guy acting weird??

[michelle23]

Hey all. I'll try to keep this as short as I can.

There is this guy who works across the road from me in a DVD rental store. I knew him to see him from just going in there with my bf occasionally. Anyway since I got this job (3 years ago) over time we began talking occasionally. I cant remember how long ago. Sometimes we would be outside at the same time and just shout across "so quiet bored to tears" or "weather is awful" stupid small talk.. One day about a year or two ago I asked him could he help me take a picture of my store on my laptop as I wanted to post one on FB. He said he would take it on his phone and send it to me which was easier. Since then if were both outside at the same time having a fag break, he will come over and just have a quick chat. He added me on FB and the odd time would like my statuses or email me "hello".

About a year ago, he confided in me that his partner lost her job, they cant pay their mortgage and are being evicted. I just felt sorry for them and allowed him to talk and get it off his chest. He didn't have a clue where to start looking for a new place so I sent him some links on FB of affordable housing near by. We talked for about 30 minutes that night me saying "its awful that the banks wont even try to help you by reducing the monthly payment as you have been paying it on time every month for like 5 years" etc just saying how they are evil bastards and its horrible how people are being treated. He then got very sentimental saying "thank you so much Michelle for your kind words, id be lost without you, you have been so good to me" etc etc. He also said "i haven't told anyone about this so please don't mention it to my colleagues or if you see me with my partner don't mention that you know". I thought that was weird but just shrugged it off and said "I'm gonna watch a DVD with my bf now so good luck, hope everything works out for you both"

Then he was transferred to a different location for like 2 or 3 months. He contacted me a few times on FB asking how am I getting on etc I just said "bored to tears, nothing to do, nobody to talk to etc. He again got very sentimental saying things like "miss you Michelle and our quick five min chats, so bored here without you, cant wait till I'm back so I can see you". At the time I thought is he drunk and just being a sap or what. Again I shrugged it off and just made an excuse to get offline again.

Since he came back, I've had a few chats with him just asking how is everything with his new house, hows his partner, did she find work etc-a few fag breaks together-small talk. But I went on FB yesterday for the first time in ages and noticed he mailed 4 or 5 times in the last month saying "hey" or "whats up" and then read back over the old emails and thought "holy crap is this like a one-sided emotional affair or something" what should I do? Just avoid him?

Ill just add before someone jumps up and down-I have no feelings for this guy, I'm not attracted to him, I honestly thought he was gay at first and was surprised to hear he even has a GF as hes very feminine, hes also older than me at least ten years and not my type at all.

[horndog]

I think you are so tuned in to the crap you read here on this site everyday that you are having a difficult time seeing that this guy just wants to be your friend. Even if he does have an attraction towards you there is no reason to cut off contact, unless of course you have little faith in yourself that you can remain faithful to your BF. Believe it or not, sometimes guys just want to be friends with women. Sometimes female friends simply just offer different perspectives than what guy friends can offer.

[michelle23]

Do you not think those messages are weird? I wouldn't be happy if my bf wrote those things to another girl.. I'm not worried about my relationship, I'm more worried about his. I don't want his gf discovering what he wrote to me and getting the wrong idea.. I've also noticed that when he is on his own he always waves across to me and smiles but when his gf is with him, he ignores me. Do you think that is weird?

I have no problem being his friend. I just don't want him to get attached and have some awkward situation where I need to tell him to back off. Hes a nice guy, I know he was just going through a really stressful time and needed a friend but I still find him saying miss you and all that crap too much. I know my bf would be upset if he saw that

[michelle23]

Maybe your right. lol maybe I am too obsessed with the things I read on this forum.

[horndog]

Honestly, I don't see any problems with what he wrote you. It seems pretty innocent. As far as how he acts when his GF is with him, maybe she is much like yourself and not very accepting in male/female relationships. The whole thing sounds pretty innocent to me but I will happily let others offer you their opinions.

[michelle23]

Okay thank you for your opinion Its just when I read back over those messages that I had forgotten about, I immediately thought "I should delete these encase my bf sees them" which made me think that I shouldn't have wrote back to him even though at the time it did seem really innocent. I didn't think anything of it. I never hide anything from my bf but I don't want him to get the wrong idea and start thinking this guy has a hidden agenda. My bf would be the type to fly off the handle and threaten him if he thought he was up to something and he is a nice guy. I don't want to upset him or make a big deal out of it

My bf is not aggressive in general but he is protective of me. He was gonna kick the crap out of a guy one night for saying some really offensive things about me and my friend such as "I could bend her over blah blah blah" lol

[anonymous_a]

I'm with horndog, I do believe males and females can be platonic. Besides recent events (blue eyes), I have had male friends, and we chit chat on the regular, and talk about our problems, and give advice, and it is all kosher. I think he really just needs a friend. Sometimes when people have problems at home, they need someone to talk to. Maybe he doesn't have many friends? Until you notice something REAL (like "xo" in a message, or him making comments about your body, etc) then just be a friend. He sounds like he could use one.

[michelle23]

Thank you for your advice

[Archie]

There are things I can't talk to my guy friends about, cause they wouldn't understand or they'd get the wrong idea, well, you know my story that I wrote a while back. If he has a girlfriend and if you love your boyfriend, there is no reason to panic, even if it hits the fan, you're not interested in that guy.
So, I wouldn't worry about it, his situation seems similar to mine, where he just wants someone to talk to. If you feel uncomfortable with the messages in your FB, delete them or if he starts being a nuisance then just cut ties with him.

[michelle23]

Thanks Archie. I didn't feel weird about this at all until I read back over the messages. I remember he went on for about 5 minutes saying how he misses me and at the time I remember thinking "is he drunk"..

If he talks to me at work, ill be polite to him but I wont write back to him on FB anymore.

[pcmaster]

The guy obiously was lonely in some way and you seemed like a special girl to him when in fact you just been yourself. So he might misunderstand that thinking that you actually care about him when infact you are friendly to lot of people not just to him. Fact that you are beautiful woman only makes everything worse multiplying your good actions in his eyes.

Easyiest way how to cool things down is go cold or just make it clear that hes just a guy across the street.

[michelle23]

Thanks pc do you think its okay to still be friendly towards him but avoid him as much as I can? I don't want to be a b**ch to him or anything. He doesn't deserve that coz technically he hasn't done anything wrong

[horndog]

"The guy obiously was lonely in some way and you seemed like a special girl to him when in fact you just been yourself. So he might misunderstand that thinking that you actually care about him when infact you are friendly to lot of people not just to him. Fact that you are beautiful woman only makes everything worse multiplying your good actions in his eyes."

Good god, I think Im going to puke! you should totally ask Michelle to send you a picture of her ass so you can frame a picture that you can kiss all day. I think Michelle seems like a nice girl too but come on, that was a bit over the top!! lol

[michelle23]

haha pc is like that with everyone dog. Hes a poet. Leave him alone

[pcmaster]

Well I think its best to be yourself. With that I mean if he makes you feel bored that be straight and say it. Dont tolerate any BS and dont put on friendly mask just not to hurt people. You are not counsellor or his best friend so you own nothing to him. If you feel friendly then be so if not then ignore or tell him so.

In your place I would say something like: I was thinking that you are gay dont be offended but I dont consider you as my friend or anything, infact Im social and friendly to lot of random people.