Always attracting and being attracted to same type?

[CloudyDreamer]

I've always been attracted to the same type of girl.

- Independent
- Practical
- Self-sufficient
- Analytical, Precise
- Healthy

Maybe because I'm the dreamer type and pretty impractical. I live my life based on intuition and gut feeling. I'm very sensitive and I have a strong awareness for how others are feeling around me. I can walk into a room and within the first 10 seconds, understand how everyone is feeling. I'm not financially practical. I don't look for good deals or have the patience to. As a result, I probably spend more money than I should. I value high quality things and I'll pay good money for things I want. I'm also self-indulgent and have been known to enjoy alcohol a bit too much. I'm pretty self-indulgent person. I'm not without discipline though. I have a good job and a career I value. I work very hard at it. But after I put in my hard work and earn my money, I like to indulge.

I've been hurt in the past by these type of girls. Although these types can be wonderful people, they can also walk away from someone easily if they feel things aren't working out. They technically don't "need" anybody and so if they don't feel they have a future with you, they will leave and won't feel guilty about it. This has toughened me up over the years to the point where I've become quite independent and self-sufficient myself. I don't warm to people as quickly anymore. I also don't like asking for favors and would rather depend on myself. I think these lessons, although painful, is just the awful tasting medicine I needed. I feel I've grown to become wiser, mature and independent as a result.

Yet, when it comes to girls, I still find myself being attracted to the same type. And it's not must one way. It'd be pointless if I was attracted to a certain type but they never reciprocated. Every girl with these traits that I've been involved with has more or less reciprocated in their feelings. I think while they offer me boundaries, discipline, and practical advice in my life, I offer them a certain level of escape, comfort, and romanticism. I'm great at thinking up creative date ideas and I know how to plan things. Because I'm very sensitive, I plan things to detail and I'm always aware of how they are feeling. At some point however, either they get tired of my neediness and clingyness or they feel I am too nice and come to value me less or I feel they become way too bossy and blunt and I become angry with them. The thing is tho and an ex even told me this. I ask for it. I invite them to my life and I want their problem-solving abilities and practicality but then they become a little too bossy and blunt for my liking and because I am sensitive, they say or do something that hurts me.

Am I punishing myself being attracted to the same type of women over and over again? When I'm with women who are more emotional and needy and always need my help, I just don't feel the same level of attraction. At most, I am physically attracted to them but there is no mental connection.

[Kromat83]

Maybe try to give someone that is a little opposite of what you
normally date, and get to know that person better.

You keep getting the same results, because your comfortable
with these type of people, because this is all you've known.

You might even surprise yourself, because you didn't know you'd
be attracted to such a person, so do yourself a favour, and experiment.

Maybe instead of focusing about how a girl looks, focus on how they
make you feel, and if you feel like they have good intentions in mind,
or just always taking, but never giving anything back.

Hope that helps, but i don't want to say to much,
as most of it is up to you to decide.

[basilandthyme]

I believe that good relationships work like a jigsaw puzzle; each adds qualities that the other lacks. As a team, you can be formidable if you work together.

How about working on the clingy/needy aspects of your personality so that you become secure yet still sensitive and inventive? It would compliment the type of women you are attracted to beautifully.

[TablesandChairs]

Opposites attract but they can't always last. You're attracted to them because they compensate where you lack and vice versa. Call it 'complimentary'. I'm independent and practical and have always attracted the opposite - if we're talking star signs, it's uncanny that I've always been with Piscean's (dreamers) whilst I'm a Capricorn (practical).

However, these unions can get 'old' and practical people, whilst they can and do enjoy the moment, always have an eye on the future. If they deem you to be too flaky, too clingy and too 'head in the clouds', they will have no problem moving on. Practical people need people they can count on and stability - if you can't offer that, they'll run once they observe it.

Depending on your age, these women might be looking towards the future and thinking - a) this guy isn't good husband/father material and b) this guy will be a financial drain because he blows all his cash and/or c) living in the clouds is nice for a while but I need someone who can live in reality and offer something 'real'.

Not sure if this rings a bell or not...I always get along better with the 'dreamy' types because I have that sort of streak too but for me, it's more like a 'side dish' instead of a main meal. So I suppose try finding a balance...I think people who differ can really compliment each other but if they're too extreme one way or the other, it gets frustrating.

[j-white]

I went out with a girl like that and she was really incredible. She dropped me like a stone so easily after one small moment of insecurity!
I was absolutely devastated and neglected to shave or cut my hair for a couple of months haha! I'm far too sensitive for girls like that sadly.

[basilandthyme]

Opposites attract but they can't always last. [snip] However, these unions can get 'old' and practical people, whilst they can and do enjoy the moment, always have an eye on the future. If they deem you to be too flaky, too clingy and too 'head in the clouds', they will have no problem moving on. Practical people need people they can count on and stability - if you can't offer that, they'll run once they observe it.

Depending on your age, these women might be looking towards the future and thinking - a) this guy isn't good husband/father material and b) this guy will be a financial drain because he blows all his cash and/or c) living in the clouds is nice for a while but I need someone who can live in reality and offer something 'real'.

You make some interesting observations.

My hubby and I are opposites in many ways and there are many advantages to this. He's taught me to have a more positive outlook and I've lent an artistic side to things. He will party harder than I do, but I make sure we get home in one piece. He notices mess and I notice dirt. We share none of the same hobbies except for enjoying a large variety of foods.

However, the areas where we are the same are important: Similar outlook with money, same goals, same parenting style, same morals and ethics. It's these important things which is where it all needs to mesh

[TablesandChairs]

I've always preferred the opposite of me (to a degree). I think it's more interesting and it challenges you to try different things, have a different outlook and explore areas that you might never have had the opportunity to if you were with someone too much like yourself.

That said, there are fundamental areas where you need to be on the same page. I dated a guy that I had a lot of fun with - he introduced me to poetry (something I really didn't 'get' before), art, various venues...but all he had was his hobbies and it made him happy so that's fine, but I couldn't imagine a life with him. If he had $100, he'd spend $200. His credit cards were maxed out but he was clear that the 'universe' would sort things out for him. He was positive that's for sure...but too much on the delusional side.

[Wakeup]

Am I punishing myself being attracted to the same type of women over and over again?

Only if you know why they leave you but you do nothing to change that part of yourself..