In 2005, I was in high school. I had a vivid dream about this one girl in my class (up until that point I had never thought of her or even spoken to her), and when I woke up, I found myself madly in love with her. It was as if a switch had gone off inside my brain.
Every thought was about her. Whenever I saw her, or passed her in the hall, I literally trembled. (To show you how screwed up my thinking was, I couldn't even read a book or watch a movie that was made before she was born, because it seemed that the universe had been created solely to bring her into existence and that the world back then was darker for not knowing her. It sounds CRAZY to say something like that, but that's literally how I felt.)
So for the next couple years, I thought of a way to confront her. I considered her to be out of my league, so to speak, which meant that my biggest barrier was a lack of confidence.
Of course, none of this mattered. . . .
One day, when I was walking down the hall, I saw some jock from the wrestling team flirting with her. She smiled at him, and I died inside.
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I haven't seen her since I dropped out in 2007. I learned to supress my feelings for her and move on.
But now they're back.
How do I forget about her?????????? I've never had a girlfriend because of these feelings...
(To be honest, the idea of living to be an old man is depressing. I can see myself sitting in a retirement home, alone, staring out a window and wondering why I was so stupid. Suicide seems better than that.)