Are all men perverted, or just mine?

[michelle23]

Your kids are away and you basically bought him a ticket to the equivalent of an adult sex themed amusement park. Let him have his fun for the week and Im sure he will return to normal after the kids come back. He's living in a fantasy world right now after being all stoked up on porn. He will get over it and I hardly see an addiction. Guys talk about sex with other guys all the time and its completely normal. I wouldn't be too concerned if I were you at this point, if he still carries one with this when the kids come home then I would be concerned, otherwise just keep riding the fleshrod and enjoy yourself.

Read her other posts dog. The guy is horrible. They are not together long and the child is hers, not his. All he wants is sex and sandwiches. He treats her live a slave. Hes controlling and possessive, angry, jealous. And I would be concerned about any guy who watches that much porn to the point where he gets confused between fantasy and reality.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you just learn to accomodate him in the bedroom. You've learned to accomodate his bs outside the bedroom so why not just be who he wants you to be and stop complaining about it? You're not going to leave him so why bother sharing your sex life and other aspects of your union with us?

Normal is what's normal for you. Do YOU thinks he's normal, a good partner, puts your needs ahead of his own on occassion, makes sure you're happy? Or is the opposite to all that your current "normal?"

[michelle23]

look up co-dependency nightshade. If your gonna stay with this piece of shit of a man then stop complaining about it. Get him a little bell that he can ring and let him put a collar around your neck and a leash. Have fun

Co-dependents stay in miserable relationships and they are good at constantly b**tching and whining about their OH. Its not a good relationship if all you do is complain about him. Why don't you grow a pair? I am sick to death of hearing my bfs mum complain about her man 24 ****ing 7.. If your not happy, you know where the door is and if your not gonna do nothing about it then stfu

[Nightshade]

To be fair folks, you have only heard the nitty gritty of our relationship. I shake my head in awe of your supernatural powers of obsveration and pray to the Gods none of you witchburners get into office. This is a relationship forum. Probably NOT the place to be if you DON'T want to hear about the intimate details of strangers.

I don't have anyone to vent to when shit goes awry, because discussing personal matters is very taboo where I come from and a great many of our close friends are mutual. Unfortunately for you folks, thay means you will likely be hearing a lot more about the antics of my relationship.

I like it here. Some of you actually seem intelligent. I enjoy learning.

And I am NOT co'dependant. I own everything and make everything happen. He works very hard for me and the WORST of what he has done inbetween being a wonderful boyfriend and helping me achieve my goals, is written right here on this forum. I am not some meek, abused woman. I'm actually quite the bitch, which is the main attribute that has driven me to where I am today.

Thank you horndog for the relatively unbiased response. He is a reasonable man so I'm sure your right.

[michelle23]

I get that it is an advice forum and I like helping people but most people who come here actually listen to the advice they get and don't back peddle whenever they hear something they don't want to hear. You write a whole essay about how bad he is and then you say "hes really not that bad". He sounds awful to me.

Co-dependency has nothing to do with owning your own house, having money, working etc. It is when a person stays in an unhappy relationship in the hope that he will magically change and things will one day get better which they wont.

Look up narcissistic personality disorder. He has many of the signs.

Please tell me the good things about him? I am anxious to know since you have not said one good thing since you joined the forum.

BTW people in healthy relationships don't have a new issue every week that they need external help for. That should probably happen once in ten years.

[Wakeup]

To be fair folks, you have only heard the nitty gritty of our relationship. I shake my head in awe of your supernatural powers of obsveration and pray to the Gods none of you witchburners get into office. This is a relationship forum. Probably NOT the place to be if you DON'T want to hear about the intimate details of strangers.

I shake my head at your attitude. If you can't handle the truth as we see it, then don't ask the question. Your relationship sounds awful. If it's so good, then why are you here about him so often?

I don't have anyone to vent to when shit goes awry, because discussing personal matters is very taboo where I come from and a great many of our close friends are mutual.

What? You don't trust your best friend? your parents?

Unfortunately for you folks, thay means you will likely be hearing a lot more about the antics of my relationship.

How about you take your antics to a couples councellor so that you actually have him involved in the process of making this a healthy relationship. You need to learn how to communicate with HIM.. NOT US.

I like it here. Some of you actually seem intelligent. I enjoy learning.

That's awesome, but if hes not in on the learning then you can't do his learning for him. He has to be hearing the advice as well and communicating to you, wanting to make you happy.

And I am NOT co'dependant. I own everything and make everything happen. He works very hard for me and the WORST of what he has done inbetween being a wonderful boyfriend and helping me achieve my goals, is written right here on this forum. I am not some meek, abused woman. I'm actually quite the bitch, which is the main attribute that has driven me to where I am today.

You need to look up codependency and get the true meaning of the word before you can decide that you're not afflicted with it. Google "Am I co-dependent" and educate yourself.

Thank you horndog for the relatively unbiased response. He is a reasonable man so I'm sure your right.

Let us know if he changes once the kids come back. Telling you what you want to hear is all fine and good but the proof is in the eating of the pudding.

Good luck.

[Nightshade]

I'm not about to run to a couples counsellor after having one serious fight. I personally feel that's a bit overkill.
I do not "run here" to complain very often. I did that one time, the other two posts have been mostly vague topics of things that intrigue me about men. Trying tobhave some open dialogue and whatnot.

I can trust my bestfriend. But he's a dude. Not a normal dude either (I think he's in the closet and it's affecting his life detrimentally).
And I would NEVER talk to my parents about such personal matters. Oh my various Gods. That is a terrifying thought!

I don't think he needs to learn anything. The first time I came here, I took a lot of the advice given and we were able to work it out. He is very willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy.

I'll let you guys know what happens when the monster returns. I think though that horndog is right. I believe he's just "living it up". Still it's surprising how nasty he can be......some men are pervs I guess.


Michelle I think that's a good idea. I'll do that later on when I'm on the computer. My phone is difficult to type on

[michelle23]

[/QUOTE]Thank you horndog for the relatively unbiased response. He is a reasonable man so I'm sure your right.[/QUOTE]

1/20 tells you your bf is normal and his behaviour is fine and thats the one you listen to. Do you come here for actual advice or just so we will tell you that theres something wrong with you and your bf is perfectly normal

[LifeInflux]

Uhm, a lot of you are overreacting to the situation.... this is one week out of a relationship... one of which this guy showed no ill will towards the child or anything like that.

Having a sexual relationship where you can be open with your partner isn't a bad thing.... he's excited about trying new things.. and thats find to an extent. Sometimes you can get into these kinds of states where situations just "do it" for you.

Porn isn't a bad thing, neither is his sex drive currently... and if it truly does bother you.. just talk to him about it and tell him what you like about his behavior.. and what you don't... we can't change that. He'll either understand, or he won't...


There is quite a lot of idiocy that floats around here with "breaking up" with people over things that usually have simple solutions...


As for the perversion.... a lot of men watch porn... a lot of men get off to it... thats normal. Women do too... you just have to make a judgement call on how much you're willing to allow before its truly an issue for you. Draw a line and let him know about it... enjoy

[Nightshade]

I think arguing is healthy provided it's productive. I wouldn't want to be with someone who only argued with me every 10 years. That would be a clear indication of a lobotomized partner, imo. My ex and I never fought. Like, ever. I felt like he didn't care about me at all. Maybe I am "crazy", but I'm happy with that I suppose....

[Nightshade]

Thanks lifeinflux.

[Wakeup]

When I responded to you, I wasn't even taking porn or arguing into consideration. Many, many couples watch porn together (we do) and all argue now and again. How can you not when two people are living in the same space, shit happens occassionally. That's not the point. The point is you have had nothing good to say about this man which makes some of us wonder why you're with him. The fact that you don't know what is "normal" when what is "normal" is what the two of you are happy with (not what we think is normal) and it's not affecting your lives in negative ways.

I'm not sure if you're just posting because you're bored or you actually are worried about your life with him. You did a 360 when the health of your relationship was actually questioned and you started justifying and defending. So whats the truth of the matter? Are you simply looking for validation? Will validation that its "normal" according to the two men who posted here make you all jiggy with your partner then?

[michelle23]

Lol i didnt say an argument once every ten years in normal. I said if you need this much advice on your relationship then its likely unhealthy. In 5years i have only needed advice once and that was coz my head was messed up after losing a close relative and i wasnt sure whether to stay with him while i grieve or not..

Its your life girl. His sex drive doesnt sound normal to me. Why dont you ask an expert and see what they say look up the signs of porn addiction if your worried as well as sex addiction.

sure all guys talk to each other about sex, so do girls ut most dont go into a lot of detail to the point where you would be shocked over hearing it..

I would be far more worried thoughabout his controlling behaviour. Does he still refuse to take you out encase other men look at you? Does he still tell you what to wear? When was the last time he forced you out of bed to make his lunch? And when was the last time he flew into a fit of rage when you said no to him! Or have you not said no since that one time?

[namismybabe]

meh:

- Who is to say he doesn't confide with his father, mother, or any other close person? that said, if what he says bothers you, raise it with him.

- ask him, calmly, that his sex habits are too much

I agree that you and he are probably not compatible in that sense.

[Nightshade]

I'm not sure if you're just posting because you're bored or you actually are worried about your life with him. You did a 360 when the health of your relationship was actually questioned and you started justifying and defending. So whats the truth of the matter? Are you simply looking for validation? Will validation that its "normal" according to the two men who posted here make you all jiggy with your partner then?

I guess part of it IS that I'm bored, or rather, avoiding certain aspects of my life (awful boyfriend, aside..). I don't understand how my intentions on this forum affect your motivation to comment on my posts. Do you take this forum very seriously? If you feel my posts are a waste of your time, by all means, feel free to pass through. Or even leave a friendly "**** you", if it makes you feel better. Antecedent, behaviour, consequence. If you want to play psychologist to randoms on the internet, it may help to remember your ABC's and try to remain objective.

At any rate, you're right about a lot of things. I really SHOULD speak more of his finer qualities, especially since I intend on sticking around here(it's good for coffee breaks and late evenings).

I would like to say again though, that when I initially came here....I did need help and some of you really did make a difference in how my boyfriend and I resolve conflict, as of late. I appreciate the thoughtful advice I received by some of the wiser members of this forum and even the...err....interesting perspectives that some of you shared.

I suppose a certain degree of sanctimony is to be expected around a place like this. I can be cool with that. I hope my response satisfied you.
I'm always in a bit of a rush, I don't get much time on the computer.