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Thread: Dating a friend: advice?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
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    Dating a friend: advice?

    There's a girl with whom I was in an extra curricular study group. We developed a good relationship, in which we shared a lot of laughs. In this group, she never really made a true connection to the other members but sought contact with me, which was by then fine by me. She later went for a semester to Thailand, which I was aware of, so when I started to develop more feelings than friendship for her I did not act on it because she went away for six months.
    Now that she has come back I initiated contact with her again, which she responded to with enthusiasm. She texted stuff like "you're one of the funniest people I know", "xxx" and stuff like that so I believe she was looking forward to meet again. As we speak we had drinks together a couple of weeks ago, which lasted for hours in which we had great long talks and laughs. My romantic feelings for her came back but during the date I did not act upon it because it was sort of a "rendez-vous" after not seeing each other for a long time. It was also the first time we spent time together without other people.
    She did say that she casually saw a guy but it wasn't serious and she didn't seem that happy about it.
    I decided to take another chance by having another date, so I casually invited her for dinner at my place, which she happily accepted. While texting she also said that she wasn't feeling all that well (as in general mood). Now that our date is coming up (withing 2 days), we texted today about time,food preferences etc. She then responded "are you going to cook?" "because it isn't a date ".
    I am now confused about her motives to come over. I was planning to lay the groundwork of some kind of romantic relationship with her, but since she seems to think it is just a friend date, I do not want to scare her away. We know each other for about a year and a half now, but are not BFF's or something. What do you think I should do? Confess my feelings to her, romance her, wait for a next date or forget about her? I am really in love with her now so it's hard for me to just walk away now.
    Please advice. Thanks

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    You are so friend zoned when she said "because it isn't a date ". She just made it clear there is no romantic interest......at this time.

    You better kool your jets and shelf that idea for awhile because you are going way too fast.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    Just keep things casual, no pressure, nothing forced......let things progress naturally. Don't put her up on a pedestal....women hate that.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    6,314
    She clearly told you that it isn't a date. This means she isn't romantically interested in you, and that you shouldn't make her uncomfortable and make the situation awkward by behaving as if you two were on a date.

    However, you should make it clear that you are romantically interested in her. There is no point trying to "be friends" with a person you are attracted to. Just ask her out on a proper date and if she rejects your offer, just move on (i.e. don't hang out with her anymore if not for work stuff that you can't avoid).

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