Stoic girlfriend

[Visforvampire]

I'm having problems trying to deal with my girlfriend's stoic personality. I'm very divided - on one hand I like the fact she keeps her emotions in check and is always very composed. On the other I don't feel like I get very much affection from her as she finds it difficult to express her feelings which in turn makes me question how she really feels about me. This has made the relationship feel a bit one sided as I am always the one to instigate how I feel about her and show how much she means to me. She's very aware of this too as she describes herself as "stoic."

Is this something that is likely to change over time as she grows more comfortable with me? We've been going out now for 5 months so I was hoping this is something that would change as we grew closer.

I've been trying to work out possible causes that have made her like this. I'm starting to wonder if one possible cause is the fact she is adopted. She's 20 and doesn't know why she was given up. I've talked to her about it and she said she isn't very bothered about the situation and that she would be tempted to meet her biological mother just once but I can't help but wonder what deep rooted side effects this could have and whether or not it's a possible cause for her hiding her emotions. As a result, her adoptive mother is very protective and close to her to the point they go on holiday together etc.

She also recently said that other relationships haven't lasted because of her fear of commitment, which contradicts the fact she values qualities such as loyalty and trust and didn't seem the type to move from one person to the next - this is one of the reasons why I've stuck with her as she's a very genuine person with good morals which is hard to come by. We've been together 5 months and not had any serious arguments which seems like a good sign but I feel confused about this revelation. I thought she also values commitment since she said she likes my ability to commit. Again, could this be something that's deep rooted connected to her adoption? Perhaps it's a fear of losing me? Because she also said she likes to leave things on good terms as if to say she doesn't want to feel the pain of getting hurt as a lot of her friends have recently. All of this is making me fear she is going to break up with me to avoid getting hurt and yet I consider myself a very honest, loyal and faithful person.

Can anyone offer some guidance of possible explanations, how to deal with this and how to help her through expressing her emotions?

[namemyname]

on one hand I like the fact she keeps her emotions in check and is always very composed. On the other I don't feel like I get very much affection from her as she finds it difficult to express her feelings which in turn makes me question how she really feels about me.

You can't have it both ways.

[LifeInflux]

You can't have it both ways.

Yesh....

You can keep trying to talk to her and share your feelings with her, but theres no telling how she'll react. Some people just aren't good at these kinds of things.. it might get better in time, or she may recede and it could get worse. We don't know this person specifically....

Getting her to talk more might help though. I'm similar though.. I don't often show emotion... usually because I choose not to let things bother me as much. That or I just don't care that much.

[TablesandChairs]

I have a 'stoic' personality type and as far as women go, I rarely argue, rarely get unjustifiably jealous and generally like to sort my problems on my own first. I'm affectionate to a degree; not all the time, I don't like to suffocate or be suffocated by constant displays of affection. There is no real reason why I'm like this...it just is. If we go digging, of course we can find *something* that may relate but by large, you need to accept this is how she is and that it doesn't necessarily stem from anything. Now, my ex was overly affectionate/needy and this turned me off...whereas my current partner loves that I don't screech and yell like a Chihuahua all the time. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.