Confused, hurt yet Hopeful

[michelle23]

Okay addiction debate aside.. What are you gonna do pluv?

[namemyname]

I guess so.. People can be happy regardless of what they do on their free time. Saying people can't smoke weekly, monthly (or even daily if they see fit) and still be in a happy relationship is like saying people that drink socially are automatically alcoholics and as such incapable of having a steady relationship. Its just not true.

The definition of addiction is continuing to do something even though it negatively effects their lives, livelyhood or well-being.. Which I don't think that my occasional joint is effecting.

You are an addict, though. You said you smoke to relax. Any time you use to alter your emotional condition or to cope, you're addicted. You are clearly a functioning addict, but many people are.

Oh, you can be in a happy relationship with another addict, sure. But someone who is clean and sober, no way.

[PLuv]

Okay addiction debate aside.. What are you gonna do pluv?

I feel like I should move on.. Hold a friendship with this new girl. Take it super slow, if we both decide we are ready for the next step in a few months - so be it. And if not, I am okay with that too.. I just can't take the limbo in-betweeness anymore. I have been hurting for a while and I just want a shot at being happy

[michelle23]

I feel like I should move on.. Hold a friendship with this new girl. Take it super slow, if we both decide we are ready for the next step in a few months - so be it. And if not, I am okay with that too.. I just can't take the limbo in-betweeness anymore. I have been hurting for a while and I just want a shot at being happy

Okay great. You have made your decision and now you need to stick to it. Have you told your ex its over and that you are not coming back? Have you told her to look after herself financially? (assuming you are still paying rent at the place she stole from you)..

You then need to block her from your phone, FB, email etc etc and completely let her go.

[TablesandChairs]

If there's not more to the story, then your (ex) girlfriend is unreasonable and beyond horrible; asking you out of the blue to move out under the pretense 'get your life together' when your life is already together? What more did she want exactly?

Here's my honest opinion: she was hoping to find someone else; someone wealthier, perhaps, who could 'take care of her' (such an outdated thing, really). Alas, she didn't find millionaire prince charming - instead, you found someone else. This sent her into a panic and hence, she's trying to claw her way back in. It will probably only be a matter of time before she flakes out again - she's just trying to prevent anything starting with the new girl, ensuring you 'choose' her over the other etc. Silly games.

Here's how it is - when you find someone you want to share your life with, you don't let them go. If they have habits you dislike, you work through them together provided the other party is willing to give up whatever was causing concern (which you did). I wouldn't date a weed smoker, been there, done that. He insisted it didn't affect him but that was denial, it did. Nonetheless, you respected her wishes and quit. What else is there to do?

She's wasting your time.

[PLuv]

If there's not more to the story, then your (ex) girlfriend is unreasonable and beyond horrible; asking you out of the blue to move out under the pretense 'get your life together' when your life is already together? What more did she want exactly?

Here's my honest opinion: she was hoping to find someone else; someone wealthier, perhaps, who could 'take care of her' (such an outdated thing, really). Alas, she didn't find millionaire prince charming - instead, you found someone else. This sent her into a panic and hence, she's trying to claw her way back in. It will probably only be a matter of time before she flakes out again - she's just trying to prevent anything starting with the new girl, ensuring you 'choose' her over the other etc. Silly games.

Here's how it is - when you find someone you want to share your life with, you don't let them go. If they have habits you dislike, you work through them together provided the other party is willing to give up whatever was causing concern (which you did). I wouldn't date a weed smoker, been there, done that. He insisted it didn't affect him but that was denial, it did. Nonetheless, you respected her wishes and quit. What else is there to do?

She's wasting your time.

I appreciate the clear-headed viewpoint... I know what I need to do, and its going to be hard but I have to let my "GF" go.. I don't know what she wants and I used to have utmost confidence in our relationship first year and a half.. But since then, just painful things have been happening. It is hard because she is aggressively trying to get me back.. Phone calls, crying, showing up at my place unannounced.. How do I make it clear that this is over and minimize her broken heart and tears? and why do I care so much??

[PLuv]

Okay great. You have made your decision and now you need to stick to it. Have you told your ex its over and that you are not coming back? Have you told her to look after herself financially? (assuming you are still paying rent at the place she stole from you)..

You then need to block her from your phone, FB, email etc etc and completely let her go.

I told her that I lost all confidence in our relationship and I have been hurt too bad by her actions but I think she is selectively ignoring me. She keeps texting me about how much she loves me and doesn't want to lose me.. If there is one weak spot I have, its when woman cry and she knows that and has been doing it often.. I don't know how to go about making it clear to her that I need space & time away from her completely. Saying it is so easy but the execution in this case is quite painstaking. Help?

[michelle23]

I know your a nice guy and you dont wana hurt anybody but think of all the times she has hurt you! This girl does not deserve anything from you-not your pity or your respect. She has screwed you around for months, kicked you out of your own home that you did her a favor by allowing her to move into, gave mixed signals, tried to change everything about you that makes you who you are, broke your heart at least 50 times, made a fool of you and only when she saw that another girl wants you and she has some competition she starts pretending to give a crap about you putting on the water works and acting like an innocent victim..

The girl is f**ked up in the head, mentallu unstable, next she will be threatening to tie a rope round her neck. Shes abusive and manipulate.

Ill say it again-she deserves nothing from you and you do need to be a cunt to her. Its the only way to get rid of her. Tell her you are sick to death of her s**t, you are not coming back end of story and there is nothing she ca do or say to change your mind. Tell her that her crocodile tears aint gonna work and you have a date tomorrow night, your moving on and you suggest she does the same.

If she doesnt go away after that-you need to get meaner. Tell her to f**k off and never contact you again. Then delete her and block her from every SN site, your phone email etc and move house if you need to.

[michelle23]

If that doesnt work tell her the new girl is much better in bed than her and has a way hotter body as well as a hotter personality- now get stuffed