Is he just not that into me?

[Amy90]

A man i have been dating for two months is moving to a different state in a few days. We had a talk and decided to give the relationship a try. He hasn't really made an effort to see me in the past three weeks and he says it is because he is busy with work. I had told him this bothered me and was wondering if he wanted to just end things however he says he wants "everything" in terms of a relationship. I am trying to be supportive and patient because i know he is very stressed about work and the move however I am worried about the relationship and when i will get to see him next. We haven't discussed this and i dont want to pressure him because he is already so stressed with work. Should i just keep quiet until things get settled on his part or is this something i should voice? I wonder if he really wants a relationship and is scared of hurting my feelings, but if so why would he say he wants a relationship?

[basilandthyme]

Amy, you're being a doormat. And desperate. Why on earth would you enter a long distance relationship with a guy who a) you barely know and b) doesn't make time to see you?

Don't leave the 'stay or go' decision up to him. Not ever. If you're unhappy, don't worry about what he wants - just dump him and find a better match. Take your power back.

[Amy90]

Haha I know it may sound crazy but I really connected with this guy. Most of my past relationships have been long distance so I am quite comfortable being in one. I just needed a guys advice to understand if what he says is what he actually wants. Girls can be complicated and sometimes say one thing but mean another, I just dont know of any men who would lie about wanting a relationship...

[searock]

He doesn't care. Have you seen the movie? He doesn't care, or he would show you with actions. He would want to spend a lot of time with you, he would want to make you happy, and so on. Don't listen to what he says, if his actions prove the opposite is true. I think he's just telling you he wants a relationship so that he can get sex, and then leave without having to deal with you anymore.

[snowman90]

I honestly think you don't want this relationship. He is not showing any affection towards you, he is not that into you otherwise he would want to spend time with you etc..

[Wakeup]

A man i have been dating for two months is moving to a different state in a few days. We had a talk and decided to give the relationship a try. He hasn't really made an effort to see me in the past three weeks and he says it is because he is busy with work. I had told him this bothered me and was wondering if he wanted to just end things however he says he wants "everything" in terms of a relationship. I am trying to be supportive and patient because i know he is very stressed about work and the move however I am worried about the relationship and when i will get to see him next. We haven't discussed this and i dont want to pressure him because he is already so stressed with work. Should i just keep quiet until things get settled on his part or is this something i should voice? I wonder if he really wants a relationship and is scared of hurting my feelings, but if so why would he say he wants a relationship?

He is simply telling you what you want to hear. A man that actually loved you and wanted a relationship with you would NOT go three weeks without seeing you when he's moving away and won't see you much at all.

Stop being stupid about this and instead of leaving this up to him so that he can tell you what you want to hear, why don't you tell him that his lack of attentiveness to you when he's leaving tells you that he doesnt value and can't give you the time to nuture a relationship properly and it's best you break up so you can be free to find a man that gives a shit about you.

[r321148]

I'm going to partly disagree with everyone else here...
Maybe he is just busy? Maybe he is being honest with you and his big move alongside work are taking up all of his time?
You've only been together two months and maybe he doesn't think a fledgling relationship is worth sacrificing his career for at this stage?
What's his alternative? slack off at work and just forget about moving and then in 2 months you two decide that the honeymoon period is over and you're not right for each other anyway?

TBH, myself and anyone here is only guessing really. You know him best....what do you think? Does he seem the sort to lie to you to string you along? Is he likely to be trying to tell you what you you want to hear to avoid hurting you? Do you know him well enough in 2 months to judge that? (personally I think 2 months is too soon to consider a LDR but that's just me)

You're choices really are 1) wait it out until he is moved and settled and see how it pans out or 2) take control and end it.

You just have to do what's best for you: if you can wait it out then do that, if not and this is making you miserable (regardless of whether his reasons are genuine or not) then there is no point and you should end it. From what you've written I think you already have your answer.

Good luck

[Rowen]

I'm going to partly disagree with everyone else here...
Maybe he is just busy? Maybe he is being honest with you and his big move alongside work are taking up all of his time?

But if that's the case, you can still make time to see someone IF you want your relationship to go anywhere. When I met Dave, I had a lot going on with employers at work doing illegal shit and my grandfather's funeral on top of it... Still, I made the time to see him because I wanted things to have a chance. If this guy isn't giving it a chance to develop at all, he doesn't want it to.

OP, the best advice is to move on.

[r321148]

As with most things, different people react differently. I'm not saying this guy does or doesn't want anything (although I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt)....as with my main point everyone here is guessing, nobody here has met the guy... OP...YOU know him best.
If you read the rest of my post I said you should do whats best for you because at the end of the day it's what you can or can't deal with that is important here.
If you can deal with it then wait it out and see how sincere he is....if you can't then don't as it'll just make you unhappy.

good luck

[Amy90]

Thank you for all the replies guys ! I have gotten so much positive and negative feedback from everyone I know that i just wanted opinions from unbiased people who dont know us personally. I wasn't trying to be pessimistic, I truly like this guy and want things to work between us. The military takes up a lot of him time so I know his job comes first before anything else. I dont want to jump to any conclusions yet so I will wait it out for a bit and see how things are once he moves.

[Rowen]

As with most things, different people react differently. I'm not saying this guy does or doesn't want anything (although I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt)....as with my main point everyone here is guessing, nobody here has met the guy... OP...YOU know him best.
If you read the rest of my post I said you should do whats best for you because at the end of the day it's what you can or can't deal with that is important here.
If you can deal with it then wait it out and see how sincere he is....if you can't then don't as it'll just make you unhappy.

I'm only speaking from my experience, so you're right. It could be. Or it couldn't be. But, I wouldn't advise the OP to try so hard... That's just me, though.

[basilandthyme]

The military takes up a lot of him time so I know his job comes first before anything else.

Do you want to be in a relationship where you will never come first?

[smackie9]

It's only two months and it doesn't sound like his feelings are invested, just cut ties.

[Wakeup]

Okay: Here it is, straight up and harsh because you're still grasping at hope and ignoring the lack of action that shows you he loves and wants you in his life.

You're choices really are 1) wait it out until he is moved and settled and see how it pans out

You bloody well know he's not that into you or this thread wouldn't exist. Don't grasp onto little crumbs of hopeful diaglogue in this thread like you did the crumb your "date" gave you when you left your own emotional well being in his hands instead of telling him what you wanted and could he deliver. You asked him if he wanted to break up with you and then he fed you a line either to save having to deal with your drama or to string you along for sex when ever he could get with you. Three weeks and not seeing him? You know what that means so don't come here looking for us to placate you in your hope. It's clear.

End it yourself, you'll feel the power come back into you and your self-esteem/ego won't take the hit that it's going to take when he totally fades on you once he's gone or strings you along until he finds someone where he is and then fades on you.

What good is a long distance relationship if neither of you have any plans to eventually meet up and spend your lives together? You should NEVER go into a long distance relationship without any concrete committment from BOTH of you. To do so is just illogical and it's going to stagnate you from finding someone close by that will commit to you the way you want to be committed to.

Be wise and not hopeful. You haven't invested enough to be otherwise (two months is sweet fk all).

[LittleFox]

Amy90, I believe that seeing some kind of special connection, has let you think that that is the reason it could work.
I can understand that it is difficult to admit it, but in this case, to feel powerful again, just forget about him. Forever. EVEN IF he tries to take you back, NEVER go back.
Too fast you started to get hopes for something more.

IF he would want to have a serious relationship or at least try, he would plan your meetings even before he went away. He would think and plan how you will manage your relationship. If he really was so busy busy busy, he would apologize to you and tell and plan when he would have the next free time to meet you. Or he would pay a ticket for you to come.

Do not cloud your mind. Clearly there are many possibilities to manage relationship from distance, IF both sides give their effort.