Need help with relationship. Confused.

[tmc92ic]

I met a girl last year some time around June or July. We started dating maybe a month after and continued to do so up until mid January of this year. I really liked this girl and fell in love with her badly. I did everything for this girl. If I was ever doing something with friends and she wanted to hang out I would drop them just to see her. I would do what ever I could just to see her happy because it made me happy to see her smile. She said she loved me as well but I never really felt convinced of it. She showed it when we where together but it always seemed as if she was out looking for the next guy. She started talking to some guy at work, lets his name is John, sometime between October and November. I picked up on the fact that she liked him but I dismissed it because she said they were only friends and nothing more. I believed her because I trusted her and loved her. Eventually certain events pushed me into taking actions and finding out what was really going.

I'm a software engineer major and know my around most technology like I know the back of my hand. I know it's wrong to go through your partners stuff but that's what I did... and I don't really regret it. Better to know the truth than to have continued being lied to. I copied all her texts, deleted texts, calls, emails, etc from her phone and started going through it. What I found out is that she did have more then just feelings for John as a friend. And that she had basically been juggling the two of us trying to pick one of us. She had cheated on me. I could only find one instance of it through text in a conversation between her and her sister. But who is to say it didn't happen more than once...

I broke up with her even though I didn't want to and I still had strong feelings for her. When I broke up with her I literally went through hell. This was my first real relationship and it really hurt for months. She had also apperantly started dating him while dating me which explained why she was acting so weird for the last two weeks before I broke up with her. I blocked her, ignored all her calls and texts, she would leave me voice mails telling me she was sorry. But the text and calls all faded away over time. A month or two go by of them dating and they break up. Apparently the guy treated her like shit and abused her. And then all of a sudden the calls, texts, and voicemails started coming in again. She wanted to get back together and kept apologizing for what she did. I ignored them for about 2-3 weeks.

However, me ignoring her didn't last for too long. I eventually caved in and went to go see her. Now we have been back together for about 3 weeks. I love her just as much as I did before, and she says she loves me as well just as she did before. I feel as if our relationship is a lot stronger now than it was before but for some reason I am still not convinced that she really loves me.

In my head all I can think of is everything I had learned from her relationship with John going through her stuff. In my head it's always a comparison now. Me and her vs John and her. Kind of like when your shopping online and your comparing two products side by side.

She practically threw herself at him as were I had to work for everything in our relationship.

• When we were first dating she wouldn't say I love you back, we did some stupid "I care about you" instead. It took months for her to even feel comfortable saying it. To him, she said it right practically right away.
• When we first started dating I couldn't get her to give me a kiss good bye (peck). With him, there was one instance were he didn't kiss her in the first week of dating and she became furious.
• Sex, I had to wait. For him, she was buying him condoms and everything.

Nothing is really wrong right now between us. But this shit is always in my head and it really sucks. I don't know if I am over thinking it or not but I don't think I can ever rid my self of these thoughts in the back of my head. In the back of my head I honestly feel as if I am just being used and everything we have is fake; that she is just acting. I feel like I am a second choice and that's only a matter of time until I become a second choice again. When ever these thoughts come to mind when I am with her I begin to distance myself from her and become angry inside. For example, if we are cuddling and something reminds of what happened I just drop cuddling and become very quiet and just say everything is okay.

Any advice? I can't figure out my feelings for shit anymore.

[KristenElaine]

If she has completely cut off communication with this other guy, and is trying to prove herself, be patient. If you can't let go of what happened and if it continues to haunt you, you need to do whats right by you and let her go.

[GJtoi]

I just wanted to say we're on a similar boat, and I feel your pain. I just posted a thread with a similar situation, with the same confusions.

Hopefully things work out for us, it just sucks to get shitted on.

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post

[tmc92ic]

If she has completely cut off communication with this other guy, and is trying to prove herself, be patient. If you can't let go of what happened and if it continues to haunt you, you need to do whats right by you and let her go.

She has completely cut him off and hates him as far as I can tell. She block his number and even went as far as quitting her job to avoid him. He isn't a problem to me now in the present nor future, it's just the past that bothers me.

Also right now from what I have observed she isn't talking to any other guys or is friends with anyone I feel uncomfortable with. Another thing is that she is one of those girls who has only guy friends and hates girls. The problem with that is that guy don't want to be just friends with girls. They don't want to just hang out with girls for the fun of it. In most cases they just want to have sex or even a relationship.

I want to be with her and I want her. I want this to work out. I want her to feel the same way about me as I do about her but I don't think I will ever get that.

I just wanted to say we're on a similar boat, and I feel your pain. I just posted a thread with a similar situation, with the same confusions.

Hopefully things work out for us, it just sucks to get shitted on.

Yeah I read your topic as well. Yours seemed a bit more complex then my situation but I can still completely relate. I know the feeling, when your heart and brain are at war with each other all the time. Good luck to you as well

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should see other women too, until she's proven herself to your satisfaction. It will help level the playing field as far as your emotions, and you'll care about her less, which is a good thing for the time being. She's going to be Ms. Perfect for a while, but you know her true character, and it will show itself again. Best to not be so attached emotionally when that happens.