Ex GF out of the long distance relationship and contacting me

[keano]

So the girl i have loved the most so far in my life, who also dumped me 5 months ago is out of the long distance rebound relationship with a 40 year old.

She facebook messaged me 2 weeks ago to say she is worried about a mutual friend and if i have spoken with him recently(sounds like an excuse to me ).

I replied shortly and not gave her a chance to elaborate on the conversation.

Last saturday night, ran into her again.
She asked me for a cigarette while i was dancing. I sarcastically said ''no'' and gave her one anyway.(we were hanging out around the same people since almost all of our friends are mutual.)
After a while we ended up walking next to each other, so i said ''this is well funny eh ?'' meaning our awkward situation.
She responded by saying ''well it is this way cause i was so scared when i first saw you tonight''(she apparently saw me from a distance and her friends came to say hi to me but she was intimidated). I wanted to keep it short, so just said ''well, whatever'' and ended it.

We ended up attending an afterparty till early morning but never really chatted thoroughly. Our mere interaction was smirking at eacher other whenever our eyes crossed.

I felt i was doing the right thing playing it cool but since yesterday i realize i have missed her so much.

My heart tells me to contact her and say ''i don't wanna be like this with you, i still miss you and want a fresh start'' while my head says ''it is over''.

Don't know what to do ?

Any opinion would be welcome.

Cheers.

[basilandthyme]

Do you have any reason to believe she wants to be with you again?

[michelle23]

I always say follow your head. dont listen to your heart.

[keano]

I think she has seen that the grass isn't so very green on the other side either.
And she actually wanted to get back at me for not putting enough effort to better our relationship while we were in it(and she does have a point) and she did that by jumping into a long distance relationship. no we are even and she is bored of her ''new excitement''. She knows we have the perfect foundation for a succesfull relationship but wanted to prove me something.

I genuinely believe we are great together at the right frequency and intensity and she thinks the same way.

[michelle23]

how do you know she wasnt emotionally cheating on you with this rebound man before you broke up?

[keano]

she met him on a business trip after we broke up but kept hooking up whenever we ran into each other. it hurt so bad since i thought we had another shot at the relationship in that moment in time as we couldn't keep our hand off each other.

she was with him since she knew we would never be truly over unless she brought someone else in the picture(the subconscious is a dangerous tool). also for the fact that he distracted her from the pain of our break up. but apparently things didn't work out with him either.

Am i crazy to still believe that we are actually great together ?

[michelle23]

Why did you break up? How long were you together? Sometimes it just doesnt work and its pointless flogging a dead horse

[keano]

all in all we broke up cause i took her for granted and held on to her as i victimised myself for everything going wrong in my life. I held her responsible for my happiness.

I felt like she had to endure my bad mood cause she loved me. i was immature. Never realized a healthy relationship should consist of two journeys that overlap from time to time. Ours was a codependent mess.

But the relationship and the painful break-up taught me very valuble lessons.I'm not the same person i was before the break-up.

[michelle23]

its your choice. if you want to try again-ask her out. Fresh start. Just remember the past is the past and neither of you can hold anything against each other from the last five months or before that when you were together

[VerticalMoon]

I'd stay away from her. You've already gotten burnt at least once by hooking up with her after the break up and thinking it meant something. It's very likely to keep happening over and over again if you let it. I don't think it's worth taking the chances with her anymore. There are other girls that you don't have a sordid history with. Let yourself move on and give one of them a chance. History has shown that things keep ending up ugly for you when you think you have a chance with this one.

[LifeInflux]

I'm with VerticalMoon on this one.

I make it a general rule that you don't get back into a relationship with someone you couldn't make it work with the first time.

I went back on my own rule once, just once... and it was with a girl I hadn't seen in 10 years and thought she had changed. Whether its 10 days or 10 years... there will always be that underlying unhappiness that broke you two up.

What you are feeling is the comfort you had of being with someone you know. Knowing that much about a person intimately definitely puts you in a position to fall back into strong emotional ties. Unfortunately those are only memories now, and cherish those memories as you create new ones with someone else.

I can't tell you what to do, and no matter what we say, sometimes people (you) take the easy route ( getting back with someone familiar and interested ) then doing the tough thing and finding someone else that will treat you properly.