Got dumped and need advice

[suddenlynothing]

I wont bore you with too many details so the basics it is. My ex girlfriend [23/f] of 4 years broke up with me [27/m] over pretty much nothing, no argument just a text then that was pretty much it, said she needed time because she wasn't feeling it anymore.

Went to hers the next day, basically gave me a load of shitty excuses just to break up with me but then kept saying she didn't know how she felt.

So i left i'm not going to beg. I later messaged her saying we should meet up, she agreed and i said "how do you feel about us" and she replied with "i know i'm not suppose to be with you" obviously i was gutted so tried to message her with logic with what has been happening over the last few weeks she completely agreed with what i was saying but said it doesn't change the way she feels.

She has messaged me twice once to throw it in my face that she did this for me, still cares and thinks im an "awesome guy" but she could potentially cheat on me in the future, i said don't worry about it shit happens and it wasn't going anywhere anyway.

five weeks pass and she messages me again saying "how do i delete you from Google+" seems pretty pathetic to me so i reply "ask Google" then she replied "that's really mature". It carried on for awhile so i sorted it out and deleted her from mine and asked her to delete my number (don't know why she had it anyway) which i imagine she has but still hasnt from G+, probably because she never uses it, so why even ask me?

I'm looking for some advice as i'm feeling down about it and i don't want to go backwards, i dont want to get back with her but i do miss her and think about her a lot, i wake up most morning feeling like shit.

Thanks.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop communicating with her. Ignore any and all contact.

[suddenlynothing]

I have done, but how do i deal with the missing part?

Cheers by the way

[michelle23]

Yes block her and have zero contact. Its only been 5weeks. It can take 6months or more to fully heal from a breakup especially if you were the one dumped. It just takes time but you will get there. Soon enough she will just be a distant memory.

[suddenlynothing]

Thanks, i apologise i was in my own head and i haven't out the accurate time scales down. First time she text was three weeks after we broke up, then it was five weeks after that so its been almost 3 months now

[michelle23]

I think rejection hurts more than the actual loss if you get what I mean. Its also a knock to your confidence and takes time to pick yourself up. Theres nothing abnormal about still feeling the pain after 3 months. But you should be helping yourself too by getting out, spend time with friends and family, join a new hobby, concentrate on work or study etc. Basically just dont sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Staying active helps

[suddenlynothing]

Cheers Michelle, this is going to sound really selfish but I'm doing those things but i feel like i just need some reassurance from some people that may have more experience than me at this relationship stuff as it was my first proper one after all.

Thanks again your a star

[smackie9]

All broken hearts need time to heal. If you let yourself grieve for the first week, you will start to feel better by week 2. Then it goes from there as long as you work hard at moving on. It is necessary to go through this process. We learn, we grow and we move on. Before you know it you stop thinking about them all together.

[suddenlynothing]

strong words, thanks for the advice

[Lizziebee]

Definitely don't contact her anymore or answer her if she tries to contact you. Honestly I think the last part was probably because she realized how big of a part of her life you were and she probably ended up missing you. Honestly though, if she feels like she'd cheat on you if you'd stayed together it's probably best that you two broke it off. My boyfriend actually had a friend that "accidentally" cheated on her boyfriend a few months ago because he was fulfilling her sexually. Whether or not that was the same case, if someone that doesn't even mean to cheat will cheat, then someone that knows the would possibly cheat would definitely cheat on you. And that's a mess that's better left avoided. Given the length of your relationship, perhaps she just felt a lot of pressure towards commitment. Some people get into relationships and then years later freak out because they can't believe they've had such a successful committed relationship. Plus, 4 years means you got together when she was 20. That's a long time to someone in there 20s and she may have been feeling like she missed out on an essential dating/going out with a lot of people part of her 20s and she wanted to experience some of that before it was too late.

[pcmaster]

Check this breakup guide man !

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[suddenlynothing]

thanks for your honestly , but she had no lack of...um..."dating" ill let you work the math out on this one. She lost her virginity at 16 then got with her first boyfriend around some point 16-17 was with him for 18 mouths and cheated on him because he cheated on her, then she had a short term relationship with another lad again she cheated on him because he cheated on her...again. I started seeing her about two months after her 19th birthday and she was obsessed with me, i mean just ****ing staring at me constantly and wanting to get my attention. Oh and i was the 21st person she had slept with!! that wasn't easy to deal with i can assure you that

[Lizziebee]

That's way too many people. D: I can't imagine ever sleeping with that many people. My number is only high because I've been with guys and girls, and it's still MUCH lower than that... I think I have a grand total of 12, one being my current boyfriend and five of those being other girls. I've dated a whole lot more people than I've slept with, I can't imagine being a persons 21st. At that point I think I'd be uncomfortable with sleeping with them at all. Anyway, moving along, then I have no idea what the deal was with her initial reaction. As for the cheating, I feel like if you're just going to cheat on someone you shouldn't be in a relationship and once a cheater always a cheater. I get that she was also cheated on in the past, but that still doesn't make it ok for her to do it. I've been cheated on by almost everyone I've ever dated, with the exclusion of my current boyfriend, my first boyfriend and a few decent people in between that weren't total assholes we just didn't quite have that spark. Anyway, my point is, despite that I've never cheated on anyone for any reason ever. So I feel like the fact that she was cheated on in the past was just something that she used to cover up cheating on them also. If she's that type of person you're probably better off without her anyway. I know you guys were together for a long time, but I'm certain you'll find someone better suited to the commitment you're looking for. It may take a while, but don't give up. You seem like a good guy and you definitely deserve better than that.

[suddenlynothing]

Cheers, she was with me because i was different i have strong morals and my loyalty is second to known also im quite weird and kind of out there. As for her sleeping that amount people i thought it was quite amusing at times. Forgive me but im about to get a little cude, i very much doubt she is lying about it, but it seemed as if she hadn't done much, she just enjoys it and i cant blame her for that its natural, but we did everything together and i mean EVERYTHING!! some stuff she will never do with anyone else i can guarantee that.

For the most part i am a nice guy but i must confess i did love her dont get me wrong but i was never in love with but she was with me, so i think its kind of gone full circle. I know that makes me look bad but im no angel.

[Lizziebee]

I guess that's a good feeling, right? There are definitely things I'd never do with anyone except my current boyfriend, there are still things I'd never do with him, let alone anyone. But I'm pretty much madly in love with.

As for loving her but not being IN love with her, I mean I'm not saying you're an angel. But you aren't a bad guy. And there isn't anything wrong with not being in love with someone just because you've been together forever. You can love them and/or care about them without being completely and madly in love with them. So I wouldn't feel bad about it. Also perhaps the reason she broke up with you, since she feared that she'd cheat on you, was to spare your feelings. Since you guys had been together so long, maybe she just wanted to end things gently so that maybe you guys could at least be friends in the future.