Deja Vu!!

[lister79]

I met a girl at work years ago. Things developed between us and words spoken, I fell for her completely, so I left my GF at the time as it was very wrong to continue onto anything more physical or mental whilst with her. Then, she just disapeared!! I had another long term relationship followed by a shorter horrific abusive one and finally onto a really nice girl who is educated funny, bit mad at times but generally an all round beautiful person, and I admire and love that personal beauty. Yeah you know whats coming! The original one appears at work again, many years later, we hug say hi etc etc and all is nice, I thought I'm glad I know how she is and never thought any more of it, well, there were some feelings stirring, but after the disappearing act that took me a couple years to heal I thought I am not going there. Some couple days later, a text out of the blue from this girl, she lifted my number from a form at work and apologised about doing that but said she really liked me and had strange feelings for me. We spoke and it turns out she doesn't remember anything that was said or happened between us. Apparently she went through a long spell of alcoholism and drug abuse, that a lot of her past is blanked out. She has apologised and says she feels awful about what she had done!! Now declaring she has completely fallen for me! I've told her i'm seeing someone who is really nice and safe (after my abusive relationship that means a lot to me). I love my GF for who and what she is, she really is lovely and i'm blessed to be her man....but with all these things in life I can't shake this other girl from my head, she is the one that makes something skip in me, she always had that affect on me!.

We have arranged to meet this week end as I agreed I deserve an explination...again I have told her i'm with someone and I'm not about to cheat on her, she of all people does not deserve that. But these feelings are pretty damn strong.

Is it just the one that got away scenario that then wakes up from some sort of bloody coma and now wants love with me story? If I stay, I know I will have a safe lovely life, someone I can settle down with and build a future, but I have to admit, I doubt I'll ever look at her like I do this girl, there is just one hell of a spark there!! and I mean one hell of a spark, and now she has been sober for over 2 years and "wants me more than anything in life" whilst apologising for putting me in the same position she did years ago....

What does one do.....I was thinking of joining the merchant navy and sailing away! Thats a joke of course.

What do you all think?

[Starnique]

I think if you really didn't want to cheat, you wouldn't be meeting up with this chic in person, knowing you still have feelings, strong feelings at that all while having a girlfriend. She could've apologized over the phone or however y'all was communicating. You've moved on so what difference does it make at this point in time? I think you still have some hope built up in you.

Btw, does your girlfriend know about you meeting up with her in attempts to put your relationship with her at risk?

[lister79]

I hear what your saying. I guess after everything i left for her years ago, I would like the conversation to be face to face and we can't do that at work. Nothing is going to happen, that much I have promised myself and her. I just want to understand why I had to go through so much turmoil and rejection not to mention heart ache.

[lister79]

Ah sorry, didn't see your last question. No, she doesn't. I feel guilty enough just talking to this girl as it is. I just need to know why I had to go through what I did ten years ago for this to come around now! Heart is saying one thing, head another and I followed my eart before and it was wrong.

[michelle23]

You have issues. Youve made all these bad decisions in the past and obviously didnt learn a thing coz here you are in another emotional affair, lying to yourself and refusing to acknowledge that youve already crossed a line. "Your not going to cheat" your already cheating. Youve agreed to meet this girl alone behind your gf back and you dont want her to find out. Regardless of whether anything happens or not, your cheating and if i was your girl and found out about this, i would dump you so fast you wouuldnt have time to come up with some pathetic little excuse about needing an explanation or closure. Thats bollox and you know it.

You suffer from the grass is greener syndrome, youll never be happy with what you have. Do your gf a favour and break up with her

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[michelle23]

Ill just add that decent women dont go near taken men. Your about to jump into the fire and your leaving a nice girl for a poisonous bitch. Theirs your karma. Have fun

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[lister79]

Fairly abusive thanks for that. If you don't think I feel terrible about this contact then your wrong...I never wanted it or asked for it, but now its been dropped on me its hard to ignore the feelings. Suddenly I don't think this site is the place for me....

[Ugly_Swan]

Maybe she lights up a spark in you because she was something you couldn't get at one point and you want redemption/to satisfy that void in your ego.

I don't think you love your GF so if you don't want a future with her (deep down, without denial), then end it--as this scenario is bringing out the truth.

But be aware that this ex might just leave you again. You'll be alone in the end of the story =/

The sense I get from your OP is that you are weak-willed and have poor sense of boundaries. You are scared of making your own decisions and sticking to them. That is not manly and will not attract a quality women--I feel like instead of focusing on this decision between two girls, you should be looking inside yourself.

I don't mean to say all this to chastise or insult you (I know this is hard)--just trying to point out that maybe your whole frame of mind or view of the world needs to be adjusted before you can make a sound decision on this.

[4 ratties]

Get some counseling for your obsession with this stranger. It's not normal.

[michelle23]

Fairly abusive thanks for that. If you don't think I feel terrible about this contact then your wrong...I never wanted it or asked for it, but now its been dropped on me its hard to ignore the feelings. Suddenly I don't think this site is the place for me....

Lol if you cant handle a strangers honest opinon on the internet then how are you gonna handle your gf anger and hurt? She could be throwing pots at your head.

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[TablesandChairs]

I've known people on some pretty heavy drugs...none of them have had the memory losses this girl seems to have experienced. What was she on, horse tranquilizers?

Anyway. She sounds like a flake with issues...these people can usually seem very charming at the start so it's easy to become a bit intoxicated by them. It's up to you - what advice can we give you? You have a few logical options:

Leave your girlfriend for her. Again. Take the risks that go hand-in-hand with that.
Stay with your girlfriend, who you mention is wonderful...and put the other girl in the 'she's in the past' basket. Realize that things may not be as they seem with her.

Sometimes, it's nice to be happy with what you've got, especially if what you've got is worth keeping, as your girlfriend seems to be. But, if you can't shake this other girl off...do the right thing, break up with your girl and do what you have to do. Accept the chances that she'll either bail or show you a different side to herself eventually.