Obsessive Love

[Mranony]

Hi all.
Excuse the essay, but I’d like to give all the information I can to paint an accurate picture of my situation!
I am a male, 25. Ive been going out with a girl for the past seven months, and the relationship all in all has been happy, healthy and positive. At the beginning everything was wonderful, effortless and careless. There was excitement,seduction,mystery and eventually love. Of course there were bumps,twists and turns, but no secrets were kept and our communication became extremely healthy. We are both experienced in relationships, both good and bad, and we finally felt (and still do) that we found another half that ticks all the boxes.Now I am no stranger to the end of the honeymoon phase,but this time something is different. About 5 months in I had my first experience of expressed jealousy with her regarding another guy that started working in our joint working environment. We communicated about it openly, and though the bumpy ride lasted for a while, we eventually passed it with a lot of work from myself on easing my jealous mind. The only problem is, ever since then there has been a seed planted in me of being scared of losing her, and it’s affected EVERYTHING in my life. My confidence is down, my general happiness is down, my judgement is clouded and Im fickle with my opinions. Everything I do in my daily routine, from online status posts to simple life decisions, passes through a filter of ‘what would she think about it’. She is a very independent, strong headed intelligent girl and tough love is her natural way of dealing with things, which I have come to learn not to take personally. I, on the other hand, am firm and calculated when I feel is needed but otherwise quite unconditionally sympathetic and compassionate towards her.
Lately I've been feeling obsessed. She’s literally in my head all the time, and I can’t seem to disconnect from it even when Im in my working environment, out with family/friends etc, and I’ts affected my personal career progress. When we first started going out I was very interested in myself, confident, cool, seductive and masculine.This naturally faded a bit with time, but I feel the sensitive,self pitying side of me has taken over, and thats never happened to me before. Similar to Austin Powers losing his Mojo I suppose she's stayed cool, confident in herself and independent-which i adore but it brings me anxiety because I know I've lost that in myself. I know that I am a sensitive person, and that being in touch with my feelings is a positive, endearing thing (she has even mentioned this to me). But I also know that showing to much weakness and losing interest in myself can be super dangerous to the relationship. I feel she has caught on to this and though she loves me, is kind of wishing to get a bit more ‘man’ out of me. This thought worries me because in my past relationship, I was very strong and confident and my partner was love blind,obsessed and unconfident. The relationship eventually imploded because her lack of interest in herself exhausted me and killed my attraction to her. Even though I acknowledge that I am now in her shoes, I cant seem to shake it off and become interested in myself again. Something I know for a fact will sort all of this out, because its mostly in my head. I know she loves me dearly, I have no shadow of a doubt and she shows it, and yet I feel I constantly have to please her and feel I need to take the foot off the gas before I overpower it.
I know this is a classic case of love blind, self neglect, all-about-her-forgot-about-yourself thing, but even though I acknowledge that, Its a vicious circle I'm stuck in.
As you can tell, I am also very over analytical which probably doesn't help.
help?

[chinagirl]

You need to find and get your identity back. You cannot live your life in this girl's shadow. You need to do things separately. Go hang out with your friends once or twice a week for a guys night out. Find a hobby on your own. Go out by yourself, work out, go biking, do whatever that does not involve her. Don't become one of the clingy guys. It's a big turn off for women.

[Wakeup]

Hi all.
Excuse the essay, but I’d like to give all the information I can to paint an accurate picture of my situation!
I am a male, 25. Ive been going out with a girl for the past seven months, and the relationship all in all has been happy, healthy and positive. At the beginning everything was wonderful, effortless and careless. There was excitement,seduction,mystery and eventually love. Of course there were bumps,twists and turns, but no secrets were kept and our communication became extremely healthy. We are both experienced in relationships, both good and bad, and we finally felt (and still do) that we found another half that ticks all the boxes.Now I am no stranger to the end of the honeymoon phase,but this time something is different. About 5 months in I had my first experience of expressed jealousy with her regarding another guy that started working in our joint working environment. We communicated about it openly, and though the bumpy ride lasted for a while, we eventually passed it with a lot of work from myself on easing my jealous mind. The only problem is, ever since then there has been a seed planted in me of being scared of losing her, and it’s affected EVERYTHING in my life. My confidence is down, my general happiness is down, my judgement is clouded and Im fickle with my opinions. Everything I do in my daily routine, from online status posts to simple life decisions, passes through a filter of ‘what would she think about it’. She is a very independent, strong headed intelligent girl and tough love is her natural way of dealing with things, which I have come to learn not to take personally. I, on the other hand, am firm and calculated when I feel is needed but otherwise quite unconditionally sympathetic and compassionate towards her.
Lately I've been feeling obsessed. She’s literally in my head all the time, and I can’t seem to disconnect from it even when Im in my working environment, out with family/friends etc, and I’ts affected my personal career progress. When we first started going out I was very interested in myself, confident, cool, seductive and masculine.This naturally faded a bit with time, but I feel the sensitive,self pitying side of me has taken over, and thats never happened to me before. Similar to Austin Powers losing his Mojo I suppose she's stayed cool, confident in herself and independent-which i adore but it brings me anxiety because I know I've lost that in myself. I know that I am a sensitive person, and that being in touch with my feelings is a positive, endearing thing (she has even mentioned this to me). But I also know that showing to much weakness and losing interest in myself can be super dangerous to the relationship. I feel she has caught on to this and though she loves me, is kind of wishing to get a bit more ‘man’ out of me. This thought worries me because in my past relationship, I was very strong and confident and my partner was love blind,obsessed and unconfident. The relationship eventually imploded because her lack of interest in herself exhausted me and killed my attraction to her. Even though I acknowledge that I am now in her shoes, I cant seem to shake it off and become interested in myself again. Something I know for a fact will sort all of this out, because its mostly in my head. I know she loves me dearly, I have no shadow of a doubt and she shows it, and yet I feel I constantly have to please her and feel I need to take the foot off the gas before I overpower it.
I know this is a classic case of love blind, self neglect, all-about-her-forgot-about-yourself thing, but even though I acknowledge that, Its a vicious circle I'm stuck in.
As you can tell, I am also very over analytical which probably doesn't help.
help?

I guess this is a testament that there is some truth to the saying that "Thee who cares less, holds all the power."

I suggest you find something in life that gives you passion other then her. Then, if you have something to fall back on that gives you happiness, you'll not fear her leaving you as much and you'll get back your ballzz (not mojo) that she's evidently been storing in her purse.

What do you do besides love her and go to work? Do you have hobbies, good friends you hang with (sometimes without her) etc?