Hi everyone.
I'm usually not a sharing type of person, but I feel absolutely lost and confused right now and I need an opinion and advice. I have not told anyone of my current situation, and I hope you could help me.
About a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. The interaction between us had been bad for months, with 2-3 fights taking place every day on a regular basis. At the time I felt like us breaking up was absolutely the right thing to do, and as the days went by I was more and more confident in my decision.
About a week after we broke up, I met a new guy (who we'll call "D"). D was everything my ex was not - mature, relaxed and rational, devoid of any tendency to be over-dramatic and emotional. I was not looking for anything serious, especially so soon after a break up, but this guy was so incredible and our connection was so immediate and profound that I could not think of anything, or anyone, else.
But then I realized my ex and I had a flight to Europe booked for early October (exactly a week from now). At first I was complacent about it - I saw it as a minor annoyance which I was sure I'd be able to solve in a matter of hours. Turns out, what we booked was a non-insurance flight without the possibility of cancellation. I tried sending e-mails, calling, begging... nothing works. The bigger problem was that I already paid for both of our tickets with my credit card (around $700) and my ex claims he will not pay me back for his half unless we fly... together. It's emotional blackmail.
Now, throughout the last couple of weeks, D and I have turned into a full-blown couple. We go to dates, I've met his friends, he sleeps over 2-3 times a week... all while I have a trip to Europe planned with my ex in a week. I do not want to go on this trip, I tried desperately to cancel it, but as a student, a part-time worker and a tenant of an apartment that takes up 50% of my salary, I cannot afford to throw $700 in the trash.
Yesterday my ex and I met, by his insistence... and he was absolutely charming. He was sweet, kind, level-headed... in short, everything I always wanted him to be. We kissed and we slept together at night (though I did not agree to have sex), but I was incredibly distant and cold, I could not look him in the eye, and he did not understand my depression. I kept thinking about D, and how much we have grown attached to one another, and how I could see a future with him... but there was my ex, suddenly transformed into a lovely and considerate guy, my ex who I am supposed to fly with to a romantic vacation in Rome in a week, my ex who I still have deep feelings for.
What am I supposed to do? How can I explain my romantic vacation with my ex to my new boyfriend? How can I go on a romantic vacation with someone who has hurt me so profoundly over and over again, when someone else occupies my mind?
I would be absolutely grateful for any advice you may provide me with, because I am trapped and confused.
Paradigm90