WAY older man / unprofessional relationship / I think i have some issues ...

[surfhb2]

I know, it's so pathetic that an older guy has something so special to offer that a beautiful woman chooses him over someone her own age. I think someone is jealous and insecure

You can do what you want but your story is incredibly common for college aged girls. Wait till you're done with schooling and ask the guy out if you like. Just remember that when you're 36 he is getting ready to retire.

Who knows....it may be a match in heaven.....doubtful though. I say go with your Gut......Its your Gut which brought you to this site and is usually right

[smackie9]

You are just infatuated because of the man's position...no different than a guy up on stage playing guitar or an actor on TV. You have just put him up on a pedestal, and are trying to climb up on top of it to be with him. You are just being silly. Mature men want mature women to date because they demand having someone that has a lot in common with them....that means being in the same place in life with career, financial status, kids are already grown up, looking forward to retirement, etc.

You are just starting out in life, planning to get married and have kids down the road after a few years of getting a career going. Now snap out of it.

[surfhb2]

In addition, Men his age who date women your age is a big red flag....did you not know that?

[Starnique]

I agree. They be controlling lots of times.

[surfhb2]

I agree. They be controlling lots of times.

....and immature, lack of self esteem....the list is endless

[basilandthyme]

So going back a bit to what you wrote earlier, you said that you're an overachiever. Plus, you don't want kids. I assume that this means you see yourself being career focused.

If so, what would you do when you're at the peak of your career and moving up the ladder....but he wants to do retirement things like tour the world?

[Rakshasa]

first of all infatuation by definition is short-lived ... and I've already had three years to think long and hard about it and somehow I still feel the same ...
second, I don't want kinds, and I don't really care if I get married or not, I don't need a paper to spend my life with someone.
and lastly, you can't really speak for all men and what they want. That's kind of the center point of the whole dilemma. I don't know where he stands but I'd like to find out. And who knows maybe we both want the same things.

[Rakshasa]

would you do when you're at the peak of your career and moving up the ladder....but he wants to do retirement things like tour the world?

again, why are we talking about this like i'm planning on proposing to him or something XD all i said was I wanted a chance to get to know him better ... if anything that might potentially lead to answering that question ...

[surfhb2]

Go for it! Let us know how it turns out

I mean you're the one who admits this is a unhealthy obsession and you are socially awkward. That and the fact you think a man twice your age will somehow be a good match is pretty bad mix of issues

[Rakshasa]

Well, don't tell anyone, but I made that topic to be controversial and attention-catching so people would respond and it seems to be working
It's not necessarily how I see it, but it seems to be how most people see it and that's ok, it doesn't really bother me. I just wanted some honest input on the matter all (or as much as possible) bias aside.

[basilandthyme]

again, why are we talking about this like i'm planning on proposing to him or something XD all i said was I wanted a chance to get to know him better ... if anything that might potentially lead to answering that question ...

Sorry, I'm having trouble moving past your opening post where you describe his as an 'insane crush', you think you're in love with him and it has become (by your own admission) an unhealthy obsession. This doesn't quite fit the bill for 'just wanting to get to know him'.

If you were simply wanting to get to know him, I'm not sure it would have warranted a whole thread discussing the subject and defending your position.

[Rakshasa]

Basil, how are having an "insane crush" and "just wanting to get to know him" mutually exclusive? ... perhaps "crush" was not the best word to use, as it is somehow being perpetually given a sexual undertone ... maybe saying that I am fascinated with him is more along the lines of what I meant to say ...

[Dolmetscher]

Hey Raksasha...

I can tell you, as a man, age does make a difference. I'm 35 and my girlfriend is 25. That's "only" ten years difference, and 75% of the time I don't even notice. But there is a difference. We've been together for only about 6 months, so I'd say we are still in the new/casual/fun days. But I can already see that if I stay with this girl for a year or so... the difference in our age will become more and more an issue. And it will with your professor guy too.

You will still be wanting to take trips to Europe... Go out with friends... Watch the latest goof movie... Indulge in silly pop-culture... Send him text messages. He will be very soon going to doctor appointments. He'll hate texting. He WILL throw it in your face every time you argue that you are being immature, and that you will need to just, "Grow up." He WILL be embarrassed to introduce you to his friends and colleagues. And if he is worth half a damn, he will NOT be proud of the fact that you were a student of his.

Moreover, I wanted to say... it is not unhealthy that you feel this way. It is not wrong. It is understandable at the highest level. It is, however, not logical thinking. You do not know him. You know "your professor." Even if you go visit him in his office hours, or go for "coffee with the prof," you are not his equal... at all. And I really hate to be the one to tell you this part... you never ever will be; no matter what. I don't care if you get a PhD, publish amazing books in your field, win medals for academia... you will always be his student. His.... YOUNG student. I promise. And if you are okay with that... then THAT is the unhealthy part in all this.

[smackie9]

I say do whatever you want to do so you will learn more about life.

[Rakshasa]

Dolmetscher, I appreciate your input. You bring up some valid points.