Are all men perverted, or just mine?

[Nightshade]

@ Michelle
I don't think an expert is necessary. I wouldn't be "online" if I felt I needed the intervention, or consultation of a professional. I was more or less, just hoping some other women was in a relationship with a man with similar tastes to my own and that we could discuss the parallels of our situation.

He still likes to give input on what I wear, he does take me out more (he just likes to openly kiss/hug me so people know we're together), we make his lunch together now and he has held his tongue many times since that incident, taking time to consider what he says to me. Or, he'll warn me that "it's going to come out all wrong because he hasn't had time to articulate himself". Our communication skills have increased 100X and I am very happy for that fact.

I'm going to try to be more positive with my posts regarding him.

If I seem defensive, it's because I love him dearly and he has been trying very hard to patch things up with me. He deserves a bit of credit.
But there's no way any of you could know that. /Sigh....you're just well meaning internet-folk. Which is nice!

[michelle23]

Okay just dont take any more crap from him. A relationship should make you happy

[Wakeup]

I guess part of it IS that I'm bored, or rather, avoiding certain aspects of my life (awful boyfriend, aside..). I don't understand how my intentions on this forum affect your motivation to comment on my posts. Do you take this forum very seriously? If you feel my posts are a waste of your time, by all means, feel free to pass through.

Where did you read that I implied any of that? *shakes head*

Or even leave a friendly "**** you",

Here's one better **** off with your shitty attitude when you're not reading exactly what you want to hear) Sorry but I'm not going to tell you anything different then the picture I see you painting of him.

if it makes you feel better. Antecedent, behaviour, consequence. If you want to play psychologist to randoms on the internet, it may help to remember your ABC's and try to remain objective.

I am objective. The problem is I'm not being biased towards your tunnel vision sorry I've not told you what you want to hear.

At any rate, you're right about a lot of things. I really SHOULD speak more of his finer qualities, especially since I intend on sticking around here(it's good for coffee breaks and late evenings).

No ****ing kidding... stop being a douche. When you get advice or thoughts on what you've posted that make you afraid and defensive. That means you see some truth in it more then it means you disagree with it.

I would like to say again though, that when I initially came here....I did need help and some of you really did make a difference in how my boyfriend and I resolve conflict, as of late. I appreciate the thoughtful advice I received by some of the wiser members of this forum and even the...err....interesting perspectives that some of you shared.

lolzzz

I suppose a certain degree of sanctimony is to be expected around a place like this. I can be cool with that. I hope my response satisfied you.

I don't need satisfying... this is YOUR life that you are complaining about, not mine, schweety pie.

I'm always in a bit of a rush, I don't get much time on the computer.

whatever... your schedule is your schedule. See ya when we see ya

I'm going to try to be more positive with my posts regarding him.

Good because the more you complain about him to us and not communicate to him about your needs not being met, then the more of an emotional disconnect you will find yourself trying to cross with him. Speak with him first about what is troubling you and then if you're not resolving perhaps some UNBIASED opinions here will help you to articulate to HIM whats bothering you.

[HeartIsAching]

I think arguing is healthy provided it's productive. I wouldn't want to be with someone who only argued with me every 10 years. That would be a clear indication of a lobotomized partner, imo. My ex and I never fought. Like, ever. I felt like he didn't care about me at all. Maybe I am "crazy", but I'm happy with that I suppose....

Argument is almost never productive. Argument means attack and counter-attack. Attack produces defense, which shuts down listening.

Fact.

If by "argument" you actually mean "discussion until consensus", then I'll agree with you... but that's not really what 'argument' means.

I've NEVER argued with my wife, and she's never argued with me. I've known her for 22 years, been living with her for 2 1/2 years, and married for 2 years. We've discussed issues between us many times, but not one argument in 22 years. We've had a few disagreements, followed by discussion, but that's not the same thing.

[michelle23]

Nightshade it is your life and its up to you whether you stay or go. I think you should look up shining knight syndrome. I just remembered more details from your original post and when you staryted seeing him you knew it would take a LOT of work to mould him into the perfect bf you want him to be. People dont change unless they really want to. Just understand you canot "fix" himm.

I know hes not the type lf role model i would want around my child but its your choice the type of people you expose your baby to. Just remember its your job as a mother to put your kid first over your latest bf whos not his/her father and if you stay with a man who controls you or is abusive towards you-it is only a matter of time before your child goes into care.

[Lord Darkshire]

Some guys are just more geared towards sex more than others. If this isn't the type of guy you wish to share your life with with then maybe consider separating. Even with communication, you can't change a man's sexual appetite or behavior unless HE sees it as a problem. So the choice is up to you.....put up with it or walk away from it.