Girlfriend has 2 dogs, I'm not really a dog person...

[t-rav]

Hi guys, new to the forum here I'll dive right in

About 8 months ago I met a girl on the plenty of fish dating website and we really hit it off. Our relationship is very healthy, both emotionally and physically. However there's one small thing (well, technically two) that's been bothering me here for the past couple months... She's been spending a lot of time at my place, sometimes over a week at a time since we live about an hour apart, I work 50+ hours a week so it's hard for me to find the time to go over there accept for just on the weekends, and she is disabled (cystic fibrosis) and doesn't currently work so she has a bit more of a flexible schedule than I do. The fact that she stays over doesn't bother me, I love when she's over, I value our time together. However, she brings her two dogs with her... A chihuahua and a rat terrier. I don't usually mind dogs and I have nothing against them, I've just never really been the dog person type... I don't like the hair they leave everywhere, the smells, the constant chore of walking, and then there's the jumping up on the furniture, begging for food when we're eating, and perhaps the thing that gets to me the most is that they both have to sleep in the bed at night with us... Not just on the bed, I mean IN the bed, under the blanket and sheets and all...

She had the dogs before I ever came along and she loves them like a mother loves her children, and I know there's nothing I'm going to say or do that's going to change that, and I don't want to change that about her. I love this girl dearly and I don't want the dogs to cause issues or come between us.

Basically what I'm seeking advice on is how to approach her about my "issues" with the dogs without making her upset. I'm willing to compromise, it's not a big deal that the dogs come over, I'd just like a few things to change out of the routine that she's become so accustomed to over the years before me.

Thanks

[michelle23]

You need to tell her that her pets are welcome but not in your bed. Tell her that is a deal breaker for you and if she wont compromise then break up. These dogs are her babies, you know they are going nowhere and your not being unreasonable. Either she compromises or her and her pets go..

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[t-rav]

You need to tell her that her pets are welcome but not in your bed. Tell her that is a deal breaker for you and if she wont compromise then break up. These dogs are her babies, you know they are going nowhere and your not being unreasonable. Either she compromises or her and her pets go..

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I didn't think I was being unreasonable either, thanks for reassuring me of that. I've tried to go along with it and give it a shot, maybe they would grow on me and it would turn into nothing, but it seems to only be bothering me more as time goes on...

I'll probably wait until after the holidays to talk to her about it, I don't want issues between us ruining this time of the year. They dogs have already interfered with our time over the holidays... She was going to come with me down south to my family's over Thanksgiving and now she's not going to because she has no one to watch the dogs for a day...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds creepy. I would not wait for the holidays to be over. Tell her the dogs are not sleeping in or on the bed period.

[surfhb2]

Why in gods name would you date a person who loves dogs?! Lol

[michelle23]

What? She cant leave them alone for one day? Okay that is messed up. I would dump her. Ill be at my parents all day christmas day, i may not get home till late at night. My dog will be home warm, clean and fed and ill put down newspaper encase shes desperate to use the loo or get a little tray. Your gf is crazy. I agree with backup. Tell her the dogs are not sleeping in your bed. You should have put your foot down about that from day one. Its a little late now and she will be annoyed but tell her you were just trying to please her and now its making you very unhappy

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[Paul07]

talk to your girl, mate and you'll be able to solve these issues, you'll see. these are not reasons to think someone is crazy or to dump her. unbelievable lol

[t-rav]

Yeah she's a great girl and I really love her, easily the closest and deepest relationship I've had with a girl ever. Granted I'm only 26 years old and haven't had a whole lot a meaningful relationships, but I hate to just thrown one away over something like a couple of dogs... But if something doesn't change and she's not willing to at least put in an effort and work with me, I may have to resort to that. I've made a lot of changes in my life to accommodate her and make her happy, it's only fair that she can do the same for me. A relationship is a two way street, both have to work together, and it's give and take on both sides.

[surfhb2]

I don't think you're capable of understanding that people view their pets the same as their children OP. Our dog is no less a member of our family as my son or wife

You need to break this off

[michelle23]

If your not a dog person then this issue is never going away OP. My dog is family and i would choose her over a new bf if push came to shove. I agree with surf

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[t-rav]

that's what I'm afraid of

[t-rav]

Well, good news is the dogs are the least of our problem now, just caught her in two lies, three in you want to her technical, and they're worse than any dog... Going to confront her about them tomorrow face to face when I go over to her place. If she admits to them and proves what I found out to be true, we are no more. If she denies what I found out and then when I tell her what I know she says it's true, were over. Unless she's got a REALLY good explanation and can prove me wrong... But, I don't think that's going to happen...

Let's just say she logged into her Facebook on my phone a long while back. I just found out it still logs in with the web browser automatically and I did a little snooping (which I'm not proud of...) But I found some conversations that don't sit well with me or don't go along with what she's been telling me... Things are about to get interesting...

[michelle23]

Shes gonna lie no matter what. People always do in these situations. Just end it

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[katewatx]

I've had an ex realize that his dog was just too dangerous to be around my terminal relative who needed to move in to be taken care of. He gave the dog to a person who "rehabbed" dogs. (This dog had never been abused in his care, more spoiled. He'd had it since it was weeks old.) We found out a couple years later that the dog, in the "professional's" care, attacked and hurt a person and killed a dog on two different instances. The dog was eventually put down. It's sad it had to come to that. We're both glad that didn't happen in our care, and I know he's not resentful toward me about my concerns anymore. My point is, people compromise when they need to and it means enough. I know your situation wasn't that bad, but I bet when you're with someone who loves you enough that you can talk these things out and come to an agreement.

I hate to hear that you never even go the chance, though. I know what it's like to have things just come snowballing at you. I hope you're staying strong, though.