other. This was in in February of this year.

Now in April of this same year, she met this delivery(45 year old) guy at her work who gets there at like 2am and she has to be there to make sure everything is fine and acounted for. Anyways they exchange phone numbers and the same exact thing happened with this guy. She sent him pictures of herself naked and he did the same thing. Nasty talk and the whole thing as the guy above.
I didn't know about this guy until May if this year.
I confronted her about this 2 guys and she just flat out told me most of it. Her excuse was that I didn't give her much attention she wanted and we barely went out on dates(all of this is true but with our work shcedules we barely have time for all that) and thats why she started taking to guys. I naturally got pissed off and asked her to move out. She begged me not to kick her out because she had no where else to go. I felt bad and told her she could stay and to save enough money for an apartment. We both agreed, but then we started talking about our problems and little by little we started to get along again and our relationship got stronger, or at least that's how it felt like.

A couple of weeks ago I found out that she's talking to her coworker, which in one of our talks she did mention that she had a crush on him for a while but it's all gone now according to her.
This guy doesn't have a car, he has 2 kids and his ex has him on child support. He smokes weed everyday and its always late for work. My girlfriend recently started picking him up from work and dropping him off work. She says she's not but she's lying because I've read their conversation before. She swears on her life that's nothing going on between them but its kinda hard to thrust her now.
I really love the girl, but sometimes I get extremely jealous when I think about all the shit she's done to me. She stopped talking to all the guys except her coworker, which obviously she needs to talk causes they work together.

It's our relationship over because there's no more trust between us?
If we managed to make it work again, how do I survive all this feeling I have(jealousy and anger towards her)

She says she's not going to do it again, she did it because she was emotionally confused. And the thing about me not giving her enough attention.

Advice please!

[michelle23]

I think its over tbh. Shes not interested in you. She just likes the comfort and safety net of being a family. I doubt those negative feelings will ever go away. You could try couples counselling-one last chance to make it work and see how that goes and I think something needs to change with your schedules. Is there anyway she can work part time so the two of you can spend 3 or proper evenings together a week. Quality time is really important.

[namemyname]

While I don't agree with her method of revenge, you started this. I don't believe for a second that some girl randomly sent nude pics to your email. Who does that out of the blue? You had something going on, and got pinched.

What you did was enough to kill the trust in your relationship at this point. You need to own your role in this, babe, and realize she has been trying to make you pay for what you did. Two weeks after she has your kid, and she realizes you're a dog? I'd be entirely crushed, too, and if I were 22, I'd probably be just as petty and vengeful as she has been. Only because I'd be too young to realize I had better options, like leaving you.

You want to know how to get over your jealousy and anger? Same way she did when you did the same thing. You don't.

[Love.Sucks]

Well most if the time we both have Fridays and Sundays off. We both talked about counseling but again, our work gets on the way. We chose the shifts we have now so we didn't have to pay for babysitters

I appreciate your advice though and thanks.

[Love.Sucks]

namemyname, the girl that sent me the pictures was an old friend from high school, we did messed around for a while but it was like 2 years before I met my girl. I rarely check my email and one day she started snooping through my phone and found them. I didn't even knew she sent them!

I appreciate your honesty though. And you're probably right. We might never get over this.

[michelle23]

ill give you the benefit of the doubt and believe your telling the truth. i doubt your girl believes you though. a cheating bf/husband during or straight after pregnancy can f**k a woman up completelu. it can even lead to severe post natal depression where she cant bond with the kid at all or even suicide. it shatters all trust in you to the point where she doesnt even want you near the child encase you break their heart too.

i think if you want to resolve this than you need to go back.in time and resolve that issue first. stop making excuses. you need relationship counselling. you cant fix this on your own. she is angry at you. that is why she is behaving this way.

[smackie9]

Dude what have you done so far to make things better in your relationship? What effort have you put into spending quality time together? Just because you settle one issue doesn't mean the relationship is stable.

[smackie9]

I dunno....when I hear about these things it usually falls on the fact that being a parent that young and never had a chance to experience freedom as an adult starts weigh hard. She's sitting on the fence IMO, seeing what kind of fun she can have, to feel sexy, get attention.....the young ones really crave it, and I think she has an itch she's wanting to scratch for a long time. The not getting enough attention from you is a lame excuse and not the cause. And what you have done in the past about those picture is not related to this at all. She is bored with her life and sees the potential every time she comes in contact with a guy that gives her attention. The writing is on the wall here. She knows she can't survive on her own so she stays for the financial convenience and feeds you a bunch of BS. I bet money on it she would have left you ages ago if it weren't for the kid. I think you should approach this differently. Just lay it out that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone that is emotionally somewhere else. Let her know as hard as it is, that you will be understanding if you hear the truth from her to what is exactly her view on how she feels about her life. What changes she needs to be happier, if it involves separating and sharing custody or maybe changing jobs, living somewhere else, etc. There is no point, no matter how much you love her, to try to keep her for your own emotional benefit. If she is a caged bird, then release her.

[Love.Sucks]

ill give you the benefit of the doubt and believe your telling the truth. i doubt your girl believes you though. a cheating bf/husband during or straight after pregnancy can f**k a woman up completelu. it can even lead to severe post natal depression where she cant bond with the kid at all or even suicide. it shatters all trust in you to the point where she doesnt even want you near the child encase you break their heart too.

i think if you want to resolve this than you need to go back.in time and resolve that issue first. stop making excuses. you need relationship counselling. you cant fix this on your own. she is angry at you. that is why she is behaving this way.

She doesn't. Like I said she did sent through depression and for about a week got really bad but I think it has come a lot better but that's what I think. I haven't really asked her how she feels about that.

Dude what have you done so far to make things better in your relationship? What effort have you put into spending quality time together? Just because you settle one issue doesn't mean the relationship is stable.

I have asked my work to give me set days off. I've spent countless of hours awake just to be around them, I think I've sacrifice a lot in this, but I may be wrong.

I dunno....when I hear about these things it usually falls on the fact that being a parent that young and never had a chance to experience freedom as an adult starts weigh hard. She's sitting on the fence IMO, seeing what kind of fun she can have, to feel sexy, get attention.....the young ones really crave it, and I think she has an itch she's wanting to scratch for a long time. The not getting enough attention from you is a lame excuse and not the cause. And what you have done in the past about those picture is not related to this at all. She is bored with her life and sees the potential every time she comes in contact with a guy that gives her attention. The writing is on the wall here. She knows she can't survive on her own so she stays for the financial convenience and feeds you a bunch of BS. I bet money on it she would have left you ages ago if it weren't for the kid. I think you should approach this differently. Just lay it out that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone that is emotionally somewhere else. Let her know as hard as it is, that you will be understanding if you hear the truth from her to what is exactly her view on how she feels about her life. What changes she needs to be happier, if it involves separating and sharing custody or maybe changing jobs, living somewhere else, etc. There is no point, no matter how much you love her, to try to keep her for your own emotional benefit. If she is a caged bird, then release her.

Yep I agree, we were way too young to have a kid at our age. (19 and 20) we don't regret it though. He's the best thing that has happened in our lives.
I've told her many times to just leave and be happy if she's not comfortable and doesn't feel loved in this relationship. She says no. Like someone mentioned here, I think it has to do with the fact that she dreads to live alone(safety net family) I don't think it's money that's keeping her here with me. I make a little more than her and we split all of our bills in half.
I will and try to approach this completely different. I talked to her earlier and told her we need to have a serious talk tonight. So we will see what happens after that. I'll keep you guys updated.

Thanks everyone, for your honest opinions/advices. It has giving me a lot to think about.

Edit: oh and if it wasn't for our son. I would have left her already. I've been trying a lot for our family.

[smackie9]

A child, even at such a young age will do better in an environment where both parents are separated and happy rather than together and miserable......I had a conversation at great length with two brothers (I work with their father) about this and they told me flat out they would have been happier if their parents had split up. So don't think you are doing something better by keeping together for the greater good for the kid...in some cases it's not.

[namemyname]

namemyname, the girl that sent me the pictures was an old friend from high school, we did messed around for a while but it was like 2 years before I met my girl. I rarely check my email and one day she started snooping through my phone and found them. I didn't even knew she sent them!

I appreciate your honesty though. And you're probably right. We might never get over this.

OK, I'll believe you then, because it really serves no purpose for you to come here and ask advice, and then lie about things. But...I can't imagine why, after 3 years, a girl would send you nude photos of herself, and you have to understand, this is what your GF was thinking as well.

But, like Michelle said, even if you're being honest, it's also clear your GF doesn't believe you. And, she had reason to be suspicious of you, because otherwise why was she snooping through your things? What else was going on at the time? Do you remember any other behaviors on your part that made her insecure? And yes, that's exactly why she's trying to get you back. She wants you to feel the pain she's been feeling, and it doesn't look like she's relenting on this, either. It's definitely an immature approach, but again, if I were 22 and 2 weeks off having a baby, I can't say I'd behave any differently.

You aren't able to resolve this on your own as a couple, so either you take some time off work to get some counseling, or split up. No one should raise a child in this chaos.

[smackie9]

OMFG girls, the pictures happened two f uckin years ago, just let it go. This has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on now. Jesus! You all act as if it happened to you, give it a rest.

[michelle23]

OMFG girls, the pictures happened two f uckin years ago, just let it go. This has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on now. Jesus! You all act as if it happened to you, give it a rest.

umm i said nothing about it. just explained the reaction or affect it could potentially have on a woman. and i do think it may have something to do with what shes doing now-not that it justifies it. i agree that she likely wants out of this relationship

[Love.Sucks]

Well girls its official, she just got a text from her coworker where he says hes he wishes that too... I went to see the deleted messages and she told him shes bored and wishes she could hang out with him instead of me......

Thats the final straw... When she gets up from her nap I'm going to tell her that its over between us. Thanks for all your help/advice ladies... It was a great eyeopener for me.


Now to deal with this pain i feel deep inside me... Wish me luck!

[michelle23]

best of luck hun. stay strong. you will be okay come back if you need more help.