Stoic=Heartless?

[QueenofCorona]

In the midst of this drama going down with my sister vs my aunt and cousin my cousin called my sister and I out as being, "Heartless, bratty bitches who didn't love grandma because neither of you shed a tear at her funeral."

True on the crying part. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral. I prefer to grieve on my own terms and when I do cry its a personal/private thing for me. I guess my parents really drilled into us to never cry when we were growing up. I do show my other feelings when they arise such as anger/happiness but not to a huge degree. I'm no wet blanket but I'm not a spaz either. I guess I'm reserved?

Anyway, so I don't cry publically. Do I have feelings? Yes, I do but try to have control over them. It got me to thinking that when my bf's girls left for the summer I didn't cry in front of them or him. I did cry by myself on the car ride back to my house. Am I suppose to feel like a shitty woman?

I guess I don't see why its frowned upon to not be a basket of emotions in front of others? I open up here a lot but in real life I don't disclose a whole lot and I don't let "my guard" down a lot in front of just anyone.

Your thoughts....

[Lipp]

It's probably commonplace for guys, but personally I've always dealt well with loss (not through deaths, but splitting up/moving) just because of moving around alot. Pisses me right off when people call it out though, usually it's because I give people I dislike the silent treatment.

As for funerals, maybe it's a cultural thing, but at least in my opinion those who cry openly and excessively are the ones who do it for show. **** them.

[doppelgaenger]

The basic tenet of stoicism is that destructive emotions are the result of poor judgment. That doesn't really apply much to the modern usage of the word.
Moving on from Dopp's trivial fact of the day...

Some people are simply embarrassed or feel awkward showing their emotions. Others simply repress them. I do both. Like Lipp says, that's pretty typical of men, and I'm sure you already know that.
My grandmother was the blossom of my youth - my father left the family at a young age, forcing my mother to work multiple jobs. My grandparents took my brother and me in. To this day, I still regard her as the kindest, most loving person I've ever known. I always think of her when something big happens in my life, because I never would have made it this far without her place in my youth. She passed away many years ago, though. I was still a boy, then. During the last year of her life, she spent wilting in a hospice bed, after being diagnosed with cancer. I didn't really understand what was happening until the day I saw her in the casket. I was so furious at her funeral. I had never been so angry, and so hurt in my short childhood. I cried for days into my pillow, crying myself to sleep. But nobody at the funeral saw one tear drop from my eye. On the outside, I was completely indifferent. I was scorned for that, though. I was scorned for not mourning, for not showing my emotions. But I couldn't help the way I am and what I feel.

I tend to bottle up my destructive emotions in an inkwell. They always come out my writing and sometimes in my drawings. Crying and feeling bad have never helped me pacify myself, but after I write a good poem about my feelings or have drawn something meaningful, I feel like I've proven myself.

[Cbrider]

You're cousin is a drama llama.

Everyone reacts differently, outward expression in the public eye doesn't make you any more or less mournful than someone who stands silent and composed.

I'm like Doppel, I can repress emotions for a long time and not skip a beat, but when I am alone or when I finally reach my threshold, it floods out.

[QueenofCorona]

I feel you, dopp. My outlet is generally music.

Do you feel the need to explain yourself to your friends and family? They should already know by just being in your life that you handle your feelings in a different manner but when major events occur, do you feel it neccessary to have to defend your lack of "out there" emotions?

[Mish]

Am I suppose to feel like a shitty woman?

No you don't. Your cousin was completely out of line saying what she did and if I was you I would demand an apology from her if she is interested on being on speaking terms ever again.

[doppelgaenger]

I don't feel the need to explain myself because I know myself and I know how I feel. Just because I have strong self-discipline over my emotions doesn't mean I am a heartless bastard. No, that makes me a rational being who makes rational decisions.
If I explain anything, that's what I would tell someone. If someone told me to express my sadness by pouting and weeping, I'd tell them to express their concern by kissing my ass.

The people who complain are usually the ones who don't know me very well, so I usually take that with a grain of salt.

[QueenofCorona]

No you don't. Your cousin was completely out of line saying what she did and if I was you I would demand an apology from her if she is interested on being on speaking terms ever again.

I don't think I can forgive or ever forget what she said.