I can't understand her hot and coldness?

[fmfan08]

Requiring a girls view on this:

Me and this girl have been flirting using text/phone to get to know each other (haven't met).

But I pushed to wanting to get to know her in person, rather than text and she said "I never know what I want x". I acted a bit off here, was wondering if I was wasting my time, etc.

She said that it wasn't the case of not wanting to know me, but that "for the first time in about a year she's felt in a place where she could move on if she wanted to because her ex has finally left her alone", but that she "doesn't know what she wants".

Then I apologised after a couple of days for acting like an idiot.

Anyway, our text conversation went like this:

Me - Saw #grumpybutgorgeous trend on twitter, thought of you
Girl - Haha! You're the grumpy one
Me - I am, but with a little bit of gorgeous thrown in too, haha!
Girl - Watch your head on the way out
Me - Build me a bigger door then, you'll need these (pictures of small tools)
Girl - Who says you deserve one? I might just let you bang your head
Me - If it gets me a free head massage, I'm not complaining
Girl - It doesn't
Me - That's alright, it needs work anyway
Girl - Sorry I'm in a grump and I'm still a bit annoyed at you for your female fit the other day
Me - Hadn't noticed, but I was wrong to do that. Gonna get an early one, night grumpy face
Girl - My grumpy face is all yours, I hope you're enjoying it <3 sweet dreams

Then, 3 days later we had this:

Me - Going to rob a bank, wanna drive or shoot?
Girl - Safer that I drive; considering I have the driving license and you don't
Me - Nah, you'd drive too safe! I get the wheel.. you can hold the gear stick
Girl - Haha.. Clearly never been in the car with me
Me - If that's an invitiation, tell me the fastest you've been
Girl - 120 in my mini..
Me - That it?
Girl - Faster than you x
Me - Could run faster x
Girl - You do that then, night
Me - Okay night

They were quick responses, but why the coldness? I was going to end the conversation after she said "faster than you", but why is she acting off with me? One day she doesn't, sometimes she does?

I was thinking about not contacting and let her initiate next time, to test if she's interested. I don't want to give attention to someone who acts cold/gives bad behaviour.

[basilandthyme]

Ok, perhaps the first conversation you repeated needs more context. You're calling her grumpy and she's referring to your 'female fit'. It seems like a very odd conversations.

As for the second conversation, you were being a dickhead and unsurprisingly, she cut you off. What's with the competitiveness and the "I can drive better than you" attitude? That's not how a guy talks to a girl he's interested in. You want to show her that you make a good team....not show her that you are up yourself.

Not surprised she's running hot and cold with you.

[fmfan08]

Ok, perhaps the first conversation you repeated needs more context. You're calling her grumpy and she's referring to your 'female fit'. It seems like a very odd conversations.

As for the second conversation, you were being a dickhead and unsurprisingly, she cut you off. What's with the competitiveness and the "I can drive better than you" attitude? That's not how a guy talks to a girl he's interested in. You want to show her that you make a good team....not show her that you are up yourself.

Not surprised she's running hot and cold with you.

Basically, I wanted to get to know her in person rather than text/voice and she said "I never know what I want x". I assumed this was a hint, so I acted cold myself. I acted a bit rash saying to her that this might not be what she wants being strangers and I don't want to waste my time wondering, then she mentioned about the ex thing.

Yeah, I guess that was bad of me. I take it that I shouldn't apologise for that and put that behind me when I text her again? Should I text her in the next day or two and get to know her more with personal questions?

I don't want her to think I'm a dickhead, especially after our little tiff previously.

[michelle23]

I think she could be blowing you off but whats with the heart and kisses then? Weird..

Have you asked her out properly on a date? If yes,and she said "i never know what i want" forget her coz that just means "i dont want you"

[smackie9]

She is just using you to past he time when she is bored....really she has no interest in getting with you. She throws in those xx crap just to keep you sucked in. If the girl isn't doin ya by now it's not going to happen. Ditch the bitch.

[fmfan08]

I think she could be blowing you off but whats with the heart and kisses then? Weird..

Have you asked her out properly on a date? If yes,and she said "i never know what i want" forget her coz that just means "i dont want you"

Well I told her that I want to get to know her in person rather than text, etc, then asked what she wanted. She said "I never know what I want x" which is when I said "Alright then x" and I acted off with her. So I said that this doesn't seem to be what she wants seeing as we're strangers, not met, etc. That's when she said "It's not that" and that finally after a year she's felt in a place where she could move on form her ex because he's finally left her alone.

What if she doesn't know what she wants though? I'd understand that it wasn't me she wants if I was around her a lot, but I think it's the case of meeting up with a stranger.

I'll see this as strike one, one more strike and I'll forget her. I do have other options too.

[michelle23]

Does she live near by? How did you start talking to her? How long have you been talking?

[fmfan08]

Does she live near by? How did you start talking to her? How long have you been talking?

She lives under an hour away on the train, but I'm at a stage of moving out and finding my own place, etc so I could go anywhere where the job takes me. She sent me a facebook message a while ago, then didn't talk for quite a bit then I resumed talking to her. We've been talking for a few months, but I remember her saying she was a little bit iffy in meeting unless she got to know me more.

It's weird as she suggested facetime at one point, so I chased her up on that a couple of weeks later and she said she only does facetime with her girls.

It's like if I push, she pushes away. If I pull away, she comes to me.

I feel used and just feel like having a go at her for being "lead on" which I assume is what's happening. But I'm thinking to keep her on the backburner as I explore other options.

She might just be really unsure seeing as we're strangers, but I'm not putting life on hold for her.

[michelle23]

Just stop talking to her. If it gets to the stage where you feel like she is playing games or think you have to then its not worth it. If you want to explore other options-then just cut her off. Its pointless keeping her around until you find someone better-only weak cowards who have a fear of being alone and usually insecure do that. Man up and in future if your not getting what you want from someone-just forget about them.

2months and you have not met? That is a bit ridiculous. Your wasting time. Just forget it and move on

[fmfan08]

Just stop talking to her. If it gets to the stage where you feel like she is playing games or think you have to then its not worth it. If you want to explore other options-then just cut her off. Its pointless keeping her around until you find someone better-only weak cowards who have a fear of being alone and usually insecure do that. Man up and in future if your not getting what you want from someone-just forget about them.

2months and you have not met? That is a bit ridiculous. Your wasting time. Just forget it and move on

Yeah, I get what you mean. Anyway, I'll play the question game with her and suggest that we should get a drink, etc. If any excuses, i'll next her and no contact.

I'm even tempted to tell her straight and my annoyance, but I know that's not a good idea. If she's truly "not sure on what she wants", be backing off with no contact will make her wonder where I've gone. If she was never bothered, she'll never contact me. Even then, it's best to act dis-interested.

[michelle23]

Yes ask her out and be specific. Example; "I'd love to take you for dinner this Friday at XX restaurant. Can I pick you up at 7". and if you get any other answer other then "yes, Id love to" or "I have plans Friday but what about Saturday"? Then don't text her back and block her or say "okay then, nice knowing ya, good luck"..

And then move on. Even if she comes back trying to talk to you again-ignore her.

If you react badly and call her a game player etc that just shows you care and your upset. Act like its her loss, you have plenty of options so goodbye and mean it.

[smackie9]

You can ignore her all you want she is still going to contact you anyways....but her contacting you still won't prove a thing. You have to grow some balls and tell her straight that you are tired of messin around with this and if she can't make up her mind, then you are done....simple as that. Being a p ussy about it gives her all the control....worried about scarng her away? If that is the case she had no intention of being with you anyways.....time to stop playing games and just get to it. Man up.