need some advice < confused

[rayman415]

Hi everyone,

All I'm looking for is some advice. I have talked to multiple people. And pretty much all that was said was be patient or move on. All the common things people usually say.

About myself. I have had 2 serious relationships. 1 lasting for almost 2.5 years and the other one I'm going to talk about now.

But Ok to keep a long story short I will give a little background of how I know this girl and what my situation is with her.

For the duration of the story ill refer to my ex as A.

So me and A have known each other all our lives. My family knows A's family, and we would go to each others family functions. She is not related to me in any way. More of a family friend. I liked her and she liked me as we grew up but never actually did much. Just stared at each other from across the room and said only a bit when speaking to each other. Almost like That little crush you had on the girl sitting in front of you in class type of scenario. As we got older me being in my first year of college and A about to graduate high school, I said to myself why not actually try for her now. So I started talking to her, actually trying to get to know her and everything. Oh and a side note before I did start talking to her she was in a relationship about 3 or 4 months back and they went out almost a year. Anyways it kicked off pretty fast. About a month later we got into a relationship. Our chemistry was off the charts. Did pretty much everything together. So about 4 months into the relationship A talks to me and hits me with some news. She says that she doesn't love me the way I love her. Idk but I started balling in front of her. I know shouldn't of done that but I was in love with the girl. Actually still am. Anyways she said she would stay and see if we can fix it and I accepted that about another month or so it seemed like it got better. She would be cold and hot with me. So I just decided to end the relationship because I couldn't handle her not showing that affection that was there in the beginning of the relationship. Basically a mutual break up. We both decided to stay friends. I am still mot sure of the reasons why A just fell out of love for me, thought about it a million times, but ive let that go so lets move on.

So now about 3 years have passed, I'm not going to go into full details about anything in those years for the sake of time to read this. But basically we hung out several times. She pissed me off a couple times. So I just never talked to her at months at a time until she would hit me with can you forgive me. I wouldn't answer her until we unexpectedly saw each other and I forgave her. So we became cool but I never really payed her no attention still. Just say hi and bye never really had full convos. Now after the 3 years. I'm 22 and she just turned 21 not to long ago. We've actually hung out a couple time since her bday and this is where I'm really confused and idk what to do. When we hung out she would be kinda flirty. I would flirt back but most of the time it was just chit chat and the night ended well. So me trying to see where she is taking this, asked her to go out for sushi one night and we talked at length about anything and everything. A then invited me to her dads bday party at a bar. I went, had some drinks with her, and we danced. A actually got pretty flirty, and started to dance pretty close, she grabbed my ass a couple times and ended up grinding on each other. At the end of the night or when we pretty much got done dancing she gave me a hug, and kissed me on my neck. I didn't pay much attention to it and just hugged her back and said I had a good time. The night ended really good. So during the couple days after we text and had great convos. But now all of sudden she only hits me with short answers. When I see her in person she is nice and talks like there is no tomorrow but then also doesnt seem interested, only as a friend to be around. She hasn't had another boyfriend since me, but I do know she has talked to some guys since then too but they were only for short periods of time and nothing serious.

At this point these mixed signals she's giving me is confusing the shit out of me. And I don't want to be the one to ask her "so where do we stand" type thing because I wasn't the one who actually ended the relationship even though it was mutual. It should be on her to initiate that but then again I'm not sure if I should initiate that because knowing A she usually doesn't take initiative in that sort of thing. Meaning the man should be the one to go chase her instead of vice versa.

I want to ask her straight out about the situation and how she feels about me but I feel if I do that it's just going to scare her away. And I don't want that. I want another chance with her, idk if its my pride or what not, but I just feel if she wanted to be with me she would do that.

Any advice would help. Especially with the mixed signals.

Thanks!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Forget about her.

[Maple1714]

Just be upfront with her and ask her how she feels about you? Don't beat around the bush...if you have known her your entire life it should be easy to approach her about this. Call her on the phone or ask her to meet you somewhere. In person is best, don't text. Stop playing games yourself though, b/c that has probably confused her too. She is probably just as confused as you are...so take the initiative, be a man and ask her what's up?

[Maple1714]

Forget about her.

Don't forget about her yet. You're young and you will think about this for many years to come if you never talk about everything openly at least once.

[rayman415]

Yeah, i just cant forget about her, i've known her my whole life. and thanks for the advice maple, but if she really wanted to start things back up, shouldn't she be the one to initiate that? she was the one who didnt want to be with me. oh, and from my story does it sound like i am playing games, because i dont mean too.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She wanted you to **** her when she was drunk. You didn't, and she doesn't sound like she is interested in another relationship with you. Sounds like she's known you forever so she doesn't want to hurt you or make things awkward when she's forced to see you.

Next time a girl kisses you on the neck, **** her.

Don't contact this girl again, and if she does contact you, tell her not to call you unless she wants to get back together. Start nailing other girls.

[rayman415]

trust me ive talked and dated and screwed other girls. thats not a problem. but its just her for some reason that i don't get. i cant get over her for some reason. Oh and i would of **** her but it was just the time of the month. and also she wont go around doing it if she kisses someone on the neck. shes not the type of girl to do that, if shes going to sleep with someone, they have to be her boyfriend....

[horndog]

Honestly, you just need to grow a pair of balls and let the woman know what your interests are and be prepared to deal with whatever happens. Quit pussyfooting around trying to figure out what she is thinking. Every day you sit around with your thump up your ass trying to figure out what's going through her head because you're too chicken shit to ask is just one more day you are giving other guys the opportunity to come and snatch her away from you. Tell her how you feel in a confident manner and see where it goes. She will either tell you to het lost (so you can move on) or date you.

[Maple1714]

You have 2 choices -

1. Talk to her and probably be rejected again maybe not?, but at least you've spoken your mind and gotten everything off of your chest. Just tell her everything you've told us here. Ask her if she wanted you to F**k her that night when she kissed you on the neck...regardless of the monthly cycle issue...just ask her what she wants from you. I think you will at least get all these feelings you have out in the open and will stop thinking about her so much. Then just move on.

2. Forget about her and move on like Backup suggests. Chalk it all up to her not really caring about you and her using you. So F her.

[rayman415]

lol thanks for the honesty horndog, much appreciated. and i could really careless if another guy snatches her from me, just gives me one more reason to move on, don't get me wrong i know i should have already done that, but i fell for this girl and i just want to know if theres still a chance, if at all any.

[horndog]

lol thanks for the honesty horndog, much appreciated. and i could really careless if another guy snatches her from me, just gives me one more reason to move on, don't get me wrong i know i should have already done that, but i fell for this girl and i just want to know if theres still a chance, if at all any.

There is always a chance until you find out there isn't.

[rayman415]

There is always a chance until you find out there isn't.

yeah, your right. i think i've just been afraid of what she might say, getting rejected. But if she does oh well then i guess.

[Ginger2013]

At least if she flat out rejects you, you can stop with the "what if's" that seem to be occupying your thoughts so much. And just one thing, forget about pride and who "should" chase who. Fear of rejection can make us play games, even if we aren't aware of it, but that just makes the wondering worse.

[rayman415]

At least if she flat out rejects you, you can stop with the "what if's" that seem to be occupying your thoughts so much. And just one thing, forget about pride and who "should" chase who. Fear of rejection can make us play games, even if we aren't aware of it, but that just makes the wondering worse.

That's the thing too. Seems like she's playing games too. Maybe she fears that ill reject her, that I wont give her another chance at us again? She doesn't want to seem like she's to interested just in case I don't offer the chance to her?

[Valixy]

That's the thing too. Seems like she's playing games too. Maybe she fears that ill reject her, that I wont give her another chance at us again? She doesn't want to seem like she's to interested just in case I don't offer the chance to her?

Could be. As the others have said there's only one way to find out.