Ok this is going to be very long, but I'm in complete shock right now and I've never felt so devastated in my whole life. Last year I moved overseas to be with my boyfriend who got a job there. We were long distance for a year prior and before that we lived together in my home country. We have been together for 3 years, he is 26 & I am 27. We also have two pets together. I gave up my whole entire life, friends, family, job, etc. to come to this country to live with him and I'm not able to work here so he promised if I came here he would support me financially, which he has gone above and beyond doing since. We are renting an apartment right now, but he was looking to buy a house for us to live in and we were looking at different options. I was very excited about this because I thought our relationship was getting more serious.
We just came back from an amazing vacation this weekend. I thought we had an amazing time, we laughed, went to 5 star restaurants, he took me shopping and bought me so many things that I felt bad about it, he pampered me, was very affectionate, gave me many compliments, just acted like he was the most in love and happy person the whole weekend. He even talked about our future together, about future trips we'd take and where we were going to live. When we got home last night he wouldn't sleep in bed with me or give me a kiss good night. He got mad when I asked him about it. He told me he hoped I had a fun vacation.
This morning he went to work and I couldn't connect to my email earlier. I messaged him good morning on skype like I usually do and he was acting very strange. Then he asked me if I was going to be home later which I thought was very odd. He told me he would be working overtime this week and then he signed offline. I started posting some pictures of our trip on facebook and he "liked" the album. I finally got into my email just 15 mins ago and found an email there from him that he sent very early this morning. This is what it said:
"Hey,
I should give you a fair warning, this is not going to be a nice email from your point of view, and I hope you believe me when I say that I am truly sorry for it...I promise you I am.
I signed the papers for my apartment Today. It is an apartment in the harbor, with 3 bedrooms (1 big and two pretty small ones). The apartment is really nice an all, only inconvenience is that it is on the 1st floor but it is in a very quite area and I like the patio and everything else about it.
It was important to me to make a decision on the apartment all by myself because this is my investment and it will only affect me, in a positive or negative way for the rest of my life. I do not plan to be in a relationship forever, I do not expect you to be with me forever, I cannot let you be involved in such a big decision knowing this. I'm sorry, I honestly wish things were different but I simply don't have the feelings for you that I once did and I am quite convinced that I never will, it doesn't matter how much you want to try, etc.
I am not 100% sure of the move-in date yet, it could be 1 month, 2 months or maybe 3 at most. Chances are that it will be sooner rather than later. Once we move in it will be EXTREMELY IMPORTANT for me to find someone to rent one of the small bedrooms. Maybe even get someone to rent the second spare bedroom a little while after that, but I'm not entirely sure of this, this would only be the case if my economy really really sucks then.
I am 100% decided to be at the financial level that I should have been at this point in my life so I want to rent at least one room because that would be the absolute fastest way for me to get there. It is also ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT to me that I visit my much beloved family this year, I love and miss them so much and I have given up the chance to spend time with them so many times before that I will not let that happen this year no matter what.
Priorities in my life from Today on are:
1. My happiness and my mental and physical health.
2. Make it possible to see my family this end of year.
3. Pay off ALL my debts and start saving money.
4. Maintain a lifestyle that allows me to save as much money as possible every month.
5. Everything else.
Of course, at this point after refusing to listen to reason for several several months, this puts you in a very odd place. I am really sorry for this. However I have over the last many years told you that this was going to happen, I have been 100% direct and open to you about it, yet you refuse to ever listen to anything I have to say in this regard. I have offered hundreds of times to help you out, to help you get where you need to be, where you want to be, to help you with anything you ask, all I asked is that you would please let us be apart. I believe that in the past, even though it is not a nice thing to go though, I was the nicest to you about it. You didn't care.
You know very well that you have taken advantage of me, and that you have FORCED me to be in a relationship with you. I asked so nicely, begged, cried, you have seen how miserable you made me and now how horrible of a person I'm becoming in your company, and you insist on continuing FORCING me ti be with you because you know that I am a nice guy and I will not simply dump you on the streets, EVER.
So yeah, You are very welcome to stay and live with me but from Today on I will continue to not have any sort of romantic, or even emotional investment on this relationship. You will be your own person living your own live, and I will live mine. Just the way you have always known that I am truly happy, alone. For now I will continue to tell people that I am in a happy relationship with you, but this will not last for long, it will definitely not be the case for a single day of next year. You have forced me to pretend long enough.
I will continue to help you get your things, but have in mind that none of your stuff is a priority to me and i will only help you out as long as it doesn't interfere with my priorities that I listed above. So don't count on things like your dance classes and such being 100% guaranteed. I will not buy presents or celebrate things with you if it interferes with my priorities and I will help you with the cost of traveling back to the States only if you intend to stay there, If you plan to go there only as a vacation then you will have to look elsewhere for help.
If you want to talk, we can talk. If you want to beg and force me into things AGAIN, we won't be doing any of that and I already have a plan in which I can stay elsewhere indefinitely and won't have to interact with each other anymore, so I highly recommend you keep that in mind.
I have tried to make things as nice and easy as possible in the past, at this point you give me no choice but to have things be this way. I no longer want to be in a relationship with you, you are beautiful and an amazing person and you deserve to be with someone who wants the same things in life that you do.
-"boyfriend's name"
P.S. With that all said, both you and myself already knowing most of what was said on this letter, I still promised you that I would try really hard for you to have a nice summer: I intend to keep that promise the same way I have kept every other promise I ever made to you. Summer will last until the end of September so if you still want, I will try to continue and do as I promised but that will for sure be the end of it."
I am completely in shock and don't even know what to make of this letter. I have sat staring at my computer screen. He is at work now and won't be home until very late. I keep going back and forth of how to handle this situation, but I feel like this is the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me and I really don't understand. What he is referring to about me "forcing him" to be in a relationship is that over two years ago when we lived in my home country he broke up with me for 3 months and moved out. I begged him to come back and finally he did, but didn't want a serious relationship. I finally left it at that, he moved overseas and then HE eventually asked me to be his girlfriend again in a long distance relationship and then asked me to move to be with him later on. He has thrown this in my face when we he got mad at me at couple times and I'm sure this is what he means now.
If anyone could talk or give me any advice I would really appreciate it. I'm on the other side of the world from my friends and family and he is the only person here I had that I could trust or talk to. My heart is broken.