How to forget a guy from 5 years ago?

[deasymatthew]

we were both on tourist visa in HK in 2009. I met him January 2009 and I have to leave end of Feb 2009. Same with him, he has to go back to the US in March from jpn. We went out several times. He is really easy to get along with and very caring. We had fun and it seemed like I found " the one". I told him I liked him, he respnded immediately that he likes me too. He wants us to get an apartment at least before we leave the country to go back to our own countires. That was almost the end of Feb. I don't want to leave but Hk immigration wouldn't extend my visa so I decided to just go to China. I cannot leave him. My heart doesn't want to leave.
He followed me in China but only for 2 days due to daddy reasons. he's a single dad. we were unseparable. Then he made a proposal...A baby. he offered to get me pg. but I declined. I was scared that i won't see him again. it was true.
That day he went back to Hk, i cried straight 4 hours. thinking that I wont be able to go to the states and the fact that i might not be able to see this person again.,
MY FINAL WORDS TO HIM ARE: WHEN I THINK ABT HK, ILL THINK ABOUT U.
Now, its been almost 5 years and he is still on my mind. I see updates on fb but i dont see him online. He recently just got married last year, and me, still unmaried with a 1 year old daughter. I just saw his profile picture, his wedding picture with his wife. But his cover photo: it's victoria harbor...in HK.

does he still think abt me the way i think abt him> is it too awkward to msg somebody abt something that happened 5 years ago? there are what ifs in my life and i need answers

[Wakeup]

we were both on tourist visa in HK in 2009. I met him January 2009 and I have to leave end of Feb 2009. Same with him, he has to go back to the US in March from jpn. We went out several times. He is really easy to get along with and very caring. We had fun and it seemed like I found " the one". I told him I liked him, he respnded immediately that he likes me too. He wants us to get an apartment at least before we leave the country to go back to our own countires. That was almost the end of Feb. I don't want to leave but Hk immigration wouldn't extend my visa so I decided to just go to China. I cannot leave him. My heart doesn't want to leave.
He followed me in China but only for 2 days due to daddy reasons. he's a single dad. we were unseparable. Then he made a proposal...A baby. he offered to get me pg. but I declined. I was scared that i won't see him again. it was true.
That day he went back to Hk, i cried straight 4 hours. thinking that I wont be able to go to the states and the fact that i might not be able to see this person again.,
MY FINAL WORDS TO HIM ARE: WHEN I THINK ABT HK, ILL THINK ABOUT U.
Now, its been almost 5 years and he is still on my mind. I see updates on fb but i dont see him online. He recently just got married last year, and me, still unmaried with a 1 year old daughter. I just saw his profile picture, his wedding picture with his wife. But his cover photo: it's victoria harbor...in HK.

does he still think abt me the way i think abt him> is it too awkward to msg somebody abt something that happened 5 years ago? there are what ifs in my life and i need answers

I think you should consider getting some professional help that will give you the insight as to why its so dysfunctional for you to be pining away for a man that you met and had a fling with FIVE years ago. This man has moved on and has a wife now and you need to stop stalking his facebook page. He does not want to talk to you now so do yourself the kindness of deleting him from your life in all ways.

You now have a child with some other man that by all accounts isn't with you anymore so work on bettering your mental state so that you are a good mother to your child. This man has no place in your life, he wants no place in your life and when you accept that and quit keeping him forefront in your mind, you will stop wasting your life on a memory.

You can get to the stage of indifference to your fling if you stop clinging to the memory the way you're doing now.

[Valixy]

You both took a risk then to have a short passionate relationship knowing that you were going to part different ways very soon. Your circumstances were complicated but not impossible to deal with, should he had been the one for you, feeling as much as you did and and willing to have a real relationship with you, but that wasn't the case. He never tried or spoke with you about a relationship once that you separated which means that he was fine with things as they were. He had probably been just as infatueted as you were since he wanted to have a baby with you, and terribly selfish and irresponsible too, but his feelings weren't too deep or lasting as you could see.

Over the years he hasn't been harbouring some deep love feelings for you that he hasn't dared to confess and struggeling with a new life that doesn't fulfill him, or he would have contacted you. Men can detach much easier than women, have a more realistic and practical view on relationships, but just as women they need to express their love when they feel it. No contact with you all these years means that he does not need a relationship with you in order to be happy, so no matter what your heart/mind tells you, neither do you. You need to let go the false hopes about this man who can't offer you anything anymore, nor is he willing to, and if you want to be a happy woman, you'll have to do your best to become one, and look for a partner who loves you and wants to have a real love relationship with you.

[smackie9]

I can see that you feel "That could have been me" when you look at those wedding photos, then look at the lack of relationship success in your life. You only dated the guy for less than two months, you were obsessed and there is no way to really know someone properly for that short of time. Honestly you knew back then it was way too much of a gamble to get pregnant so you DID make the right decision. You are still dwelling on those obsessive feelings from 5 years ago, and in reality you are using them as an escape from your loneliness in your own life. You need to embrace life, enjoy the love of your daughter and be grateful for the things you DO have. The more positive you are about yourself, the better your chances of finding happiness, which will attract the right kind of people to you. Then there will be no need to send yourself back 5 years into the past to feel good about something.

[basilandthyme]

does he still think abt me the way i think abt him> is it too awkward to msg somebody abt something that happened 5 years ago? there are what ifs in my life and i need answers

No, he does not think about you the way you think about him. If he does think about you at all, it is probably just an occasional memory of a holiday fling.

It would be completely inappropriate for you to message him now that he's married. If you do contact him, expect a very terse response and to be blocked from all avenues of contact.

Go to counselling.