how do you know when to give up?

[Dead Can Dance]

Well, I'm really beginning to doubt there's any real hope for me as far as love goes. But I don't know if it's because I'm doing something wrong or if it's something I can't even help.

Basically, I have tried everything over the last five years or so of my life to get any human male to display some flicker of interest in me, but to no avail. And I'm only eighteen at this point, so this has been going on since I was 13.

I've tried piling on the makeup, but it either makes no difference or I look like a circus clown.
I've tried wearing no makeup - you can imagine how that worked out.

In the beginning, I was still sort of a happy child and hadn't yet figured out that I would be considered relatively ugly, so I was friendly and talkative and somewhat forward. It was just rejection after rejection, and people laughed at me.

So after a lot of crying and such, I just gradually withdrew. I have tried making myself look better, but it seems like nothing helps. I've been hospitalized for eating disorder related problems, even though weight isn't the issue, it's my face.

I really have considered that I might just be single for the rest of my life. No matter how much I have in common with a guy, it all amounts to nothing. I want to give up on love. Whether I'm passive or aggressive in looking for it, it's never there. Even when my friends try to help me, nothing happens for me.

I'm really very sick of hours of crying in my room over it. I want to not feel an ounce of liking or attraction for anyone (except in a friendship way), it's simply less painful. And maybe if the aspect of wanting someone to be with me is cut out of my mind, I'll hate myself less.

[AdminOnline]

The problem is with yourself... be more confident with yourself..

read up some self-imporvement book and look at ways to boost your self-confidence first..
Also, eliminate any evidence around you that make you feel negative..

[VincenzoG91]

It sucks that women are usually judged by looks first, and anything else second. However, if you feel that your looks are a problem, that is actually in empowering in a way, because you can focus on more meaningful aspects of life and gain actual respect for who you are and what you have accomplished. Looks fade anyway as you get older, so in the long run, you are better off focusing on other things.

And if you really must have a guy in your life, there are things you can do to improve your odds. Some of my friends are really great guys (though probably way too old for you) who just happen to have some nerdy interests. To some of them, it means a lot when they meet a woman who shares even some of those interests, and they are happy to overlook trivialities like makeup and clothes. Try dabbling in some of these things and see if you don't get more attention.

For example, comic books. They're no longer all weird and childish like when I started reading them as a kid. My girlfriend already like anime and decided to give comics a try after we had gone out for a while. Now she has specific comics that she really enjoys, and I'm thrilled that she likes any of them at all. Anyway, you could try showing up at a comic shop and asking people there for recommendations. It won't take much to get some of them talking about their favorite subject, and your apparent interest will make a great impression on them. Anyway, comic books are almost mainstream these days, or at least movies based on comic books are certainly popular, so you could at least try a couple of those as a starting point.

[IndiReloaded]

If Rosanne Barr can get married 3 times, you can find someone.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roseanne_Barr

Put yourself out there more, have fun, be friendly. Join a local meetup group.
meetup.com

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, and I love your taste in music. Dead Can Dance is a great group!

[Boisdevie]

18 is way too young to give up. Perhaps you have self esteem problems.

[Dead Can Dance]

I may be considered crazy for saying this, but I always found rosanne kind of cool. Don't ask me why.

I think a big part of the problem is that I look androgynous. Nobody asks me to my face, but I have overheard people asking my friends what gender I am, I guess because they don't know whether to addres me as "he" or "she". I look kind of like a teenage boy (because I have no facial hair and am so small) with long hair, and that's where the problem is.

Whenever I'm not thinking about looking for a relationship, I actually find it pretty cool. But when I am - about 70 percent of the time lately - it just acts as a barrier.

Oh, well. I don't really even know what advice I was looking for because I don't know what can be done about it, but thanks so far to those who've replied/will reply for tolerating my pitiful attitude about it.

[Boisdevie]

The fact that you've used the word 'pitiful' implies self esteem problems.

[HeartIsAching]

Yup, 18 is way too young to give up.

It's also way too easy for you to say "I'm too ugly"... you can't really know that. It's difficult to be objective about your own looks.

Piling on makeup is a mistake... I actually think for most women makeup is a mistake. Most women don't really need it, guys really don't like it, and it's nice to get up in the morning with a woman that looks the same as she did when she went to bed.

Vicenzo's advice about hobbies was REALLY good. I'm a cyclist and I love Renaissance Faires - guess where I met my wife? Guess what we do together for fun? It's not a coincidence. Whatever it is you like or think you'd like - try it. I can almost guarantee that there'll be men doing the same things.

[iamaninnocentma]

Yeah as much as i hate to agree with heartisaching, he is on the ball here. It doesnt matter what you look like, its more important to have something in common. If someone as ugly as him can find a wife, theres hope for everyone.

Another thing, girls that are average at your age usually age quite well, and you will probably become more attractive in a few years. You should learn the violin to pass the time.

[HeartIsAching]

Yeah as much as i hate to agree with heartisaching, he is on the ball here. It doesnt matter what you look like, its more important to have something in common. If someone as ugly as him can find a wife, theres hope for everyone.

Another thing, girls that are average at your age usually age quite well, and you will probably become more attractive in a few years. You should learn the violin to pass the time.

You're just jealous of my good looks... and my beautiful wonderful wife. Why else would you be e-stalking me?

[iamaninnocentma]

You're just jealous of my good looks... and my beautiful wonderful wife. Why else would you be e-stalking me?

I suppose by replying to your post it confirms the fact that im e-stalking you(lol), but ill survive. The fact that a professional troll hones in on your musings should be a warning to you about your personality. But no, you prefer to hide behind the idea that im jealous of your good looks and your beautiful wonderful wife.

The flaw in your plan is that i have been to a renaissance fair and every single person there was average to ugly, so the odds of both you and your wife being "good looking" and "beautiful" are pretty damn slim. In summary, as always, youre a dick.

[iamaninnocentma]

Just before you jump on that fact im not a "professional" as such, Kingz gives me a cookie every time i annoy you, therefore, it could be argued that i do indeed recieve a reward for my efforts, making me a professional. Dick.