I've been involved with a man for over a year. On paper, he is everything I could ever want from a partner. He is a perfect gentleman, has wonderful family values, great work ethic, keeps in constant communication, is very attractive, etc. He makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world and I trust him, something I have never felt with any other partner. We want the same things for our future. All I have to do "is say the word" and he would love to be married and start a family.
This sounds perfect...but I'm realizing more and more that I am not in love with him. At least not in love with him in any way that I have ever felt before.
All of my past relationships have been toxic or abusive. I have been in two previous long term relationships where I have been "in love". I was completely head over heels for these men. Even through all of the bad times, the strong feeling of love never died and kept me putting up with things that I shouldn't have. I was horrified of these men leaving me because how strongly I loved them. It felt like my world had ended and that my heart had been ripped out every time we would be off and on. I felt totally dependent on them. The good times were wonderful, the bad times were awful. It was like an addiction.
I don't know if I really don't have romantic feelings for this new man, or if I don't know what it's like to not be addicted to someone. I love spending time with him, we have a great time together. But I feel more and more like I'm spending time with a great friend. I'm not very affectionate with him. He's started making joking comments that "You didn't kiss me today!". I don't feel the need to constantly seek attention from him like I did with my exes.
*sigh* I just don't know. I don't want to throw away my chance at having a stable relationship if it's just because I have no idea how to love someone in a healthy way. What do you guys think?