I got with my partner when I was 17 and she was 16, 5 years into our relationship she had an affair with a friend of ours. To the point we'd visit our friends family where he was and she go to speak to him in his room and leave me downstairs. Once I happened to go up to see if she wanted anything picking up from the shop as I was going anyway, went upstairs and the door was locked and when they unlocked it they both looked flustered (I know I'm so stupid)
That new year's eve (2003) we went to these friends house for a party and as usual I pretty much stayed downstairs and partied with everyone, whilst she went to talk to her "Friend" About 2am our taxi home arrived but and in her words (I'm not coming yet) so we had a little argument and I left. Well she stayed overnight and returned the next morning (after a bath at her mums who lives down the street), we argued when she returned but carried on as normal, that day we went back upto our friends but when we arrived we passed this friend who was on his way out, now comes that part that makes me feel stupidest of all, upon passing him in the road he said to her "I don't regret anything about last night do you, no she said" and we quickly went inside to see our friends.
After this I started to have a feeling something wasn't quite right (I know I was stupid not to see the signs but I was only a 22 year old lad enjoying life at that time) Anyway this friend moved across the road from my partners sister so everyday we'd go up her sisters and she would leave me at her sisters whilst she nipped across the road to see this friend, then one day it just stopped, we didn't go up anymore.
Around a year or two later (I'm not sure why, or how long I'd even known at this point, I put it on her and told her to have the guts not to lie to me) At this point she admitted they'd had oral sex on new years eve, but still to this day denies anything more, I don't believe her at all tbh.
Needless to say I went straight up and confronted this so called friend who (God I'm stupid) asked me what she's said, to which I told him about the oral sex and he'd said yeah that's true but nothing more (Yeah right). I used every ounce of my self restraint and left without loosing my cool. We had a child the following year and life seemed normal until recently.
Fast forward to my problems in the now, we hardly ever sleep together, we don't talk much and she never shares her problems with me. She talks to other men more than me via facebook and whatsapp but lately she's been texting another man who she met only a few months ago and after me accidentally seeing one innocent message left behind from a conversation that had clearly been deleted with him greeting her "yoyo" well it's been dodgy ever since.
Now she sleeps with her phone close to hand, turned flat on it's screen and on silent. I try and mention it and I'm just jealous, or even worse, and if I don't trust her then I may as well go. She won't stop speaking to him and I guess that's her right, I'm getting that same feeling I got before that I foolishly ignored. Problem is we had a child together who's now a bright 9 year old girl and I'd rather walk through hell with a sign saying come at me satan, than spend one single day not fully in my daughters life. My daughter is non the wiser to all of this, and I'd rather keep it this way for the sake of stability in her life.
She's right though, I don't trust her, not fully anyway and I don't think I'll ever trust her again. I'm not really after advice just the relief that been able to finally say something after all these years. This will be the first time I've ever spoke about this with another living sole. I can't trust someone who's still not telling me the truth about the incident with our friend. Deep down I know she was seeing him for some time and that they were having sex right under my nose, part of me wishes she'd just come out and tell me the whole truth of what they did and how she felt about him, but I fear they'll both take that to the grave with them.
This isn't how I thought my life would turn out.
ps: I'm not a one post wonder, this felt so good writing this and venting