disabled, superficiality or attraction?

[buster28]

Hello,

I'm physically disabled. There's a girl I was getting to know earlier this year and as soon as she knew I was interested in her she shut me out as she was 'seeing someone.' I was a bit uncomfortable around her because I liked her and judged myself.

I did many things to improve myself since but I still have my troubles.

I randomly bumped into her a couple times over the past couple months. I wanted to say 'hi' but she refused to talk to me. I felt like a weirdo creep just trying to figure what her deal was... caught her at a bad time, off guard...? I know she's not seeing anyone (or so I'm told). She seemed really nice before.

Do you think she's being a bit superficial? I know I can offer so many great things by she won't give me the time of day.

[basilandthyme]

Buster, I think society still has a long way to go in our journey towards full inclusion. I think the lack of acceptance is multi-faceted and could stem from any number of issues or even a combination of them.

Lack of exposure to people who have physical disabilities would be one big cause of the issue. The more we see, befriend and work with those who have disabilities, the more normalised it becomes...and therefore, less intimidating. Problem is, lack of exposure causes people to be nervous...and their nervousness would stop inclusion...it's a never ending circle.

I think another issue would be her lack of confidence. Some people are so caught up in what others think that they'd be all worried about "what will people think if they see me with someone who looks like X?"

You sound like a great guy. Your ideal girlfriend will be one who doesn't give a toss about what others think. She will be someone who sees past your disability and sees what you have to offer. Hang in there and keep trying.

[buster28]

Thank you for the kind words basilandthyme!

It was easy for her to write me off, or she's just too afraid to say she's not interested, because... well. Again, I felt like a creep, giving her the benefit of the doubt because I thought there was no way someone would be so cold.

You're right. She seemed like the character you described but perhaps in her own selfish ways.

[buster28]

I was thinking of sending her a note in a couple weeks or so... I'm stalling to maybe change my mind. I was a little awkward, getting caught up in what she may be thinking. I'd like to be somewhat straight with her.

basilandthyme, would it maybe be fine if I run it by you in a PM?

[hatesthis]

I think she might have lied because you surprised her by asking her out and she didn't want to outright say no without some excuse to give as to why. Not sure why she is being so dismissive of you since, maybe she knows you know she lied.

[buster28]

I think she might have lied because you surprised her by asking her out and she didn't want to outright say no without some excuse to give as to why. Not sure why she is being so dismissive of you since, maybe she knows you know she lied.

You'e probably 100% correct. White lie perhaps. I think there was some truth to it at the time... I think I knew the guy... But I accepted it and a lot has changed for me since, for the better.

When we bumped into each other... I might have been a touch affronted by her civility, or total lack there of. I'll maybe send her an email after the holidays. I'll just ask how she is. Until then, no point in belaboring it, I think.

[basilandthyme]

My advice is to leave her be. She's doing her best to avoid you for whatever reason...and none of us needs a friend like that. Save your love and energy for those who deserve it.

[smackie9]

Stop thinking this has anything to do with your disability, even tho you base her reaction to the way some people have treated you in the past. She just wasn't interested in you, no different than a guy with no disability. You are not a creep, she avoids you because she is one of those that doesn't like to reject someone. A lot of girls respond this way to guys they have no interest in, in general....so this is not unusual.

You want to be more successful, you need to believe in yourself more, and stop using your disability as an excuse for failure. You give off a vibe of being confident and positive about yourself you will be a winner.

[hatesthis]

You'e probably 100% correct. White lie perhaps. I think there was some truth to it at the time... I think I knew the guy... But I accepted it and a lot has changed for me since, for the better.

When we bumped into each other... I might have been a touch affronted by her civility, or total lack there of. I'll maybe send her an email after the holidays. I'll just ask how she is. Until then, no point in belaboring it, I think.

That is kind of you on sending her an email after the holidays obviously you still want her friendship.

[buster28]

Hello People!

Thank you for the replies! It's great having an alternate perspective. Getting into shape has helped mitigate my mobility issues, needless to say improving attractiveness, and I will continue to do so. I'll keep my head up and meet new people. I won't ever rule out saying hi in person or sending a note, as at this point I can only speculate. But I certainly won't any time soon.