Falling for someone, you shouldn't be falling for....

[smackie9]

The best time to express your love to someone is when you are exclusive with that someone...there's a good chance they feel the same way. If you just come out with it to a friend, co-worker, FWB, FB, the results are, it knocks the friendship/relationship off balance, turning things awkward, and then they want out of there....fast.

[lausieboo]

I definitely have to agree in the thought that telling her his feelings would be a bad idea. After all, what good would that do? Maybe he would feel unburdened, but it could very well cause her to feel uncomfortable and hinder the relationship. Not to mention, it could potentially cause problems in her relationship. Plus, if he confessed to her and it actually resulted in them getting together, then that wouldn't exactly say much about her. What would keep her from just doing that to him when somebody else came along?

So, I really don't see any reason to share his feelings with her, unless maybe she were to become single (and he also is still single at the time). So, as I said the answer seems to depend. If he trusts he can keep his feelings in check, realize he can't mess with somebody's relationship, and then legitimately live with just being friends, then why lose a perfectly good friendship? Eventually he'll meet somebody else and move on, and then he could still have a good friend in her. Or fate could even wind up putting them together after all. You never know.

But, again, I feel if he doesn't trust he can keep his feelings in check, or thinks he cannot see being just friends, then best to distance himself.

Why is everyone thinking its a bad idea for him to tell her how he feels? People break up all the time and if she spends so much time with him and not her bf then maybe she does like him but doesn't want to say it. If he tells her he likes her, it also doesn't mean that she will jump into bed with him. She could easily tell him she only likes him as a friend and at least then he'll know instead of always wondering!

[Heart Healer]

How would you feel if some guy was speaking his heart out to your girlfriend and making her confused and uncomfortable with his unreciprocated feelings. She.Has.A.Boyfriend. What about that statement don't you understand. Why is it you can not understand why he should respect her relationship and NOT be telling people that he hasn't even had more then at work interaction with?

This is not like they are dating, have been interacting as a true couple and now is time to tell her he loves her.

Hi Wakeup,

Definitely friend, I would feel bad for obvious reasons but I won't get impulsive until-n-unless needed. Would at first, leave things to my girlfriend to handle. I feel, she would be enough mature and understanding to have it done the right way. If things go worse, I would then intervene. I am not considering the point that my girlfriend would get confused and uncomfortable with "someone's"unreciprocated feelings because if this is the case, I would just leave her right away. There is no point in carrying a relationship that weak, which can be broken so easily.

Coming to the original poster's question, I gave my answer based on my understanding of the situation. Whatever smd does is absolutely his decision. I respect your viewpoint too and I admit, you are not wrong anyway.

All The Best !!!
Take Care !!!

[smackie9]

If she really liked him THAT much she would breakup with her BF....the thing is we are getting HIS perspective....a perspective fueled by his desire for her. It's a fact girls get emotionally attached to guys but don't have romantic feelings. And yes it comes off looking like they have an interest but it's not....(been in her shoes many times).

On the other side of the coin: There are ways for him to express interest without coming out and saying it, by just making comments or making hints....BUT I have a feeling she already does. I know when I was in her situation, I knew the guy was crushin on me, but being young and stupid I just ignored it. I just never knew how much torturous emotions they were dealing with. I know she knows.....I think he just has to keep being more interesting to her, pull back for a bit and then repeat (push and pull method). Let it build up to the point she makes the move. This will eliminate awkwardness that would probably destroy any relationship they have built so far.

[smd]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies. It seems im the bad quy here, Im seriously not that guy and ill distance myself from her. Its hard because I think she wonders what she's done wrong. on the flip side some of my friends seem to think she knows I like her and she playing on it a little.

[Peterd191]

Be honest with her and yourself!

[smackie9]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies. It seems im the bad quy here, Im seriously not that guy and ill distance myself from her. Its hard because I think she wonders what she's done wrong. on the flip side some of my friends seem to think she knows I like her and she playing on it a little.

Listen to your friends.

[Fjortis]

"home-wracker?" In all honesty you are being too dramatic. First - there's a difference between lying/cheating and just honestly moving on to someone who is a better match for her: As long as she is not married, the only difference between you and her present boyfriend is that he HAPPENED to meet her first, and you-second. What if you are a better match together, after all so far there is no oath and no kids involved who could be hurt. Once she marries him and has kids it's all going to be different. So, so far you are still justified to make a try: as long as she chooses and begins dating you, and not just cheat on him, there is no "immorality".

[TheEvilJester]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies. It seems im the bad quy here, Im seriously not that guy and ill distance myself from her. Its hard because I think she wonders what she's done wrong. on the flip side some of my friends seem to think she knows I like her and she playing on it a little.

No, you are not "the bad guy." The very fact that you are wrestling with whether or not to tell her shows that you are not "the bad guy." If you were, you wouldn't give a crap one way or the other if she is in a relationship, you'd go for it anyway. You haven't done that, which means you have done the right thing. You can't help it if you happen to like somebody who is already taken. But, again, it is not right to pursue her unless her relationship were to end of its own accord.

Fjortis,

You are definitely right that it would be more wrong to pursue her if she were married. However, that does not make it NOT wrong to pursue somebody who is in a relationship. If she and her current boyfriend are not right for each other, that is up to them to decide. If her boyfriend is a complete loser who does not appreciate her, that is her realization to make. If their relationship is perfectly happy, then that nobody else has any right to try to break that up. If somebody is in a relationship, you should consider them 100% unavaiable. I don't even care if it is a terribly un-happy relationship. Then, you can certainly stand by hoping it will end. Heck, you can even try to lend a sympathetic ear and try to gently, slightly nudge the person towards the realization that they deserve better. But, to actively try to break-up a relationship is wrong, whether it is perfectly happy or completely miserable. Again, imagine if you were to try and it worked.... what exactly would make you think the person wouldn't do the same to you later when the next interesting person comes along?

[smackie9]

I agree she is fair game if there is no ring on that finger, but some people choose not to interfere out of RESPECT, not morally. I am guilty of doing such a thing twice in my youth, was not proud of it and regretted it. I have been on both sides of the fence....not kool either way.