I've been in a relationship with a guy for 4 years, engaged for 9 months.
I'm Scottish, (33) he's Turkish (31) and a lot of it has been LDR. Its not been an easy relationship, cultural, language and religion issues. (This is not meant to offend anyone, its only what has happened to us)
Met on online poker, chatted for a few months, decided as me and my mum were going to take a holiday anyway, we would go to where he was. We got on well, started a relationship. Went out more times, met his family etc. Its a long story set out over 4 years, you all know how this part goes, so I'll skip it.
Everything was ok, until 2 weeks ago. Prior to that we were getting on well. I was going out next month. Then he started acting cold, distant and was a bit snappy. Any time I asked him what was going on, he wouldn't really tell me then he would go offline. It was starting to annoy me, because to my knowledge nothing has been said or done to make him be like this. This went on for a week. I have to admit I went on his Facebook to see clues (we had given passwords etc). I found a conversation between him and a relative. The relative was asking him about our engagement, was he ready for it, because girls are difficult to change after marriage (religion wise). They ended the conversation shortly after that and said they would talk about it later. I never told him I had read it. But a couple of days after, we talked and he was so angry, cold, and almost cruel in his attitude. Told me I wasn't the only one suffering, he was upset too. Said he wanted the relationship to end. I asked why, he said he's been having thoughts, that he wants a Muslim wife to worship with and he knows I wouldn't change. He let me talk, but ignored a lot of what I said, then left suddenly.
So we were broken up. I put all the cards/photos in a box, etc.
But I couldn't leave it like that, not with the angry way it ended. After 2 days of no contact, I texted him. He came online and told me he would delete me from Facebook slowly, because no one around us would understand. I said I don't even understand it, after 4 years you decide this now?! He said it wasn't a problem before, but now it was. He told me he had spoken to a relative who lives in Germany and said the relationship was bad, because she was christian and he is Muslim. I tried all the "they aren't us" "I am not that woman your relative married" "We don't know what is going on in their relationship, only what you have been told" "We were good, we talked about this". We spoke for 5 hours. I told him the best I could do was research his religion and try to respect his beliefs. I think he took that as I would try to research the religion and convert. I told him I had never promised to be Muslim, that he had told me in the past I would have to feel it in my heart. He said yes but don't use that as an excuse.
We talked again the next day (Sunday), the "baby, darling and honey's" came back in to the conversation but it was still lukewarm and after small talk, asked if I had been researching. I said no, I was busy. It didn't stop the conversation being about religion for the next couple of hours. I then tried to turn the conversation around, talk about normal things, like how was his day etc. I said you haven't told me much, he said can we talk about it later. I asked him if he was feeling cold towards me, he said he didn't know, but would tell me when we could go back to being the same as before. He said goodnight, sent a kiss, then left.
That is when it hit me. We were completely broken. The "relationship" would stay lukewarm, because he was not investing any emotions in to me until I agreed to be what he wanted me to be, staying detached enough so it would be easy to leave me (again). Compromising isn't an option, it really is all or nothing.
So now I am sitting here, knowing the next conversation will be the last. And knowing there is nothing I can do. I feel so lost.