Lack of Experience Need Advice

[searock]

I agree with namemyname: be honest with him, tell him you have feelings for him (DON'T tell him you're in love with him, just tell him you have feelings for him) and you'd love to go on a date with him to see if you two might work out. During the date, tell him that you are looking for a relationship.

[DinsdalePiranha]

Thank you Piranha. Despite my completely moronic and immature behavior I think that this guy still really likes me. One of his friends hit on me and he seemed to get really upset, even after I had previously "rejected" him (not purposely though, just wasn't sure how to proceed and I'm a ball of nerves around guys, especially this one). I don't think he'd still do things with me if he didn't, and I've been around him enough to see other girls chasing him, including my roommate (ugh!) and he still gravitates to me. I almost have the courage to just "go for it", these responses from you guys have helped, I truly appreciate it. My parents mean well, it was tough growing up especially when they were so strict, my Dad is originally from a village in another country and apparently they were really strict with girls there, nothing like here. Thank you again for the kind words!

Np. Little more advice: stop being so down on yourself. I highly recommend you get some help. Any halfway respectable college will have several options for counseling, both professional and peer-based. Check it out. Not just for your own piece of mind, but also because unscrupulous, manipulative a$$holes will zero in on low self esteem. They know the girl who feels terrible about herself can be easy prey for anyone who shows her attention.

Also, something else to remember: you're at college. Men are like buses; another one comes by every ten minutes. Even if you royally screw up and blow your chances with one, another punter will be right behind him. These guys are also just college kids like you. They exaggerate their experiences like you wouldn't believe. I'd bet real money on them not knowing what the hell they're doing much better than you, if at all.

It's always easy to fall head over heels for the first person to come along and be nice to you, especially when you feel like sh!t about yourself. Trust me on that. But you have to let yourself learn and grow. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. It happens. Stay positive, and don't leave your drink unattended. Good luck.

[TrustingGirl]

Here's the flaw in your logic, hon.

You think that sleeping with him is going to somehow convey your romantic interest, and desire to date him.

WRONG.

The only thing that it will tell him is that you wanted to have sex with him, and were willing to do it with no strings attached.

You NEED to learn how to communicate with people. You're not a child, so stop acting like one. This guy isn't a mind reader (if he was, wouldn't he have figured out already you like like him?).

I mean, what's the plan - you go through life using shyness as an excuse for not being able to discuss your feelings and intentions with men? FAIL.

Your option, your ONLY option, is to be honest with him. If you don't feel you can do it in person, then send him an email, write him a love letter - SOMETHING that at least tells him why you act like you do, and how you feel about him. Stop hiding.

Thanks again name. Just to clarify I don't intend to just "throw" myself at this guy per se. Before anything happens (if anything happens) I intend to get the courage to talk to him about what I'm looking for, as in a long term relationship (actually I want him to marry me some day, but that would probably not be the right thing to tell him at this point?). I do know him very well, we've been out together several times plus we've spent a ton of time talking at work over the last year and a half. I'm working on the shyness thing, I think some of it stems from my upbringing.

[TrustingGirl]

I agree with namemyname: be honest with him, tell him you have feelings for him (DON'T tell him you're in love with him, just tell him you have feelings for him) and you'd love to go on a date with him to see if you two might work out. During the date, tell him that you are looking for a relationship.

Thank you searock. We've actually been out on several dates together in the past and unfortunately this is when I froze up and told him we were friends as opposed to my true feelings for him. I'm trying to get up the courage to tell him more.

[TrustingGirl]

Np. Little more advice: stop being so down on yourself. I highly recommend you get some help. Any halfway respectable college will have several options for counseling, both professional and peer-based. Check it out. Not just for your own piece of mind, but also because unscrupulous, manipulative a$$holes will zero in on low self esteem. They know the girl who feels terrible about herself can be easy prey for anyone who shows her attention.

Also, something else to remember: you're at college. Men are like buses; another one comes by every ten minutes. Even if you royally screw up and blow your chances with one, another punter will be right behind him. These guys are also just college kids like you. They exaggerate their experiences like you wouldn't believe. I'd bet real money on them not knowing what the hell they're doing much better than you, if at all.

It's always easy to fall head over heels for the first person to come along and be nice to you, especially when you feel like sh!t about yourself. Trust me on that. But you have to let yourself learn and grow. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. It happens. Stay positive, and don't leave your drink unattended. Good luck.

Piranha I truly appreciate your comments and your wisdom. I don't necessarily feel terrible about myself as much as I'm just really, really shy and embarrassed around guys. This isn't necessarily the first guy who has asked me out or shown me attention, I have turned down dates from others having to do with both my shyness but I also don't want to go out with guys unless I really like them. I just don't feel that comfortable and to be honest I don't think I want to have a physical relationship with someone that I'm not in love with. I'm not waiting for marriage but I don't think I could do something physical with someone I am not really comfortable with and to be honest in love with (which probably makes me kind of a prude or loser by today's standards but that's how I feel).

I know there are other guys out there, I just don't really like any of them in this way and I've never felt this way about anyone before. This is the only guy that I have ever really cared about and had feelings for. If I didn't know him as well as I think I do from our friendship and dating in the past then I'd probably not even be considering taking things to the next level. I kind of feel as though he must have feelings for me as he seems to still be interested in after all of this time and even after the stupid things that I've done, do you think this is a reasonable assumption? He's a really nice guy and has always treated me very well, even when he seemed upset about me rejecting him he was still nice to me.