falling for... my manager?

[raetaylor]

Sorry in advance if this is kind of long and rambling...

Basically me and my manager at work are really close. He's kind of like a rock for me, and we're always kind of sideways flirting and I think it's growing into something a little more. We've almost been fired before because everyone thought we were sleeping together, and that kind of scared me off of him for a while. We've been in this sort of flirtationship for over a year now, where we'll have these crazy inside jokes and ask to work together because we like being around each other. We're also crazy open about our sex lives, and share stories, tips and the like. The biggest problem with this whole thing is that he's living with someone and they have a kid together. His live in sees me as a threat because of how much we hang out and has gone as far as telling other coworkers that she doesn't want him to have anything to do with me. He has repeatedly told me that he doesn't want to be with her in five years and is getting closer and closer to me, but I really don't want to be 'that girl.' I'm in a relationship too... Which brings me to my next thing. He's so jealous of my boyfriend that I can't even let him come to the store because my boss would kick him out for distracting me. It gets annoying sometimes that I can't have my boyfriend there, but his live in can come and give me hell all she wants. He also always makes himself available to me. For pretty much anything. He'll go out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable at work and even go as far as sneaking me food so I don't have to pay for it.

He fixed my car for me recently. We were driving around and at one point we almost got hit and he made it a point to tell me that he'd put his safety on the line to make sure I was okay. It was kind of unsettling for me because he has a family. I feel like we're getting in over our heads here and it's not supposed to be fun anymore. I miss that. I'm not sure how to take him anymore because he won't come out and say anything. If we ever get remotely close to touching on the subject, he always gives me the same "I love my girlfriend" answer even though his actions say otherwise. I don't know if I'm over analyzing this or if I should force him to tell me what he really wants to tell me. It makes it so much harder that I can see myself building a life with him. He's such a sweet and caring person. Please help!

Thanks!
Rae

[basilandthyme]

Oh dear - the two of you are emotionally cheating on your partners AND being inappropriate at work. What a double act! This is a whole lot more than casual flirting if you've nearly been fired over it.

Instead of analyzing him, how about you analyze your own behaviour? Why are you behaving like this when you've got a partner?

[OrangeSun]

If he makes excuses to come to your desk he is interested in some way. I would ask him again. Tell him your confused about us and what he thinks

[raetaylor]

Trust me, I've analyzed my behavior a million times. My boyfriend is pretty much irrelevant in this. We're open and he doesn't care about anything that's going on with this person as long as I inform him. But also, me and this guy have never done anything together. We've never touched each other, it's all just talking and has been for the year or so that we've known each other.

He makes excuses to just be around me. My coworkers have told me that he's a pain to work with unless I'm there. He's extended my shifts by hours just to have me there to talk to. It's kind of odd, he is an excellent friend, but I really do feel weird about this because of his live in. I don't want to break his family apart, and I've gone to a lot of lengths to make sure I'm never more available to him than I have to be. I just don't know what to do anymore because he sends me SUCH mixed signals and it's confusing at times. He really is a good person.

[basilandthyme]

So, you have an open relationship with your boyfriend? Is it acceptable to him for you to get so emotionally involved with another man?

The guy you're keen on is a good person? I don't imagine his co-workers would agree. Nor would his partner if she knew what he was up to.

Anyway, mixed signals mean that you're simply not a priority to him. To him, you're a bit of fluff which he flirts with at work. If either of you was remotely serious in the other, you'd leave your partners and make it work.

[raetaylor]

I'm open with my boyfriend about this guy. He knows all about this situation.
And she does know. She sees me as a threat and pretty much public enemy number one. She's pulled my best friend aside a couple times and said she hates how he looks at me, because it's how he used to look at her and he never looks at her like that anymore. Which is kinda sad in and of itself.
I'd never leave my bf for him. If anything happened with him it'd be casual.

[basilandthyme]

Well, his partner does have quite valid concerns about you. Do you not see understand....or do you not care?

[raetaylor]

I know she does. And I do care. It's just that sometimes they're a little misdirected. I'm not the cause of all her problems with him, and she uses me as a scapegoat.

[basilandthyme]

hmmm.....it would seem that I'm feeding a troll.

[raetaylor]

No. Just someone who is confused and really in over their head.

[basilandthyme]

No, you're fkn delusional.

[smiling100]

The two of you sound made for each other.


I feel sorry for both your partners.