In love with my boss, What should I do next?

[Dex]

Here's my story:

I've been working for this big corporation for 6 years. Our section got a new boss 3 years ago and through knowing her for these three years, I have really fallen in love with her. She is the girl of my dreams but then comes some problems...

She is 8 years older than me, also as we have a friendship like relation, she knows all about my divorce which happened 6 months ago. She really helped me out to clean the mess I was after the divorce. She really went out of her way to make me whole again, she took me jugging every other day for more than a month, talked to me when I was down and everything.

One huge problem is that our company would harshly punish this kind of relationship! Also her late boyfriend seems to be clingy, she never mentions him to me but I have heard from her friends that she resents him in last couple of months (which seems to be after my divorce), the fact that she never uses her phone when she is around me and never says a thing about him, makes me wonder if he is any important or exists at all. I once asked her if she has any bonds to other people, she told me there are no important people who could mean something to her. Then I asked her about "us", "the time will tell, just don't rush anything..." she said.

Now I really don't know what to do, I cannot interpret the signals she is sending. She finds excuses to meet me outside work, I also do the same! When we are out, I have tried to hold her hands, she seems to be ok with that but sometimes she gets playful and slips her hands out but not in a bad way. I have complimented how sexy she is and told her a lot as jokes that how perfect we are together. She always seemed to like it and wants to hear more. She had told my ex-wife that I am "the best husband she could ever find" while our marriage was going south. I remember my ex treated me good for a month after she became jealous of my boss's compliment! Also, my ex wanted me to change divisions as she was feeling threatened by her! (My ex is nuts, she left me for somebody else and then left him for another man, just in 6 months, now she want back in my life!!!)

She has always agreed that when we are together, we can beat any challenge & also have fun beating it! We really enjoy the time together, she has always told me that.

On the other hand, when I wanted to open up about our relationship to company's HR, it made her absolutely crazy and that's when she told me that I am not her boyfriend and we are just two great friends and if I do something stupid to make her career sink, she will choose her career over me. Of course, I was a bit drunk at that moment, opening up about our relationship to company's HR would mean at least one of us had to get demoted and transferred to another city...

Now, what do you think of it? Does she want me too? I have not tried to make our relationship to next level as I am not sure if it might ruin our friendship (in case she shoots me down). What do you think I should do?

[surfhb]

Jesus Christ Dude!

You just said she told you you're great friends....that's all!! Yet you still insist on jeopardizing yours and her career after she went crazy trying to get you to understand the gravity of the situation.

Numbnuts like you should be shot into space

[pcmaster]

Wierd why in case of opening about relationship one of you had to get demoted and transfered to another city?

Man you have to bring up sex. To realy find out you are friendzoned or not you have to see what happens after you try something sexual. Maybe she was supportive and all that just to make you work harder. Some bosses are realy friendly to their workers and give them love to keep them work well fo them.

[Dex]

They are quite strict about interemployee relationships...
It might look as she might have done me favors because of that. We work in a security company which complicates things.

- - - Updated - - -

She looks to be fine with me touching some sensitive areas...
I feel she has some kind of fear, I don't know if it's because of age gap or her position or maybe thinking that I might be using her.
She clearly treats me differently comparing to other people. She is not at all sensitive about her feelings & shoots anyone down when she doesn't like them.

After she told me about friendship & stuff, she admitted that she has received warnings from HR regarding her relation with me

[nopickuplines]

From what you have explained it seems as though you are moving too fast, at least in trying to cage her up. Why does anyone need to know about your relationship with her anyways? If she is making excuses to meet you outside of work, I sense a lack of natural chemistry between the both of you. In fact you say you always make excuses too? Unless you feel some sort of discomfort within yourself that the chemistry isn't right, you wouldn't make any excuses yourself.

I think you must heal yourself first. There is obviously still hidden hurt from the past, and your trying to fill a hole within yourself with women. If you really love a girl, you would find no need to try and cage her up. Of course our society says, if you go and sleep with other men you are a slut. I don't see the rationale behind this. It's kind of like saying, my favorite food is spaghetti, so I'm going to eat spaghetti for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Of course you are going to get sick of spaghetti and you are going to be unloyal to it. This is a sign that the love to yourself, is not enough, and a woman has to be caged up in order to feel worthy.

[Dex]

The excuses are like going to gym together or taking part in classes together.

Sometimes I feel she is not sure about my feelings. That maybe she might be a rebound. I have to admit I went fast, I could have done much better! I think she was more interested before.

[pcmaster]

Maybe she have BF or she dont wana get too attached to you thats why she have some fear. However I will stress to find out if she wants you you have to bring big questions up. And then go from there.

[Dex]

Ok I started sending out big signals, so far she just giggles!

[Dex]

She really confuses me with her actions, I brought up bigger topics she said nope but she was acting and laughing like a yes! Some days she becomes diatant then again comes near when I keep the distance myself...
What's on her mind??
She is really like my shadow...