Starting a new relationship? Ugh scary...

[Mousie]

Okay so I will try to make this as short as possible haha Basically I'm just looking for an unbiased ear to give me some advice.

So I have only ever really dated one guy since the age of 16. We were both each others' first and only real relationship. We even went to the same university for four years after high school,; and it was all lovey-dovey mushy-gooey. After dating for 7ish years things got complicated. We had to spend 4 months apart due to physical distance, it was really hard for both of us. That was about a year ago and after those 4 months we were back living in the same town dating, but things really weren't the same as before. The love soaked, carefree days spent together weren't there, the magic gone. I'm getting flowery but really it was rough I got kind of depressed especially after I found pictures of other girls on his phone. Now I don't think he ever cheated on me but pics of half naked bar skanks is not all the best thing to find on your bf's phone.

Anyways, I don't mean to make him look like an awful guy. Honestly, he's the most supporting caring and loving guy you can imagine. He always listens and tell me how much he loves me. He wants to spend all this time together cuddling and hugging and doing whatever I want to do (treating me to dinner and movies and so forth). But through various circumstances we both decided to "take a break for a while". That was about two months ago and we still hang out once a week or so but only as friends, the deal was not to cross that line into bf/gf territory (eg, hugs kisses and everything after that). But lately he has been slowly worming his way out of this agreement with "I love you"s here and an attempted kiss there. Which would be cute if not for the fact that the whole reason that we needed the break still hasn't been resolved, in fact he's trying to shove it under the rug.

While this has been going on I also recently(ish) reconnected with an old friend from high school. We weren't super close in high school like best friends but we were part of the same like circle of friends, you know how high school can be lol Anywho, this past summer he moved back home after finishing university and I hadn't really been in contact with him at all through those years but we ended up both getting jobs at the same place and we spent the rest of the year hanging out at work and eventually we became gym buddies too. So we were seeing a lot of each other. But ever since this break with my bf my eyes have opened for sure. It was kind of a slow build but now I have this major crush on him. I haven't said anything because I didn't really know what's what and I didn't want to ruin the friendship. But a couple of days ago I was chatting about this with a mutual friend and she assured me that it was pretty obvious he likes me too. So since it's not a totally baseless crush, I've decided to do something about it! Live life and all that...

So here's my dilemma (after that huge long backstory, sorry haha and thank you to those who read all of that). I'm really trying to gather up the courage to ask my friend out and I think I can do it but that would really mean the end of the relationship with my old bf for real. Like, I don't want to get back together with him obviously because the relationship has been slowly dying for the past year and I just can't take playing at being together with him any more and we did agree on this break. But we were together for 7 YEARS. And to think that we really may not be together forever like we planned is just too smurfing sad; he's been my best friend for like a good chunk of my existence. Thus, the eternal question "Am I doing the right thing?" I don't know, life's so hard jeez!


Oh, also, I'm thinking of confessing on Valentine's Day. Kind of cheeseball I know. It's not like I'm going to profess my eternal love for him or anything, just tell him I like him and maybe ask him on a date. Too stupid or what? I though it might be kind of cute, I don't know...

[Mattiemae]

Most of the time the people we date in high school may go into college, but at your age you are both growing and developing alot. We change through life, and usually in the case scenario you are talking about it's not the two people don't like or love each other, but you haven't dated anyone else. So of course exploring you learn and grow other ways. You do drift apart in some cases. Others stay together forever. So this is really both of your choices how much you love each other, and where you want your relationship to go. Feelings and emotions will change all the time. 50 year old anniversary couples will telly you they've fallen out of love, and in love with each other again and again. Their relationship has its bumps, and road blocks, hardships. It really is them being dedicated and devoted to each other for a life tiem. On the other hand the reality is you both have agreed to explore other relationships and this may end your relationship, or may not. You can ask the new guy out on a date, but know you do have to be honest with the other one. You really both have to decide whether you're done with your relationship and move on, or stay together. It's a hard choice and decision, but one you may be faced making many times in your life depending on how many relationships you have.