The "drinks at a bar" dilemma...

**confused2207** · 29-07-13, 12:36 PM

So my gf and I have dated almost two years. It's great. So last night she went out for a girl's night with sister and friends. They've done this before, but never really had this discussion. She said her bar tab was pretty cheap because they met this group of guys who bought them drinks. I really dont think thats a big deal. Especially because one guy had his own business and had more money than he knew what to do with. She then bought the group a round (the guys and her friends). Said she bought for the guys because she "didnt wanna owe them anything." also makessense. Thats how she is. But then I see in her phone one guy text her "hey gorgeous" (she didn't reply.) And she told me this guy, kepttaking her. hand and dragging her to the dance floor, where at the beginning of the night she walked back but at the end, "I was a little drunk so we danced some. Nothing like grinding, but just twirled around and whatever." and then she tells me he called and left her a message "but I deleted it, it didnt make any sense." I asked why she gave him her number, and she told me her sister, who is single and was actually interested in one of the guys gave it to them when she was giving them hers. She says she doesnt even know the guys name and I believe her.

Anyone find anything odd about this or no? I've jokingly said " if I bought other girls drinks would that be okay?" but thats kinda how I feel. She's open with me about everything (except the message thing was kinda vague) but im not accusing anything. But how do you feel about the buying drinks thing? I dont wanna seem like a overbearing boyfriend, but quite frankly, I don't want some guy twirling my girl across the dance floor, or sending "hey gorgeous" messages.

Some say a little protectiveNess and jealousy is good for a relationship. Is that all it is?

**luvhelpplease** · 29-07-13, 04:27 PM

I think you should just tell her, that it bothered you a bit to hear about her dancing with another guy. I don't think that's being too over bearing. The drinks thing could be innocent, since she bought for the whole group. The deleted message doesn't sound right, sounds like she could be hiding something about that. But maybe it was just a message she didn't like, and didn't want to get you worried about it? You should just tell her your concerns. And you have every right to not like the idea of another guy dancing with your girl. I would feel the same way if my bf did that on a guy's night out.

**michelle23** · 29-07-13, 05:54 PM

why dont you just take the guys number and say "why are you texting my girl" see what he says

**horndog** · 29-07-13, 08:19 PM

Sounds like a pretty normal girls night out to me. I would think nothing of it and let it go. Don't go doing anything cheesy like texting the other guy, that's so 5th grade. Sounds like she had a great time. Guys buy drinks for ladies all the time. I have no problem with it and it sounds like your woman did the right thing. I hate to dance and its good for my wife to have nights like this away from me where she can get her groove on. Your girl got off easy, sometimes my wife saves a little cash and just shows her boobs to show her gratitude for the drinks, LOL! Guys love it

**michelle23** · 29-07-13, 08:36 PM

Again dog your relationship aint normal and could you stop acting all high and mighty coz your older than me. Get off your high horse. Most men would not be okay with his wife flashing her boobs in a bar. Stop forcing your views on other people. If it works for you, fine but again most people who come here for advice wouldnt be okay with that so your advice in this situation is useless

**horndog** · 29-07-13, 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by michelle23

Again dog your relationship aint normal and could you stop acting all high and mighty coz your older than me. Get off your high horse. Most men would not be okay with his wife flashing her boobs in a bar. Stop forcing your views on other people. If it works for you, fine but again most people who come here for advice wouldnt be okay with that so your advice in this situation is useless

Michelle-WTF are you talking about? Im not forcing my views on anybody, unlike you every day. I share my experiences and opinions and that is all. Between marriage and dating my wife and I Have been together almost as long as you have been living so I think I have a bit of experience to share. I am not "most men" and take great pride in being different. Since when were you elected the judge of what people find as useful advice anyway? LOL

Funny how you want to tell people they are forcing views on you as you are passing judgment and in return forcing your own. Strange.

**Kromat83** · 29-07-13, 09:03 PM

Why is dancing with another guy, a deal breaker for you ?
when I go to dance classes, I am there to practice, I am not sending a message that I want a relationship, but I might make a friend out of it, and hang out with others at an event.
Your being way too jealous over nothing serious, guys buy drinks for girls all the time, and didn't make any contact about it.
If you were in a 2+ year relationship and she slept with one guy, that would be the end of it ?
I wouldn't end it if that happened, we would just have a talk about that incident and what she wants us to be in the future.
If you worry about everything she does, what freedom will she have with her friends ?

**michelle23** · 29-07-13, 09:12 PM

Originally Posted by horndog

Michelle-WTF are you talking about? Im not forcing my views on anybody, unlike you every day. I share my experiences and opinions and that is all. Between marriage and dating my wife and I Have been together almost as long as you have been living so I think I have a bit of experience to share. I am not "most men" and take great pride in being different. Since when were you elected the judge of what people find as useful advice anyway? LOL

Funny how you want to tell people they are forcing views on you as you are passing judgment and in return forcing your own. Strange.

All Im saying is what is "normal" for you and your wife is not normal for most people. How is that forcing my opinion? I am not forcing my opinion on anyone. It is a fact that your relationship is not the norm and telling this guy that it would be okay for his girl to flash her boobs at the bloke is messed up IMO

**horndog** · 29-07-13, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by michelle23

All Im saying is what is "normal" for you and your wife is not normal for most people. How is that forcing my opinion? I am not forcing my opinion on anyone. It is a fact that your relationship is not the norm and telling this guy that it would be okay for his girl to flash her boobs at the bloke is messed up IMO

Michelle- again, Who made you the judge of normal? how do your opinions carry more credence than mine? Don't bother answering, I have better things to do today than banter with you

**searock** · 29-07-13, 10:02 PM

I agree with michelle - in most relationships, the guy is not ok with his partner flashing her boobs to strangers.

**confused2207** · 29-07-13, 10:35 PM

I am naturally a protective guy. So you may well be right.

But let me just ask you this. If a guy were to go out without his girlfriend and bought another girl drinks and danced would that raise red flags to his girl?

**michelle23** · 29-07-13, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by confused2207

I am naturally a protective guy. So you may well be right.

But let me just ask you this. If a guy were to go out without his girlfriend and bought another girl drinks and danced would that raise red flags to his girl?

yes I was at a wedding recently with my bf. One of his colleagues who has a gf was offering to buy me drinks all night. I kept saying no thank you but he bought me 4 or 5 drinks anyway and he told me not to tell my bf. I was really uncomfortable and awkward even though his gf knew he bought me the last drink.. I did tell my bf but I didn't tell him it made me feel uncomfortable. He didn't think it was a big deal coz lots of people were buying rounds but i'm sure if he knew his colleague told me not to tell him-he would have a problem. I didn't tell him coz I don't want to cause hassle at work for him so I let it go.

If my bf was buying other girls drinks that he didnt know and it wasnt part of a round then yes I would see that as a red flag

**dickriculous** · 29-07-13, 11:55 PM

The guys buying her drinks isn't really a concern of mine, especially since she's being open with you about everything and telling you what's up. That makes it less likely that she has something to hide, as opposed to keeping you in the dark about all this.

However, idk about "my sister gave him my number". Da fuq kind of sister is that? Think about it, she has a boyfriend, this guy is all over her making it as obvious as possible that he wants to get into her pants, and her sister gives him her number? That smells like it could be bullshit to me, unless your gf's sister is really untrustworthy. If she's telling the truth then somebody needs to put her sister in her place, preferably your gf.

If she's really not interested in this guy then she would consider his texts a bother, in which case she would block his number. Might bring that up to her as well.

I don't even see this as a matter of being protective or of being jealous, I see it as a matter of respect. If she lets this guy keep getting close to her, texting her, and dragging her to the dancefloor and basically keep carrying out his agenda of trying to fukk her and she doesn't do anything to put a stop to his advances that's pretty disrespectful to you, it's not respectful of her to put you in that situation where you have to take a guess as to whether or not anything will happen. She knows damn well that this bothers you, as she knows damn well it would bother her if the situations were reversed.

Before you do anything rash or jump to any rash conclusions I would talk to her about this, ask her what she plans to do to put a stop to him trying to fukk her, ask her if she's ok with her sis giving her phone number to a horny guy who's clearly trying to get her to cheat and if she's ok with it how can she be? How does she not see what's wrong with that? If she's not ok with it, ask what she's going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again because that's pretty ****ed up of her sister to do, disrespectful to her and disrespectful as FUKK to you. Assuming she's telling the truth about her sister putting her (and you) in that position she needs to confront her sister about that, your gf has a responsibility to you to ensure that it doesn't happen again in the future.

Communication is key here (isn't it always?), but if it were me I wouldn't give an inch on my belief that this guy has to start leaving her alone. She should already know that.

**Maple1714** · 30-07-13, 12:42 AM

I think that your GF's sister giving out her number part was a lie.

What probably happened was this - Your GF was out like she said. Met a group a guys etc...and hit it off with one particular guy. She didn't tell him she had a boyfriend. They were having a good time and were both drunk, then he asked for her phone number. She gave it to him. He then proceeds to drunk call her that night and text her after. She felt guilty about the whole thing and told you about it. It's not really a big deal. When attractive women go out alone or with other women, men are like vultures. The only thing that is worrisome about this is that your GF felt comfortable/OK in the moment to give this guy her phone number. It worrisome b/c it means there is a small part of her that wonders what else is out there. I was in this situation myself not too long ago. This guy texted me that night and the next day. I deleted the messages and never responded. I never told my BF at the time about any of it, but what it made me do is realize that I still wanted to meet other people.

So yes, your GF still might wonder what else is out there, but she told you about it which is a really good sign. I would just let it go.

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 30-07-13, 01:15 AM

Originally Posted by Kromat83

Why is dancing with another guy, a deal breaker for you ?
when I go to dance classes, I am there to practice, I am not sending a message that I want a relationship, but I might make a friend out of it, and hang out with others at an event.
Your being way too jealous over nothing serious, guys buy drinks for girls all the time, and didn't make any contact about it.
If you were in a 2+ year relationship and she slept with one guy, that would be the end of it ?
I wouldn't end it if that happened, we would just have a talk about that incident and what she wants us to be in the future.
If you worry about everything she does, what freedom will she have with her friends ?

So basically, it's okay to **** other people while in a relationship?

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