Give and take

[TheEvilJester]

Nope, not at all. It means that if SHE is uninterested in doing what HE wants once in a while simply because it will make him happy, then perhaps he should consider moving on. A transactional relationship implies that she owes him something for something he did for her.

The example you gave is actually a classic transactional relationship. You had sufficient interest in her to do something that she liked, and the maturity to actually fake it well enough that you weren't a drag, while she ignored your wishes all day, and when she finally intimated that she was ready to play, she called it a name to make sure you knew she wasn't happy about it: "I'm going to give you what you want, because I owe it to you" Kind of like paying the toll going over a bridge, or a parking citation.

Ah. Thank you for the clarification. That actually makes a lot more sense the way you put it. In other words, from my view it was not a "transactional relationship." It was very much just a fair compromise, or a give and take in ONE situation. I suited her needs because I believe in a relationship, sometimes you do things not expecting to get anything in return but merely because you want to make the other happy. So, in general in a relationship, the only true "give and take" or "quid pro quo" I expect is really just the same respect in return. So, to me, I never intended it as a "I did this for you, now you have to do this for me." To me it was just, this is a relationship. I did something for her because that is what I do for my significant other.... yet in return she can't even do a fraction of the same for me.

So for her part, she TURNED it into an example of a transactional relationship, because she made it very much about "I'm only doing this for you because you did something for me." Except, even worse, she didn't bother to hold up her end of the so called "transaction." But, then, she never did. I definitely appreciate the way you explained further, as this actually makes a lot more sense to me now. I see the difference you are describing.

Apologies. Didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Sometimes I just have to vent. It feels sooooooooo good looking back on what a piece of garbage my ex was and thinking about my potential future. My God, even if I died alone, I'd be so much better off without her.

[HeartIsAching]

Exactly right. You did it because you wanted to do something for her, she turned the reciprocation into a transaction.

[hatesthis]

Am I right to feel pisssed off about the following situation:
This weekend I spent 10 hours doing stuff I don't really enjoy but my GF wanted me to be there. I wanted us to spend just 2 hours doing stuff I like doing and she had a hissy fit. What really worries me is that if she's unwilling to do stuff I like to do then I'm going to do the same and it'll damage our relationship.

What did she want you to do for 10 hours, and what was the activity you wanted her to do for 2 hours? Is one more casual and less active over the other, did one cost money the other didn't? I wouldn't give her 10 hours again anytime soon, let her show what you enjoy matters as much to her, if not do your own things for awhile. Maybe go to a movie and out to dinner together and leave it at that until she comes around to seeing your POV?

[Boisdevie]

What did she want you to do for 10 hours, and what was the activity you wanted her to do for 2 hours?

10 hours was 6 hours going to a Disney on ice with her granddaughter -I ****ing hate Disney. And 4 hours with her family for her son's birthday. The two hours I wanted was a walk in the countryside. I've let her know loud and clear I wasn't happy. She wanted to go to a Xmas market this week - my reply - no ****ing way. I hate Xmas, I hate towns and I hate twee ****ing markets selling overpriced shite to idiots. She now knows exactly where she stands.

[basilandthyme]

10 hours was 6 hours going to a Disney on ice with her granddaughter -I ****ing hate Disney. And 4 hours with her family for her son's birthday. The two hours I wanted was a walk in the countryside. I've let her know loud and clear I wasn't happy. She wanted to go to a Xmas market this week - my reply - no ****ing way. I hate Xmas, I hate towns and I hate twee ****ing markets selling overpriced shite to idiots. She now knows exactly where she stands.

hmmm.....I predict your relationship is going to hit crisis mode shortly

[pcmaster]

Man it sounds like life is sucked out of you. Theres so much things you hate while others enjoying it. It makes questioning what do you realy love at all?

[Boisdevie]

hmmm.....I predict your relationship is going to hit crisis mode shortly

I think you might have something there. I feel myself getting close to that point where you think 'its better to be single than put up with this crap'.

[michelle23]

You dont sound happy man and i think this is your second post in a month. Avoiding her isnt gonna help. Either fix it together or leave

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[searock]

It sounds like you are already done with the relationship... first the losing weight problem, now this. I think you should break up asap instead of waiting even longer and ruining both of your winter holidays.