Really Rough Break-up. Just feel used and taken advantage of.

[blahblat]

So when my girlfriend and I stated dating, she at first was hesitant because she said she didn't want to hurt me like she did her previous boyfriends. She said she was a little messed up, but at the time i didn't think much of it. The first couple months of the relationship were great and we thought we were perfect for each other. Then a few weeks ago, my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for me. She wouldn't outright say she loved me, because she said she was scared to because she had been hurt in the past (just got out of a serious relationship a year ago). But that was the peak in our relationship- when we first told each other how much we cared for the other. She would say things like she was lucky to call me hers and she wouldn't know what she'd do without me. At that point, we'd been dating for a few months and everything was going really well. We met in college and now had to do a long distance thing in the summer since we live a couple hours apart.

About a week later, something changed. We hadn't seen each other in a few weeks, and she suddenly wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't text me or call me and basically ignored me. When I finally did talk to her, she said she was going through her own personal issues. She said she was in "shutdown mode" and didn't want to talk to anybody. She didn't know what she wanted anymore and said she didn't deserve me. She'd been abused in her childhood and was now doing some self-harming, but I said I was there for her no matter what and tried to do my best to make her realize she was important. After about a week, I went to see her and could obviously see she was not herself. The whole weekend we spent together all she did was sleep. She wouldn't initiate any hugs or anything intimate and basically ignored me. The last night I was there, I began getting intimate with her but saw the expression on her face and asked what was wrong. Her response was she just wanted to be fair. After awhile, I finally got her to talk to me and she said she was going through a funk and didn't have any feelings for me or anyone else. We decided to break up for the time being, and then see in a month when we got back to school if things change. She also said that if we had been able to see each other more often over the summer, she knew we'd still be together. I then found out that after we broke up, she immediately began dating a guy she works daily with. I remember she said people at her work thought they should be dating, but she kept telling me they were just good friends and I had nothing to worry about. I wouldn't be surprised if she cheated on me during that time she was ignoring me, and that hurts the worst. It didn't seem like she was that kind of person. The messed up thing is a few days after we broke up (when she was dating the new guy), she put facebook pictures up in shirts I'd bought her- it kind of felt like she was throwing it in my face.

I'm 20 and this was my first actual relationship because I guess I'm kind of picky on who I pursue. Even though it has been my only one, she was kind of perfect for me and I fell for her. I'm still having trouble believing everything that happened. I just feel so used and taken advantage of. I would do everything I could to make her feel important, and she didn't even respect me enough to tell me the truth. I just felt like I was her emotional blanket and she just tossed me aside when she found something better. Any advice on my situation or wise words would be appreciated.

[4 ratties]

She wasnt perfect for you. She only lasted 3 months til she started avoiding you, talking to another guy, and pushing you away. It's not hard to be fake for 3 months and then the true person comes out. She warned you that she has issues and isn't good with relationships and she proved to be right. Find someone more mentally stable

[michelle23]

You just had a lucky escape. This girl has issues. You cant fix her and there is no point trying. You will get over. Focus on healing now and move on.

You were in the honeymoon period. That's not love. You don't even really know each other after a few short months. The next girl will be better

Best of luck

[azul]

Hey blahblat,
I don't really have any wise words to say to you, other that I deeply identify with your pain. three months ago my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months, and I'm still in terrible pain. It hurts the most when you love someone so much that you would do anything for him, and on his side he is perfectly capable of walking out of your life one day and forgetting all about you. and it hurts the most to know he has moved on with his life.. that's why I broke any contact I had with him, for instance I don't have him on my facebook- and I think you too might find that cutting her of your life and not knowing anything about her (I hope so much it is possible in your case) makes it hurts a bit less. You simply can't heal when you keep bumping into her and memories keep showing up constantly. Anyway, I myself found this forum in search of people that may understand what I'm going through, cause though I have amazing friends that are willing to listen- it's not the same like talking to someone who shares your own pain. and it's a bit strange but I did find it a bit comforting to know that other people are going through the same
may all our broken hearts be mended soon..
and one last thing- you sound like a really good guy, don't let her break you down. for what it's worth, it totaly sounded like she doesn't deserve you.

[blahblat]

Thanks. I really appreciate it, and I hope everything works out with your situation. You sound like a really awesome person too. For me, the problem is in a month we'll be working together again at school and I'll see her around our small campus. I bet that's going to be really hard for me, and hopefully it will get better over time. But I guess this just told me she wasn't the one, and it's better that I found out now than later. Thanks again

[azul]

You're welcome. Your situation doesn't sound easy at all, but I admire your attitude- it's really brave and mature. and I guess she really wasn't the one, after all.. sometimes we only understand why things happen after a long time.
and you know something- if I can help somehow, and you need someone to listen, you're welcome to send me a message.
good luck!!