Girlfriend acting weird & distancing herself - appropriate reactions?

[bekho]

Being in love and sticking like glue, neglecting everything else in your life for a girl, is going to put u in a all or nothing position. Being paranoid and insecure isn't because you love her so much, its because you have nothing else.

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[johngender]

You can't know what for sure is going on unless she tells you the truth but who knows if the story she tells you is in the truth or just the sugar coated version.

One thing I know from experience that playing mr.nice guy probably will backfire as she will know you are there when she wants you. You need to challenge her however at the end of the day if it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

If you play hard to get & it works out great, the truth will come out. Hopefully the sooner the better.


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I wouldn't date other girls if you are really into her.

They will only be a rebound & they will not take her place. It's destined to backfire on you if she finds out or not.

Be more elusive.

Thanks man. I'm playing it cool right now and backing off with the contact & trying to make her pursue me a bit (i agree with the nice guy thing), but it hasn't really made a difference yet.
We have a "half" date tonight (the last time we saw each other we half agreed that i'd come to her place) but i'm going to call it off and ask her out tomorrow night instead (she won't be done at work until 23 PM, and besides i have other plans).

I'm still really unsure of what to think, but i'm focusing on just doing other things in my life (i'm getting an education as a engineer, i play guitar in 2 bands, i have work, i have tons of friends) so it's not that my life is empty without her - even though it definitely feels like that right now! :-/

I'm being elusive (i think), and i won't be dating anyone else - i still feel like she's the girl of my dreams, and for all of 7 months she's given me everything that i wanted - only for this past week has she changed, so i can't accept that it's done.

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You havnt done anything wrong. The first year is all about getting to know each other, figuring out if your compatible. Infatuation takes over and makes you think your sooo in love but your not really. Its just crazy chemicals and hormones in your brain making you act like a prat.. real love happens much later when its less intense, no butterflies, no real excitement, just content and happy and relaxed.. seriously you should look up the difference between infatuation and love.

its normal to discuss future goals and plans but that doesnt mean its guaranteed to happen so you shouldnt take that shit so seriously. Its just talk right now. All it means is yoy both want the same things one day-but you have no idea whether it will be together or not yet coz your still in the honeymoon period and you dont really know each other yet

Try to relax a bit and enjoy it. The insecurity is your issue to deal with-not hers. And being in love doesnt make people insecure. You were insecure before you met her so deal with it and dont project in onto her. What are you afraid of? People break up all the time, they deal with it, life goes on.. broken hearts heal.

Once you realize your strong enough to handle it and get over ut IF that happens then youll enjoy the relationship more and stop worrying about all the what ifs and buts..

You're right about everything, Michelle.
I definitely realize i'm still in a honeymoon phase, but i've never felt anything this strong - nor a connection so deep with anyone, and for the whole duration of our relationship, she's told me she feels the same thing.

However, i do realize that when the butterflies stop, the "real" relationship begins (and you truly start to love the other person) - and therefore i realize that there's a chance she's found out she isn't in it for the long run. I'm hoping she is, but yeah...

And absolutely, i've always been insecure, but with some people more than others - the ones that mean the most to me (because i give them "power" over how i feel).

I'm already feeling better about it, but i would probably hate my life for a while if she really dumps me - but yeah, 3 months and i'll be fine again. We'll see :-)

[smiling100]

Unfortunately John there is no promise that you guys will work out though making her miss you will make her think about.

It's a shame that this is how it works as doing what you want to do is probably the thing that will drive her away.

It's been nearly 5 months since my horrible experience ended & i'm still months away from recovery. At least i'm going back to the gym, eating better & putting my weight back on. Still only feeling 60% of myself though fingers crossed it will only get better.

[IndiReloaded]

There are other ways to back off from her besides going out and getting other girls' numbers. Focus on work, going out with friends... do what works for *you*. BackUps style is his; it need not be yours. I'm not judging him, btw, just saying you need act according to your own values.

[johngender]

Unfortunately John there is no promise that you guys will work out though making her miss you will make her think about.

It's a shame that this is how it works as doing what you want to do is probably the thing that will drive her away.

It's been nearly 5 months since my horrible experience ended & i'm still months away from recovery. At least i'm going back to the gym, eating better & putting my weight back on. Still only feeling 60% of myself though fingers crossed it will only get better.

There are other ways to back off from her besides going out and getting other girls' numbers. Focus on work, going out with friends... do what works for *you*. BackUps style is his; it need not be yours. I'm not judging him, btw, just saying you need act according to your own values.

Just wanted to provide any interested persons (mostly me, i know :-P) with an update:

I've met her a couple of times after i posted these things, and things have pretty much turned back to normal.
Turns out she had misinterpreted me and my actions, and had thought that i'd grown tired of her, and therefore she'd been putting some distance between us because she thought i was bored.
Which is exactly how i interpreted the signals she had sent me - i thought she was bored with me :-) So we're happy and in love and she tells me she loves me all the time. She also told me she was surprised i was still able to love her - she thought i'd run screaming away after some time of knowing her. So well, she's got her own insecurities :-)

I'm happy i didn't decide to run out and try to get other girls numbers etc. and instead talked with her about it!

Thanks for all the advice, i'll return if more happens ;-)