Trawling through the wilderness...

[Lolaesque]

Hello,

I am new to this site/forum, but hoping somebody can offer some constructive advice...

I've been single now for 3.5 years after ending a 10 year relationship. In that time, I've tried internet dating, which has left me feeling rather jaded and with a huge dent in my self confidence.

6 months ago a friend of mine broke up with her partner of 9 years. It's been a difficult 6 months and I've spent a lot of time supporting her through the breakup, listening to her talk about him over and over and being there to mop up the tears and be a shoulder for her to cry on. At times, I've felt like I've relived my breakup, but having been there myself, I understood what she was going through.

So, we also work together and a few months ago, a group of us in the office decided that we'd all support each other and sign up for internet dating. What started off as a bit of fun, has turned into a competition - something I hoped it never would. Having been doing online dating longer than the others, I decided to join in as felt that it was actually better to be doing it in a group rather than as an individual as at times it can get depressI ming as you start to think there must be something wrong with you when you have no messages or guys don't respond to your messages. I've probably been on excess of 15+ dates now and suffer so much with first date nerves. It's not something I feel comfortable with, but not sure how else to meet people.

This week 2 of the girls doing it - one of which was my friend who came out of the relationship 6 months ago - have potentially met serious love interests. Whilst I am happy for them, I can't help but be eaten up with jealousy. They've only been on 2/3 first dates, yet I've had to endure so many more. It's left me feeling like there must be something wrong with me as a person. One by one my friends are meeting people and one by one I've found myself being dropped from social invites in favour of new partners. It hurts and I can see it's about to happen all over again. It's knocked my confidence and I can't help but feel inferior and second rate to these girls - they obvioiusly have something I don't to have been snapped up so quickly. One of the girls has a really good looking neighbour - but when I am out with my friend, it's like I'm invisible to the guy as he just hones in on my friend and I barely get a glance. I just can't help but feel I just don't have it. I've decided to take myself off from the internet dating sites as in truth I can't face it any longer and seeing everybody else so happy, only highlights to me that I just don't have what it takes/not attractive enough etc. Having been single for 3.5 years and now my friend seems to be hooked up after only 6 months, hurts me a lot as highlights that I have nothing to offer/invisible etc.

Thanks for listening

[Boisdevie]

You need to work out why you're not meeting people. I'm not exactly Brad Pitt but I've never had trouble meeting women. Are you shy perhaps or insecure? Perhaps sit down with a good friend and ask them why dating isn't working for you.

[basilandthyme]

Agree with Boisdevie. As you've got friends who are in this with you, ask them where they think you may be going wrong.

[Valixy]

You're right, Lola, dating is not a competition. It was a bit of a silly game, imo. Relax and follow your own rhythem. I don't want to sound pessimistic here but just because a girl gets a serious potential lover it doesn't mean that he's going to be prince charming or that he is indeed the right guy for her. And if it turns out they're going to be forever happy, well that's their moment and their destiny. You'll have your own moments of glory and your own gifts from life as I'm sure you have always had.
Keep your head up, be mature, patient and confident