How can I (finally) accept it?

[itsjustmeok]

Hi everyone! It's been a little more than a year that my boyfriend and I are together now, and I'm his first real girlfriend. However, I'm not the first girl he fell for, and the thing is... I can't accept it. It's been a long time and I'm still jealous of the first girl he loved, kissed, and held hands with. I know it's crazy, because he told me plenty of times he didn't love her anymore, nor he missed her, and nor he would like to date her again if she'd come back (because yes, she moved). He sometimes like to visit her blog (maximum twice per month) because she posts cool stuff and because she's not living here anymore (so they never talk) and he likes to have some news; which I think is normal, since she's been his first everything (if I can say that). But I'm still jealous nevertheless. And it's killing me.

He's really tired of me talking about her and asking him the same questions over and over again, but I can't help it. I don't know how to get over it, and I'm scared to lose him one day. I also can't help looking at his Internet history, just to see when was the last time he went on her blog and stuff. He found out about it and he's been really disappointed. Which I think is normal, too.

I don't know what to do. I just don't. See, it's really hard for me to keep my mind from drifting to the image of him gazing into her eyes, while telling her how beautiful she is and how much she means to him. It's so difficult for me to stop thinking about how her smile has once been the reason he smiled, and that he loved her almost more than he loves me now. I guess I'm just afraid there was something in her that's lacking in me.

Any advice? Please...

[Ginger2013]

Work on your self-esteem. There is something about you that makes you lack confidence and security, figure it out and fix it. Every guy you will ever meet in your life will have had an ex girlfriend. If you voluntarily obsess about it, it will ruin the relationship. When you are a strong, secure woman, you won't even think twice about these silly insecurities you are experiencing. This usually comes with maturity and experience, but you can read books and do things to increase your self-confidence.

[basilandthyme]

I agree that you have to work on your self esteem. Thing is, if this relationship ends you'll find yourself in exactly the same position with the next guy.

In the meantime, STOP talking about this with your guy. If you continue as you are, you are guaranteed to drive him away. Even the most patient guy in the world will finally end things because of this behaviour


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[4 ratties]

I agree with the other posters.
We all have to deal with the fact that our boyfriends have loved and been with other people. It's life. Better stop worrying about it before u drive him away.

[IslandScorp]

First, stop talking to him about her or your worst fear will come true - you'll lose him; maybe even drive him back to her.

Second, focus on the fact that he's with you, he chose to be with you, and he's already assured you that he no longer loves her.

Third, like the other posters said, work on your self-esteem. You shouldn't be wondering if there was something in her that's lacking in you. That makes no sense since you're there with him and she's not. Isn't it more likely that there's something that he sees in you that she didn't have.

[TablesandChairs]

I was with my first partner for 7+ years; he was my first everything - first love, first sexual experience, first person I went to 1000 places with, first fiancee...the list continues. We're on good terms - not best friends or anything. He's not married and living abroad.

The above would cause you to feel uneasy/jealous and yet, I have no real feelings for my ex anymore; the past is just that. I don't miss him and I rarely think about him unless we're talking via FB or something related comes up. Oh, and I sometimes' visit my ex's blog because he writes about political stuff that is somewhat interesting.

You need to get a grip. If you don't, you might lose him - not to his ex, but to someone else.