Hello everyone!
About 3 months ago, I started dating this girl and we seem to get along great. We both feel like we are best friends at the same time as lovers because we have so much in common and share everything with each other. There is a bit of history to our relationship though that worries me.
First, this is actually not the first time we tried to be together. About a year and a half ago, we had dated for a little bit immediately after she broke up with this other guy. Long story short, her ex had beaten her and she was trying to get away from him. I tried to help her the best I could, but she eventually ended up leaving me for her ex because he kept threatening to kill himself. I was very depressed when this happened, but there was nothing I could do.
I stayed away from her for a while to heal, and dated other people in the meantime. But recently, me and her ran into each other again and hit it off immediately. We had always had a strong chemistry because of how much we have in common and just because of our personalities, so I wasn't surprised. She told me she had recently broken up with that guy because he had been cheating on her and she said enough was enough. Moreover, he had been acting quite psychotic lately, which scared her away. I was skeptical about getting back together with her because I did not want a repeat of what happened a year ago, but I ended up falling for her again due to all the reasons I fell for her in the first place.
Thing have been going great. We've been able to talk to each other about anything and everything, including our problems. Whenever she is upset about something, we talk about it and I try to help her out the best I can because I really care about her a lot. The thing is, recently her ex has been trying to get back together with her, and he's been acting crazy because she refuses. He told her he was going to call the cops and tell them she raped him if they didn't get back together. He went to her house at 3a.m. despite her begging him not to and claiming she'd call the cops if he did. I'm pretty sure his psychotic behavior isn't going to end soon, and I'm worried.
Whenever he does these things to her, she gets really depressed, and so do I. She had mostly been depressed because she was worried for her safety.. as she should be. But recently she's just been getting depressed because of how her past relationship ended. I ask her what's wrong, and she will tell me she's upset because she was thinking about her previous relationship. Then she would say things that made me believe she was blaming herself for what happened. I want to be able to help her when she tells me she's depressed about it, but honestly it depresses me whenever she talks like this, especially since she left me for him the last time we were together.
She has obviously not completely gotten over him yet, and the fact that he continues to force himself back into her life doesn't make it easy for her. I just get depressed because she always talks about how happy I make her and that she needs me in her life, but then she gets depressed about her previously relationship. I feel like if I really made her happy, at this point in the relationship at least, she wouldn't get sad about her past still. She even gets so stressed out about it that she will smoke a cigarette.. which she hates doing.
I want to be there for her to help her when she talks to me about these problems, but I am finding it increasingly difficult because I feel hurt when she brings it up honestly. I'm normally there for her all the time and help her with any problems she is having, so I feel bad for not being able to be strong when she comes to me for this. I haven't really told her I feel this way because I feel like I would be an asshole if I made the issue about me, when she's the one who came to me with her problems. I'm not really sure why I posted this other than to vent, but I would like to hear some feedback from others too.
Thanks