is my boyfriend asking for too much?

[Starnique]

Financial problems can cause huge strains on relationships. Make sure you go ahead and resolve this issue and don't marry him without seeing a change or the situation is proven to be better.

[DalM0m]

BFs are not required to support their GFs. If you are his wife there should be comingling of the money. Until then, there is no requirement of financial support. Your belief system also assumes that the woman's father is most likely taking care of her financial needs before that responsibility falls to her husband. If that piece is missing then the woman has to take care of herself.

What would happen if you stopped doing all of the household chores?

If you don't live with him & pay $250 (sorry my American key board doesn't have a pound or euro symbol) could you live elsewhere more cheaply so you had more spending money? Is he doing anything to prevent you from getting a new job? If the computer is the only thing holding you back from getting better paying work as a graphic designer tell him you want a new computer for Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

[basilandthyme]

Ok, so I assume you're not debating whether to stay or go.

Given that you can't change him or demand more money, the only option I can see is to tell him that if you're going to be incurring student loans that being a housewife won't work for you anymore. You will have to get another job to start paying for things you can't afford on your own, and insist that he shares the domestics.

[Starnique]

Dal mom

That's not how he explained it to her. He told her, he would provide for her. Bf are not supposed to support gf? Sure they are and vice versa. If I'm dating a guy and he doesn't show provider qualities while we are dating, I wouldn't marry him. If I'm dating a guy thats well off or at least financially secure and he sees I'm in need, why wouldn't he feel the need to help me? Vice versa. I'd help him.

[DalM0m]

Dal mom

That's not how he explained it to her. He told her, he would provide for her. Bf are not supposed to support gf? Sure they are and vice versa. If I'm dating a guy and he doesn't show provider qualities while we are dating, I wouldn't marry him. If I'm dating a guy thats well off or at least financially secure and he sees I'm in need, why wouldn't he feel the need to help me? Vice versa. I'd help him.

provider qualities sure . . . . kept woman . . . .I'm not so sure. If that was the deal . . . that she was supposed to have all of her financial needs met & they aren't being met, why is she still there? I got more the sense that neither of them was particularly clear about the terms of the relationship. If he was willing to support her, why would he be charging her rent? It doesn't sound like he needs the money.

[basilandthyme]

provider qualities sure . . . . kept woman . . . .I'm not so sure. If that was the deal . . . that she was supposed to have all of her financial needs met & they aren't being met, why is she still there? I got more the sense that neither of them was particularly clear about the terms of the relationship. If he was willing to support her, why would he be charging her rent? It doesn't sound like he needs the money.

Excellent comment.

[michelle23]

Hes saying one thing but doing another. He sounds like a prick tbh. Are you not worried about WHY he wants you to stay at home with no money and no independance? Your a trophy love. He controls you by making sure youve no money and he gets to do what he wants, come and go as he pleases and treat you like a silly little doormat. Your signing your own prison sentence with this guy. Did anyone ever tell you having your own money, freedom and independance is important so you dont trap yourself in an unhappy situation where its v diffucult to leave?

If your smart youll get out now


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[smiling100]

Hi, we've been dating for 4 years now but live together for 4 months. Im a student, he is very well off guy. Everything is going quite ok, but i am confused about financial side..
He want's me to be a housewife, and he would take care of me. That would work for me, but i don't think he does his part...
He earns £10k per month and i earn £500
He only pays for things when we are together, like dinner or drinks at the bar
If i want to go somewhere to have fun, i have to pay for myself
I have to pay £250 per month for rent (i am part time extra/ model)
I buy food top-ups which is £10 here £20 there a week
I clean the house, cook, wait for him at home while he is in the casino gambling every other day as i can't afford to go out
I needed a coat for winter, i had to get it myself
I need a new laptop to get a better job as a graphic designer, he says i should as i can't afford it
I want to shout sometimes' but you fu**ing can!'
He literally lives his 'high life' and i get to enjoy it only when i go clubbing with him..
I work hard for my money to buy myself some nice things, and in the end people still think that i got it from my boyfriend, which annoys me ;/
I get 1-2 nice presents a year, never anything random.. its bday present and christmas..
got flowers only once in 4 years. He says ' next time when ill be thinking of buying you a rolex i'll buy you flowers instead'.
I love him, but i grew up with mentality that man has to take care of woman, and woman takes care of the house and this rent stuff and paying for everything myself and looking after him when he is 200 times richer than me is freaking me out. is that normal?

It's not normal. He is controlling you.

You can do better than this.

My Uncle does exactly the same thing to his wife/maid.

Can you really trust this guy is being faithful to you?

[michelle23]

Can you really trust this guy is being faithful to you?

Thats what i was thinking too... living the high life, casinos, clubbing without her... RED FLAG


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[smiling100]

Thats what i was thinking too... living the high life, casinos, clubbing without her... RED FLAG


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I'm sorry Jenny though if I was really into someone I wouldn't be leading a lifestyle like that.

[jennyfear]

[QUOTE=michelle23;956717]Thats what i was thinking too... living the high life, casinos, clubbing without her... RED FLAG

he never clubs without me, maybe once in a while guys night out, and he never told me not to go anywhere, so he is not controlling and he sleeps at home every night

I don't know how to have such a conversation? I don't want to sound like im there only for money
What main points should i raise?
Thanks

[michelle23]

Tell him you dont want to be a house wife. Its not working for you. You feel like you practically have to beg for help even when your struggling financially and you dont want to live like this.

Imagine having a new baby who is teething badly and needs medicine. Your home alone with no cash, no access to his account and cant leave the house... theres your future. Hes tight with money holds the purse strings firmly. If he wants you to be some housewife then you should have access to his bank account. Full stop!

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[basilandthyme]

Jenny, what is the age difference between the two of you? Any cultural background which may be relevant to either of you?

I'm also concerned about his controlling tendencies, but the real measure of this will be his reaction when you tell him that you will be starting work and not doing 100% of housework. I also hope you start going out with friends when you have money.

[jennyfear]

well there is that as well.. im 24 he is 40
im white, he is black
when i met him he lied about his age, he should be 32 now..
but i was in love so i forgave him for lying to me, as he explained that he knew that i wouldnt date him if i knew his real age, and he liked me so much, he wanted to get a chance to get to know me and he told me about his age after 3 years of dating

[surfhb2]

You are a prostitute. Whats that like? Not knowing his true age for 3 years would also make you a pretty unintuitive one as well

BTW.....the money he makes is not that great when supporting two people. Both your priorities are out of wack. Who taught you this BS mentality that the man supports a GF who has no kids and isnt a wife? Jesus! Grow up!!