No, he is not gay. And I think his fixation on marriage is what cause him to trip. Sex doesn't work for you, you have to WORK for sex. He is looking at this the wrong way. What you guys did was special. VERY SPECIAL. It wasn't meant to feel special, but the fact that your each others first time is the special part.
What he should have done and can still do is READ UP on sex and how to maximize it. You guys have each other to practice love making with and have years until marriage to perfect the act. What you guys should do is practice and learn about sex and then when marriage time comes, you will be masters of each others bodies.
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We broke up for a couple of weeks, but got back together after talking it over. After that there was a marked difference in the extremity and frequency of our making out/sexual precursors. This is weird for me because he has always been very male and very...horny, for lack of a better word. He wanted to focus more on friendship and usually only wanted to cuddle me rather than make out with me.
I believe there was nothing wrong with that. I believe he was feeling guilty of always being sexual with you to the point that he felt like he missed an opportunity to also build up on the other aspect of your relationship: friendship. The stronger your friendship, the stronger your sexual relationship will be. He was instinctively seeking out to build that part with you even if he didn't know it. You guys should alternate between intensely romantic bonding and nurturing bonding every few weeks or months or whatever you guys find suits you best. Both are important and do not be afraid.
You will both eventually be able to get extreme pleasure from each other through love making. You have to work and learn to get to that point. He has to learn to completely surrender himself to you during sex. Then you will look back at your first time and laugh.
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He said sometimes it just didn't feel as good, and he would have gotten a better reaction masturbating. He wonders if he had waited until his wedding night it would have been more special and more "mind-blowing" because it's the wedding night and he always had fantasies about what losing your virginity on your wedding night will be like. Now he knows what to expect and it isn't as special.
I think this is the source of the problem, this is my theory, but I believe masturbation messes with the male brain and causes it to believe a vagina feels different. So when a guy does finally enter a real vagina, he is distressed and his brain doesn't recognize it. This can be overcome too with time and love making with your partner.
It is my theory that if the girl is present during any sexual act a guy does, he will be completely comfortable with her during mating.
So if anything, he just needs to get USED to having sex. He needs to overcome the fear and anxiety of this new act in your relationship and realize that what he was told is fantasy. Sex doesn't know that you got married, what it does recognize is if you put your feelings into your partner and put in the effort to love them, instead of expecting some magic external force called marriage to do it for you.
Just practice, put effort into the emotions you give each other during love making, and that is it. Also, it is normal for a male with a single sexual partner to be sexually immune to said partner after sex for sometime. ESPECIALLY in a guy who isn't promiscuous. Only guys who have lots of sex or are promiscous will still be horny right after love making.
You both will eventually reach that point later in life if you are having sex daily, and he will end up wanting more after sex.
So do not be alarmed, and he shouldn't be either! This is normal for a good, faithful couple who were saving their first time for each other. If anything, enjoy the non-sexual moments you get after having sex, use that time to get closer without having to worry about sexual attraction. It is normal.
So yeah, I wish I could tell your bf that it was because of his faithfulness to you and because its each others first time is the reason why he felt nothing after sex. Thats actually a good thing. All his lust and physical desire left after the act. Allowing him the opportunity to see you in a new light, in a non-sexual light. Instead, he became afraid and didn't know what to think.
When his lust returns, you guys should do a lot of foreplay and not have sex until he can no longer resist you. If he has sex when lust gets to that point, it will feel much differently.
So until his lust returns, just cuddle and hug and enjoy that non-sexual time. His body will eventually wake up and begin to lust for you again.
Also, an act I recommend to couples who are each others only partners in life is breast kissing. 15 to 30 minutes a day. It's an act that has visible effects on the male, wether he is lustful or not. If he isn't lustful, its a good way to build up the non-sexual aspect of the relationship, and if he is, it serves as a good form of foreplay.
So again, what is happening is actually good and normal reaction of the body, he just needs to wipe his mind of falsehoods like waiting till marriage. Please take advantage of this to discover the many things that lie hidden within the relationship.
It isn't marriage, but the person's effort and feelings that matter. Once he sees this, things should get a lot better.