Pretty much throwing in the towel

[sfalexi]

Well, for those who knew the entire situation (others who don't can surely look it up in my other topics in dating and sex and whatnot), I've pretty much decided to throw in the towel. It's just aggravating dating the girl that I'm on the 'break' from and not knowing where I stand, not knowing what's going on, now knowing if she's getting closer or farther to getting together with me, etc. etc.

We went out today, me, her, her brother and his girlfriend. A double date. Besides being three hours later than she said she'd arrive (some of it her brother's fault, most of it hers), it was just annoying. I'm just sick and tired of knowing what we used to be and knowing that every time we go out I won't be able to go back to that place.

And the thing that burns me up THE MOST is not knowing. As you guys can probably tell, I hate not being in control. I hate not knowing 'the facts' and shit like that. And I am just sick and tired that every time it's her day off, we STILL don't get together till 6 PM. I've been trying to plan a horseback riding thing for OVER A YEAR!!!! I wanted to go last summer and as soon as weather got good this year I kept telling her, "Listen, one of these days off, I want to go horseback riding. Let me know when you'll be able to get to my house EARLY." And it still hasn't happened.

And three months on the break in order to figure out how you feel about me? That's a long break. If after a year and five months you still don't know whether you're 'in love' or not, I think at this point it's safe to say that she probably won't feel that way. She keeps telling me it's not my fault, and I know it's not. Cause I was never harsh, or mean, or treated her badly, or disrespected her, or anything.

Well, next time we talk on the phone and she asks if she can get together this weekend, I'm gonna have to say, "No." And then explain to her that I just can't do it.

If this sudden cut-off happens to show her that I'm the one, and if she ends up coming around to that realization before I find someone else, then maybe we can get back to where we used to be and be stronger. However at this point, I'm considering it done and will be looking for someone else. WITHOUT dating her. No more of this 'open relationship' stuff.

Sigh. Gonna be quite a change considering that we've been seeing each other twice a week even while on the 'break' (the 'break' was a break from intimacy, not from dating). So it may take a little while to adjust. A year and a half doesn't go away overnight. But I have to start sometime. And that time is now.

Alexi

[Zekk_T_Strife]

{claps} {applauds} {CHEERS} Dude, that's just really lame. I say good riddance, you don't need that kinda crap hanging over you. I know what it's like to try to do something and just being entirely let down by the other party. I would have to say you'd be better off looking for someone brand new. She's had plenty of time to debate her feelings and decide what she wants, now it's too late for her, this is your time.

[squirrley]

WOW Alexi-Im speechless! Im so happy for you that you were able to come to a decision. I know how hard that was for you-and Im so proud of you that you were able to take the stand for yourself. I could NOT believe my eyes as I read this-just couldnt believe it! I think maybe in the back of your mind youve known for sometime but you did what you thought was right for the both of you. I also applaud you!

Taking back the control for yourself is awesome-and its one thing you will be able to feel great about for yourself. Im truly impressed by your decision. I think you will be much happier in the long run! If things are meant to be it'll work itself out but you making this decision for yourself is truly a big step for you! GO ALEXI!!!

Im PROUD OF YA!!!

And know that were here to help you along the way...

[jane]

RIGHT ON! Time for you to move on love... I know that you are making the right choice here. Good for you! Welcome back to the dating world.

[sfalexi]

I'm gonna talk to her tonight. Ask to meet her on Wednesday or Thursday and give her a chance to tell me exactly what's going on. She's skirted the issue many times talking about how she doesn't like talking about it cause it makes her uncomfortable to talk about and stuff like that. Then I'll explain to her that it's killing me going out with her and not ever kissing goodnight. Knowing that we won't be holding hands, or putting our arms around each other. Knowing that at the end of the night all I'll ever get is, "I'll call you." And then I'll just have to say that I can't do it anymore.

If she comes to some realization that 'yes' she wants to be with me and is ready to love me and fully commit herself to a relationship, to give me a call. But I just can't go on 'dating' and feeling like crap anymore. If she realizes this and I'm still available, then maybe we'll be able to get back together. But I have to start moving on because I just can't wait anymore. It's been a year and a half and she still is up in the air.

All she tells me is that, "Well, with different people it takes different amounts of time to fall in love." So then all I think is, "So what is it? If I was better looking she'd fall in love with me quicker? If I had a career and a job and could better support a relatoinship she'd fall in love quicker? If I had gone out and already 'sown my wild oats' would she then be less hesitant to get into a serious relationship? If I were closer to her age would it be different? What makes me different enough that it takes longer than a year and half?"

For some reason she says it's none of these things. And it sucks. Because I don't know if it is or isn't. I know her family dislikes my age A LOT and I'm sure that they've been pressuring her. And if that's it, how the hell am I supposed to know/deal with that? My friends have pressured me against her because of her age, but I don't let it bother me. maybe she's just easily influenced against me by her family. Maybe it's something else. But whatever it is, I can't figure it out and it sucks. Bigtime.

The worst part is that she's what I'm looking for. She's got the looks. She's got the humor. She's got the loyalty, the morals, the devotion, the fun, the personality, everything. Except the love. Which bites.

Alexi

Sorry for ranting so much. But I'm sure you all understand why I need to so much.

[Breezy18]

Awe, sweetie, I'm sorry and happy for you at the same time. I know this is a very, very hard decision to make and even harder to stick to. I went through something similar with my last boyfriend. I was at the very same place you are now. Sick to death of "not knowing". It was KILLING me, just as I'm sure it is you. I applaud your strength, my friend. It took me a LOT longer to get over it and tell him to hit the road. He wasn't nasty or anything, just couldn't commit to loving me. I don't understand people like that. Good luck sweetie. And rant all ya want. I know it helps.

[jslaughter]

Let me be among those to voice that I am proud of you, impressed by your strength, and cheering you on. . . you have often given sage advice to many of us here so you can count on me for any moral support.

If she doesn't see what a great guy you are - she doesn't have it all. Here's hoping the next one will.

J