Is he just full of it??

[lacey85]

Have been in an on-off relationship with a guy for over two years. We get on well, everything is great and then he has a 'freak out' and disappears on me only to reappear again sometimes weeks, sometimes months later desperate to see me again and pick up where we left off.
He says that for reasons he doesn't understand "he can't let me go" even though I have asked him to just leave me be because he messes with my head. He was in love once and she cheated on him and dumped him. He says that since then he keeps everyone, not just women, at arms length and doesn't want to get too close to anyone. He often uses this as the excuse as to why whenever things are going well between us he has to pull away and has diagnosed himself with serious commitment phobia- is this for real?! He says things like, "I don't know what's wrong with me/I'm going to end up a lonely old man/why would you want to be with someone like me". He also says things like "I will never find another woman as good as you, you've got everything going for you, why don't you find someone who can treat you better than I do?" But then whenever I try and get rid of him, he pops back up again full of interest and promise that quickly fades when I reciprocate. I have stuck by him firstly because you cannot control who you fall in love with and secondly I'm obviously a bit of an idiot. What the hell is up with him? Does he give a damn about me or is this 'commitment' BS just a method of stringing a woman along for as long as they can get away with it?!

[UKRomantic]

I had the whole "You deserve much better" crap from a female.

I honestly don't get it... If they think you are so good, why keep letting you go?

I think it all comes down to the fact he isn't that attracted to you, but see's you're a nice person and trying not to hurt your feelings by saying how amazing you are.

As for him coming back, I think he's just stringing you along, using you for attention when he craves it. Possibly when someone else isn't giving him this attention.

I could be wrong, and he may have some real commitment issues - But if he did like you, he should be willing to sort them out.

[lacey85]

I don't think he's not attracted to me, he's literally all over me when we're back together and always comments that we're in different "leagues"- it's like he's always putting himself down and building me up yet he doesn't seem willing to hold on to someone that he supposedly thinks is so "amazing". You're right though- if he really did give a crap then he'd sort his issues out! Thanks for the clarity!

[UKRomantic]

I don't think he's not attracted to me, he's literally all over me when we're back together and always comments that we're in different "leagues"- it's like he's always putting himself down and building me up yet he doesn't seem willing to hold on to someone that he supposedly thinks is so "amazing". You're right though- if he really did give a crap then he'd sort his issues out! Thanks for the clarity!

Maybe he has trust issues then, thinks you're going to just find someone "better looking" in future, so he's trying to stop himself from getting hurt?

Who knows. It's easy for people to say what we think it is, but no one knows what's actually going through their heads.

[woody]

Don't be his booty call. Access denied. Dial it up and hold out

[Wakeup]

You enable him. Why would he have to change anything he does with you that is insensitive and selfish and self-centered when you just take him back and fall back into bed with him without commitment whenever he just so happens to give you the time of day? Seriously... where is your common sense?