In a relationship but confused

[luke76]

Hi,I have been dating a girl for 3 months now and before me the girl saw a guy and it was a casual fling and he did not want to get into a relationship with her .When we started seeing each other he was still in the pictre but she says they are just friends and there is nothing between them.I do not know if I should be worried and jalous.She speak to him on a regular basis.She want me to meet him so that we can get a long.what is the feeling on this?Is she cheating or are they really just friends?

[Boisdevie]

Sounds to me like she wants to shag this other guy.

[smackie9]

Who knows.....if the situation seems sketchy, find a new GF.

[smackie9]

In my opinion, if you were everything to this girl, then she wouldn't need to have this guy in her life.

[UKRomantic]

Agree with the above.

It's ok to have male friends, but to be talking to them on a regular basis when just entering a new relationship seems dodgy to me.

But who knows... Go meet him with her and see how it goes. You might get a 3 some.

[TheEvilJester]

Darn it, UKRomantic, you stole my joke. LOL! I was going to make a three way joke.

Anyway, women having guy friends or guys having female friends is not automatically a red flag if you ask me. Though, the fact that they were in a sort of relationship (whether it was just a fling or whatever it was) does make it a little bit... I don't know... weird, for lack of a better term.

To me, it is one thing to have friends of the opposite gender, but it is different when you were involved with them somehow. I think when that is the case, if you want to enter into another relationship, then you have to sort of set them aside. I mean, I suppose it doesn't mean they should completely stop being friends, but they shouldn't be in touch on a regular basis, nor hanging out one on one. Maybe just "Facebook friends," so to speak. But, I don't know. Maybe that is just me. To me the distinction is the fact that they are not just friends. They are friends who used to be involved.

[smackie9]

There has to be boundaries. Texting each other everyday and going out togther just the two of them is over stepping that boundary. If you do date like things with a friend of the opposite sex it is not appropriate when you are in a relationship.

I recall when I was seriously involved with someone, I didn't spend much time with my female friends, so there is a strong emotional attachment between those two...IMO not right.

[UKRomantic]

There has to be boundaries. Texting each other everyday and going out togther just the two of them is over stepping that boundary. If you do date like things with a friend of the opposite sex it is not appropriate when you are in a relationship.

I recall when I was seriously involved with someone, I didn't spend much time with my female friends, so there is a strong emotional attachment between those two...IMO not right.

Exactly, start of a relationship you spend as much time together, you don't spend as much time with friends of the same gender, never mind the opposite gender.

For me, it would be a bit of a red flag and I'd also get a little jealous. The odd text or chat on facebook is fine, but the constant texting, facebooking and even meeting up regularly is pretty poor on her part, and she should understand if and why you get jealous.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed. Similar topics like this have actually come up quite a bit lately. Glad to see more people agree with me, because I was starting to think I was in the minority or something. I don't think it is automatically not okay for a woman to have male friends when she is in a relationship, or a man to have female friends when he is in a relationship. (Or, being PC, being in a relationship of any orientation and having friends of the same gender as your partner.) It is just a situation that requires, as smackie put it, clear boundaries. Hanging out one on one is a no-no, as would be constant daily contact (unless it is unavoidable like work or school).

So, it does take some proper balancing, but it isn't inherently just wrong. That is somewhat ridiculous. I mean, that is practically saying that women should only be friends with women, and men should only be friends with men. Some of my best friends currently, and in the past, are/have been female. Sometimes it is when they are in a relationship, sometimes it is when I was, sometimes both, sometimes neither. It just is all about what seems appropriate to the friend who is in a relationship and his/her significant other.

[tanguerovex]

Hi luke 76. My think is this: you have not confidence to this girl.
the confidence is essential into the love....