He confided in a girl and kissed her 💔

[rileysmummy]

Never thought i would be writing this online! Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now, we have a wonderful 8 week old baby. Things have been tough. He was very premature due to a bad heart, 5 weeks in hospital and since he has been home naturally our worlds have been turned upside down. I never realised how bad our relationship had got until he told me he had met a girl, gave her a lift home and confided to her about our problems and they kissed. Our relationship I admittedly terrible. He works long hours and when he comes home he never gets the quality time with me or his son as he wishes. He says he's tired at work and my reply is oh you're lucky I got up 3 times in the night to do feeds, what about me and so on.

I understand how he is feeling, I went through it in a past relationship. But even though I am willing to work on this relationship. He is adamant not to. He doesn't want a relationship right now, yet he loves me and wants to be with me.

There's more to all of this but I've summarised it lol. I'm asking for advice or opinions (: thank you thank you thank you in advance (:

[michelle23]

Hes weak hun. I am sorry this has happened to you and at such a stressful time. Some people do not have the maturity to survive in a relationship when the going gets tough. The first crisis you go through and he replaces you with someone else instead of being strong for you and your baby and working through it together. It may seem like the end of the world right now but its not. There are stronger men out there who would never let you down at such a difficult time or ever. The reason he is saying he cannot be with you right now is because he is going to go and pursue this other girl. You do not need any more heart ache. You have an ill baby to think of and it is better to be on your own and do that than to deal with him and his issues.

Kick him out and tell him not to come back. This wont be the last time he will do this to you. Some people just lack the inner strenght to last in a long term relationship. When everything is good between you, they are great but as soon as things get difficult-they run and find someone else who is less complicated. Hes not husband material. He has a lot of growing up to do and he cannot be what you need him to be right now.

I know its tough, the thought of being a single mum is scary but you can do it. Even if you really want to make it work, he has already told you its not an option so just save yourself the pain of being rejected 50 times and of him hopping back and forth like a yo-yo, coming and going when it suits him and playing you like a fiddle, you find the strenght and put your foot down, you tell him you and him are finished and it is his choice whether he is gonna be a good dad or not, you are not going to force him. If he wants to see his kid, you will set up a custody agreement where you and him have as little contact as possible and you both get on with your lives without each other.

[pcmaster]

I think this is the hardest part. Baby takes a lot from both of you so you have less time from eachother and relationship get under real test. As far its not so bad its been just a kiss. My dad slept with other women when I was 2 weeks old. He left when I was 3 years old. I wish he would stay for longer cause its sucks grow up without father.

You are in needly place right now but best you can do is not to be afraid. Realise that other women are not tied down by babies and they dont go on him with domestic problems. Thats why he chooses easy route where they dont excpect things that hes oblicated to do for you. Demanding something or making drama will not solve anything. If he wana go let him go but if he wants to come back make sure he proves that he is good enought for you, Realise that its not you who lose something - its him who makes mistake.

[horndog]

The guy is experiencing the male counterpart of postpartum depression. If you really want to try to sort things out with him then explain to him how you feel and that he probably could stand some counseling and that you are willing to go with him. If he decides that he does not want to seek counseling or work on the relationship then agree to the separation. Tell him that you expect his financial support during that time apart for the baby and if after 90 days he decides that he wants to be a part of you and your babies life then give him the opportunity to come back if you still want him. Also let him know that at the end of 90 days if you are still no longer a couple that you are going to file for child support and end any prospects of a relationship with him, essentially shutting the door. Also be very stern with him and let him know that this time apart is specifically for him to figure out where he wants to be in regards to you and his baby, not a free pass to stick his penis in anything that moves and come crawling back. His behavior while you are separated should and will be a big part of your decision as to whether you want him back.

[Wakeup]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now, we have a wonderful 8 week old baby.

i don't know about anyone else but I'm kind of disapppointed and discouraged to keep reading about young people getting themselves with child before they even get to know who they are with. So you got pregnant in the third month of knowing him and now you're discovering that he's not the ideal man for you. Nor are you his ideal. What a sad situation for all three of you. However; water under the bridge now.

Call a lawyer and get yourself straightened away financially with child support payments in place and then leave the union. Learn to live independently, better yourself so that you can become financially independent and strong enough alone so that you don't pick guys for the security. When your baby is 18, start dating again.

In the meantime, can your mother and father or; mother or father if they're divorced (not together) help you out at all?

Adding:

But even though I am willing to work on this relationship. He is adamant not to. He doesn't want a relationship right now, yet he loves me and wants to be with me.

How old are you two?

Since he's so adamant not to, then do call that lawyer.

[michelle23]

Postpartum depression? LOL, DOUBLE LOL AND TRIPPLE LOL!!!

No this guy just wants an easy way out. Bet he will be a s**t dad too.

Funny how men think they are the stronger sex. There are too many of these guys who shirk their responsibilities for that to be true. These days the good guys seem to be becoming more and more of a minority

crazy how some men are fighting for their country in wars and we still have little boys like this guy who is weaker than an overflowing tampon

[basilandthyme]

I don't think we have enough info to guess at male PPD (was the relationship bad before baby was born?). But having said that, there is much anecdotal evidence to suggest that male PPD does exist - and that it effects men in different ways to women.

I can't help but wonder if he feels like he was trapped into the marriage.

[michelle23]

I don't think we have enough info to guess at male PPD (was the relationship bad before baby was born?). But having said that, there is much anecdotal evidence to suggest that male PPD does exist - and that it effects men in different ways to women.

I can't help but wonder if he feels like he was trapped into the marriage.

I get that it does exist. My bf father had it four times. However, in these situations I feel it would be wrong to use that as an excuse for cheating or abandoning her. It is a case of it all happened too fast, he feels trapped and he wants out. I've seen it so many times when young people have kids, he starts cheating. Its not an excuse though. My dad never bailed on my mum, he was 17, my cousin never bailed on his gf-he was 19. Some men are strong, some are weak.

And even if it was PPD, I wouldn't forgive him. She could end up becoming ill now because of what he has done. I know a girl who was diagnosed with PND. She still had it a year after her baby was born and it was all because he cheated on her when she was pregnant. She was so possessive of the kid, she didn't trust him at all and when he would say shes our baby, she would cry and say no shes mine. I felt really sorry for her. She was heartbroken and terrified he would hurt her kid the way he hurt her.

[rileysmummy]

Hey erm a lot to reply to but he wasn't like this before at all. Very settled, happy, honest... I must admit PPD has already crossed my mind and if that is the case then it would explain a lot!! Thank you everyone so far for your input, some hurt but really has helped xxx

[Wakeup]

You knew him not even a year... of course it wasn't like that before. Now that he's gotten to know you, he doesn't want what he's found himself tethered to. He is adamant about not making this work. You need to face reality now and figure out how you're going to manage looking after a child basically while on your own. Don't make this mistake again, luv. Learn from it and be safe by insisiting your partner wear a condom even if you're on BC pills until you know him well enough to have had STD/STI tests out of the way with clean results and what his view on having children are and when he thinks he'd be ready, if ever to have them... as well as what he would do if such a mistake should happen.

You live in Britain where you have access to free health care, the morning after pill and safe sex clinics. This really should never have happened but now that it has, be mature about it and find out what your options are and use the facilities available to you to get the help you're going to need when he's not in your life anymore. Even if you reconcile for the time being, you should know what your options are if he bolts again on you.

[michelle23]

Please hun dont delude yourself into believing this is PPD. Its not. You are on your own with an 8week baby. Thats the reality and you need to accept that. Hes let you down when you needed him the most. Even if he does come back, i doubt you will ever forgive him.

You just need to focus on being a good mum right now. Dont lose your self respect and dignity by begging him to come home. You wont be happy with him even if he does come back and its only a matter of time efore he hurts you again.

You will meet someone else in time and you will be okay. Surround yourself with family and friends and dont be afraid to ask for help

good luck xx

[horndog]

Op, Only you know what will be best for your relationship. I have no idea if its PPd or not but as a father I can tell you from EXPERIENCE that when you become a father a lot of stuff goes through your head, even with the guys in stable relationships with planned pregnancies. That doesn't mean all guys are going to flip out like your guy did but it can certainly throw some for a loop, especially the young.There is only one way to find out and right or wrong I think I have given you a fairly good plan to follow but you still need to decide if it is the right one for you.

Remember one thing as you work through this. There are some people here offering advice with no real world experience to back up what they are saying but hey, they read about it on the internet so they must be experts right? anyway good luck with your situation and I hope you are able to come to a resolution based upon what you feel is best for you and your baby.

[michelle23]

That is just a BS excuse. Sorry i dont care what anyone says. She has been through the exact same as him if not worse. Do you think new mothers find it easy? Do you not think it takes its toll on her too? Shes not the one who kissed someone else or walked out the door on her baby. I have no problem with men in general but men who make ecuses for this kinda shit piss me off big time

[TablesandChairs]

Say the roles were reversed; men were the ones who got pregnant, not women. How would I feel if my boyfriend got pregnant after just 3 months of knowing him? I'd be terrible. I'd feel completely unprepared, unplanned and stuck. I'd feel like my whole life would change before I was ready for it to change so drastically. I'd be kicking myself for not using contraception. Parenthood is tough even on people who planned the pregnancy years in advance - even for people who knew what to expect and had plans in place. Let alone for people who didn't.

You're in a tough place; I'm not sure if he'll stick around long term. He's overwhelmed but not exactly doing the right thing by you or the child.

[rileysmummy]

I feel very stupid now as I spent days begging him to come back, offering him the world. Sad to say 4 days after admitting he cheated, he went out clubbing with his friends. He didn't see our little boy all day yesterday because of that and it has taken me by surprise! But yep I did beg for him to come back, ME! He kept saying he didn't want to and it just broke my heart and I was in tears..... I've arranged to go to the doctors for antidepressants, I am suffering PPD myself but felt I could handle it and get through it without drugs or support, really I was scared my baby would be taken from me if they found me to be unstable. Don't really know what else to say but thank you for the extra messages xxx