don't understand

[mrlee75]

I've come to terms that I completely don't understand the girl I've been dating for almost 2 years. Basically, I've done everything I can do try and make things work, but I will not be a doormat. Basically for the term of our relationship she has always called me during the week to come over and sleep over. I had no problems with this as it was a great feeling, I knew it was a horrible idea and I know the problems in our relationship stem from this, and the way she is.

So here's what I feel. I feel that I am unappreciated, taken advantage of, and completely used. The worst part of it all, is after all this time I don't completely trust her nor do I trust her to be there for me. I feel that the entire relationship has been based on her terms. She comes over during the weekdays and hangs out with me. When she has a dinner date or something with her friends she usually comes over after, if it's not too late. When it is too late and I say no, she gets sad and complains about it once in a while. On the weekends I want to hang out and just chill like we do during the weekday, but she's young and wants to go out with her friends. I don't mind it for the most part, but it gets to the point where she's going out constantly. Sometimes the entire weekend and hangs out with me during the day. From her point of view she sees me enough, which I don't disagree completely. But, whenever I want to hang out with her on the weekend or set something up she either says no, or complies and brings it up later when we fight about her not being able to go out with her friends, and she had to do X with me. A few of her friends were in relationships, but most are single. When she does go out, she uses every excuse possible. I see you all the time, we spend so much time together, I don't get to see my friends, we (5 girls) barely get to go out together. I've heard all of these consecutively for 3-5 weeks straight, when I bring up the fact that I want to hang out with her on a saturday night or on the weekends.

From my perspective I feel like I'm there when she's not busy or when her friends aren't doing anything. This was proven once when she told me she was going out with the girls friday night after we had fought about seeing each other/not spending time together. I said that's fine, but her friends bailed last minute the night of so she made plans with one of my close friends brother for dinner and then called me up to see if I wanted to hang out, when she turned me down during the week to hang out because her friends wanted to do something. I was upset with this and told her no, I'm going out with my friends. My friends brother called me as well and asked if I wanted to join, but I was bitter so I told him that it was supposed to be their girls night out. After dinner she meets up with me and my friends and acts all cuddly and cute. But later when we got into a fight, she brings it up and says I was being irrational for emphasizing to my friends brother it was girls night and I had no right to be mad because plans change....

I can go on about a lot of things in this relationship, like how I wanted a break, but she didn't believe in it and now she was a break. Or one time when she was blatantly flriting with guys for drinks while I was on the side, i usually buy food, drinks movies, etc...and told her I wanted to save money, so she rationalizes her behavior by saying she was helping me save money. Not once did she offer to buy me a drink, or offer anything to me. She glanced to the side a few times and that was it. Her friend even questioned our relationship. She gets drunk every weekend with herfriends and blacks out. She went on a trip to new york with her long time guy friend and blacked out in his friends apartment....or the time she told me to cancel fathers day dinner becasue i promised I'd spend the entire sunday with her....

i don't know what to do with this anymore. It's been going on so long that it's absurd. She wanted to call it quits the other day saying that she's 24 and wants her freedom and that I make her feel guilty every time she goes out. In my opinion she wants the best of both worlds. where she gets to see me but has the option to go out on the weekend, every weekend when there's a party and hang out with me when there's absolutely nothing else to do. I know she does say no to her friends once in a while, but she usually makes me the bad guy by saying that she has to hang out with me. maybe some one can make me see a different side to this than the negative.

[basilandthyme]

Mrlee, the relationship has reached it's conclusion. And frankly, it could have concluded long ago, but I guess you weren't ready to end it.

You're not getting your needs met and she wants to call it quits. Let her go and be strong in the knowledge that you'll find a new girl who will love to hang out with you on Friday and Saturday nights.

[mrlee75]

I can see that, and honestly have put myself through a whole lot of crap to be in this relationship. I don't know what I'm hanging on to.

I don't want to spend all my time with my girlfriend nor do I expect her to spend all her time with me. What I do want is some fairness and not have to plan ahead to hang out with her on the weekends because she's so busy with her friends....partying....

[basilandthyme]

mrlee, it's time to accept that this relationship isn't giving you what you want - and it's NOT going to give you what you want. You and she are just far too different.

And don't make the mistake again of putting yourself through a whole lot of crap to be in a relationship. A relationship worth having is not this difficult

[namemyname]

Never make someone else a priority, when you are their option.

[mrlee75]

thanks for the support. i hate this feeling, but I know it's for the better.