I don't know what to do. Am a throwing away something because of paranoai? :(

[Cherrybaby]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. The first few months were amazing and we were apsolutely made for each other. He was fun and quirky but not a player and had been on his own for several years due to a previous bad relationship. I too had been through the same. Through this year and a half this man has taken me on several weekends away around the world, showered me with love, affection, and treated me like a porcelain doll. About 6 months in his dad died and i nursed him through it and i unfortunately got made redundant and was out of working ongoing, altho looking. I had to move out of my house and back home to my mums. He went into a terrible depression over his father as they hadnt got on.. things were ok but we were both getting lower and lower as i had no work and was having to pretend i was ok and he was getting lower with his grief. My past is tainted by a very bad relationship where i was physically and mentally abused. i left after 7 years. So relationships and trust are difficult for me. I trusted him implicitly at first but i started to get paranoid at times, and it would come out of me when i had a drink, i would cry or get upset or get overly suspicious, i knew he was faithful as hes not a highly sexed man and actually is more of an innocent man, thats what i fell in love with. However the last few months have been getting worse and worse and yes i have been a handful with my insecurities at times, i started to slip into a depression and found myself crying on a daily basis and feeling quite alone and altho i think he tried to support me wasnt really. we have had some ferocious rows recently and he has a horrible temper when it comes out, i did something stupid a about 6 weeks ago, i so wanted to know if he was mucking about that i made out i had... and he jabbed me in the ribs in rage, not hard but it was still not acceptable and i wouldnt see him after than. I understood however that id never seen a violent side in him and he is generally a very gentle person, i know i had pushed my luck by saying what i said but it was still not good. he started to try and support me with the depression but it seemed when he could as we live several miles apart. then rows started happening again over the phone. but theres a pattern we row, then both cry floods of tears and end up making up. Recently i was meant to go to a big social event that he hosts but i didnt want to, so i didnt, purely as some of his friends are complete idiots and also because of the space ive been in. He was upset about this and for a few days blanked me afterwards, turned his phone off several evenings etc; it came to friday this week and he said can i come down and we'll sort this man to woman.. i said no as he had spent most of the week not taking my calls, ignoring me, why should i just jump when he hollers. So eventually i thought about it went back saturday and said come down tonight, i.e. yesterday, he said no im going out with friends now and then he started being really cruel in a way ive never heard or seen in him before, his tone was arrogant and he started saying have you had someone at the house, i sense it with you, i said no, we then started bitching and he just went foul and said your nothing but an ugly c*nt and you're **** in bed. i retaliated and called him all sorts of names and was foul back, but got off that phonecall destroyed, hes not a man thats ever been highly sexual, he was alway very loving and warm and kind, i didnt understand who i was talking to.. he called back and said i didnt mean it its tit for tat and we're going to destroy each other. he text in the evening when he got home but was cool and distant, and i just get the feeling maybe theres another woman, altho he isnt really that type of man and alot of his friends have told me that. i ended it this morning as its emotional abuse and damage and now hes chasing me and oh my darling i love you, i dont know what ive done, why, im sorry sorry sorry, but i dont know what ive done. i know the issues with my deppression havent helped and drinking, but i am now dealing with, he is seeing someone about anger, but do you all think this man may be a cheat?

[Wakeup]

After all that your bottomline question is "do we think he's a cheat." O.o

Please get professional help for your depression, codpependency and lack of selfworth. You can't fix what ails you on your own and you can't expect someone else to fix you who isn't proficient in what ails you. Both of you sound depressed and fed up with one anothers whine.

Please do yourself a favor and forget anything to do with cheating. He's not being a dick to you because there is someone else. He's being a dick to you because he lacks communication skills and he's got his own problems to deal with which he isn't doing either never mind trying to guide you through yours.

Don't stay with this guy who you're not happy with for another 7 years. Speak to someone so that you learn the lessons that bad relationships were meant to teach you instead of repeating the same mistakes. Both of you would do well in councelling to help you learn how to communicate.

[Cherrybaby]

Thank you, a very direct but wise answer and i know there is alot of that in there that is so true, its just so hard when you love somebody and are know they love you too.

[anonymous_a]

Paragraph breaks. Use them.

[IndiReloaded]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half.

He just went foul and said your nothing but an ugly c*nt and you're **** in bed. i retaliated and called him all sorts of names and was foul back, but got off that phonecall destroyed, hes not a man thats ever been highly sexual, he was alway very loving and warm and kind, i didnt understand who i was talking to.

You were talking to your EX boyfriend. Neither of you could support each other in the the bad times and you brought out the worst in each other. I'm sorry but things won't get better.

Bottom line, he won't ever respect you if you take him back. It's a no-win trade, so don't go there.

BTW, those things he said? It's not about you. Sounds like he has money but that doesn't mean much. He thinks those things about himself. So he has serious self-esteem issues. I'm hoping you don't also. Don't take him back.

[michelle23]

jesus! you are both way too messed up right now to be in any sort of healthy relationship! you defo need therapy-first of all to figure out WHY you stayed with an abusive man for 7years. second of all to get over your insecurity and trust issues and third-to stop dragging others down with you..

he just needs time to grieve and he needs to be away from you so he can do that in peace