I slept with a guy and now I want to date him...

[JanisS]

Hi everyone! I hope some of you can help me.
I divorced my husband a few months ago and decided that this is a good time to start dating etc. I'm not looking for a relationship as yet, but for a nice fling.
So, I met this guy last week in a club. He was American and was in London for business. We hit it off from the start. He got my number and texted me whole night and then the next day. The texts got a bit steamy at the end...So we went out once. I thought he was really nice and was really interested in me: asking me questions etc. We had fun and I thought this would be it - some fun and he could help me to get on the dating scene and it would be an experience for me. He asked me if I wanted to have a relationship and if I wanted to have kids and I answered no. He said that he wanted to have someone. At the end of the first date we snogged in a taxi, but I didn't invite him over.
I decided to have sex with him and invited him over the next day. He was asking if I was ok with the fact that we might not see each other again. and again i said yes, I was fine with it. I really thought that this is what I wanted. The night was great and then he left. He went back to the US a few days ago and wrote me a text that it was good to meet me and that if he's ever back in the UK, he will let me know. That was it!
Now, I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want a relationship with him, but I would like to hear from him and keep in touch and maybe get him to come here, or I could visit him.
We agreed not to see each other again and he didn't ask me for my email, or skype or anything.
I googled him up and found out he gave me a false first name. The rest was right: his surname and place of work.
I was thinking of biefriending him on FB, but I don't want to look like a psycho. I don't want to send him another text, in case he doesn't reply and I will feel bad. But I would want him to know how I feel...Should I contact him??
maybe i should wait a month or so, and then send him a casual message?

[michelle23]

why would you want a guy who lives on the other side of the world and who gave you a false name? stop this now. you had some fun which is what you wanted and you need to get over it. date locally-your just fresh out of a divorce. its too soon to settle for the first guy you meet and the last thing you want is to end up with mr wrong again..

set your standards high-be fussy and think about what you want in a man. dont let your emotions get the best of you. you need a clear head or you will fall into the same traps again.

i would say at your age-pickings are slim and to find the right guy you gotta be extra cautious. keep that heart of yours far away from your sleeve

[JanisS]

Oh I know - I'm hopeless right? I don't know why I want a guy who lives in another part of the world. maybe because it would be only an internet based thing and that would be easier? I don't know...I really can't stop thinking of him....
But you're right. I need to get my head cleared. It also true that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that got me in trouble a couple of times before. I can't really think rationally when it comes to men.
haha thanks for that 'pickings are slim' comment not sure if that made me feel better though

[michelle23]

if your smart about this-you can find everything you want and more. its pointless wasting your time having a fantasy online relationship. thats trying to escape from reality and eventually you wont know the difference between fantasy and reality.

girl im 23 and at my age pickings are slim haha. thats why you have to set your standards sky high so you never settle for second best.

[JanisS]

no, you're absolutely right. I need to get myself together. No point of me keeping this up. Thanks for that - I really needed someone to get me straight. If I ever have doubts I will come back to your answers
By the way, I would love to see his face when I tell him one day I know his name. He thinks he's such a smartass.

[namemyname]

I wouldn't be so cocky over his name. People generally don't give out false first names, and then accurate last names and place of employment. Chances are he uses a nickname, and that's what he told you. I'd relax on that and thinking you somehow have a huge "gotcha" here.

Bottom line - he was clear with you up front that any time you had together would be just what was in front of you. The fact that now you can't handle that, isn't his problem, nor his issue. If anything, you should be thrilled he was so honest, rather than playing you with lies just to get you in bed.

You had fun, it's over.

FTR, I've never been able to have a ONS and NOT want to see the guy again, so I don't blame where you're at. But, because I know this about myself, I no longer have casual sex. I get too attached, and have expectations. Sex is emotional for many women...for many men, it's like external masturbation. Now that you know this, you likely won't have a casual hookup again.

[yeah7654]

I would let it go it would not be practical to continue a relationship given how far apart both of you live and also if he gave you a fake name that is a sign of deception. You possibly could not trust him in the future.

[JanisS]

I know you are all right, but how do I forget something like that? how can I just let it go? i have this terrible urge to write to him and ask him some questions....I know it's bad and I'm stopping myself, but it so hard...

[JanisS]

I wouldn't be so cocky over his name. People generally don't give out false first names, and then accurate last names and place of employment. Chances are he uses a nickname, and that's what he told you. I'd relax on that and thinking you somehow have a huge "gotcha" here.

Bottom line - he was clear with you up front that any time you had together would be just what was in front of you. The fact that now you can't handle that, isn't his problem, nor his issue. If anything, you should be thrilled he was so honest, rather than playing you with lies just to get you in bed.

You had fun, it's over.

FTR, I've never been able to have a ONS and NOT want to see the guy again, so I don't blame where you're at. But, because I know this about myself, I no longer have casual sex. I get too attached, and have expectations. Sex is emotional for many women...for many men, it's like external masturbation. Now that you know this, you likely won't have a casual hookup again.

I thought about that name thing and I think you're right. he woudln't have given me his place of work nor his surname if he had something to hide. And the fact that he didn't want to lie to me and put things straight....well, I like him even more because of it.

[namemyname]

I thought about that name thing and I think you're right. he woudln't have given me his place of work nor his surname if he had something to hide. And the fact that he didn't want to lie to me and put things straight....well, I like him even more because of it.

You need to stop this, hon. RIGHT NOW.

You're building him in your mind into something unrealistic. It was a one night stand, and nothing more. Sucks, I know.

There are no questions to be asked or answered. Let him remember you well, rather than going totally psycho on him now. Don't embarrass yourself, and make him regret showing you respect by being honest with you. You're getting obsessive other something that has no chance of happening, but, if you contact him again, you will only humiliate yourself, and then turn that anger towards him.

LET IT GO.

[michelle23]

maybe im different to other women-i dont know but i dont get attached emotionally through sex.. i dont sleep around-only been with two men but never got attached to the first.. and i kinda had a fwb thing once (no sex but other sexual contact) and never got attached at all.. for me it takes much more than that. i think i could pull off the whole f**k buddy thing easily if i wanted to without ever wanting more whilst making him fall hard and fast for me..

in saying all that though-i wouldnt enjoy casual sex or one nighters at all. not for me

[haxan]

Stalking is not healthy. Let it go and find another guy to snog.

[JanisS]

maybe im different to other women-i dont know but i dont get attached emotionally through sex.. i dont sleep around-only been with two men but never got attached to the first.. and i kinda had a fwb thing once (no sex but other sexual contact) and never got attached at all.. for me it takes much more than that. i think i could pull off the whole f**k buddy thing easily if i wanted to without ever wanting more whilst making him fall hard and fast for me..

in saying all that though-i wouldnt enjoy casual sex or one nighters at all. not for me

So let me ask you this: how do you do it? I was with my husband for ages. The only other guy I've ever been with was my other long term boyfriend. So I have never been single in my adult life. and I really like men and have a great urge to snog or being intimate with them, but I know now I cannot detach myself. So, what do women do when they want to have sex and don't want relationship? How do you guys do it?or should I just stay away and wait until my next husband comes along

[JanisS]

You need to stop this, hon. RIGHT NOW.

You're building him in your mind into something unrealistic. It was a one night stand, and nothing more. Sucks, I know.

There are no questions to be asked or answered. Let him remember you well, rather than going totally psycho on him now. Don't embarrass yourself, and make him regret showing you respect by being honest with you. You're getting obsessive other something that has no chance of happening, but, if you contact him again, you will only humiliate yourself, and then turn that anger towards him.

LET IT GO.

Yeah, i won't contact him..I will need to get it over with.

[Empty Road]

So, what do women do when they want to have sex and don't want relationship?

They can call me.




In all seriousness, I think you'll be much happier with a proper boyfriend.